Its my last free day before I am sent back to the salt mines of working. I am just not enjoying it anymore. It makes me sad. I had such a passion for my work, and I am now drained of it. So today I keep going back and forth between denial and dread! LOL
I did not accomplish all that I wanted to on my week vacation, like cleaning my house, but who needs a really clean house? Well me, so I can have people over without shame! ha but I did do my laundry, clean my bathroom, actually threw some things away! go figure! Especially since I really don't use hair spray and some of the goop I bought thinking it would make me beautiful rather than the hag I am turning into! Dreams in the garbage! LOL The loose skin on my neck did NOT firm! LOL
I did spend some time in my garden, I have Crackers in her outside cage, because she has decided to be annoying lately...she is whining as I type because she wants back in! That is no! It is a nice day and you will LOVE the patio damn it! LOL AND stop screaming and getting on my last nerve!
I tried to find the 2nd skein of orange fire yarn I bought and misplaced since I have knit up the 1st skein and want to wear the damn scarf! A reason TO clean my studio! To find things! To finish things! LOL I am still binding the Lucy book, I put two more signatures in, but I get so sad I have to stop. Maybe this will get done! It makes me miss her when I work on this.
I have to get some balance back in my life. Since being on facebook I haven't really been keeping this up and if I don't keep this up why do I have it? I just paid for another year...I better use it! It just seems lately that every thing is speeding up, that there is no time to do all that I want to do, and that time is running out. I don't know why I feel that way, it scares me. I just feel so mortal lately. I guess I just have not stopped obsessing about death since Lucy was diagnosed with cancer in 2008. I have not been able to shake the sadness...and some times it just feels like it is coming out of my pours. And I am VERY weepy today. I keep tearing up...I am still so raw feeling. I think I hate hormones! especially when they are out of whack!
The dust and mildew in my bedroom is not helping with my health. I have been working for weeks on my room, to clean it up and make it more healthy. I think I am going to be forced to have help. I may capture WGB's daughter to help me purge the closet and forward clothes on to Good will and be done with the over crowding of clothes! And shoes! It is time to parr down...and get rid of some things...there is just too much still! I was able to clean up enough and open some windows to get some movement going. It was a rough Winter. Since she is young and not in pain I will have her dust my room...I tried today and had to stop. I did vacuume and get my bed linens in the washer...I was able to clean around the windows and they are open and pulling a breeze through! I feel better about that! I think I may get it all together at some point! Wouldn't THAT be nice! I am starting to wonder if this DEEP sadness I can't seem to shake is depression from the thyroid being whacky...I know the anxiety is, so maybe this sadness is too. I hope these meds start to get balanced! I am tired of feeling this way!
I still cannot make a decision about my phone! I almost bought the Droid X yesterday, but then right when I was going to push the button, WGB said he was reading a post about how ONLY 20% of Droid users would buy another one! Whereas, 70% of iPhone users would buy another iPhone...I keep going back and forth on this! I love me some Apple products...but do I need to pay an average of 12% more for it when I have the iTouch and the iPad?
Ok...off to make some art now...