The Gypsy on Adventure

Did time stand still? Because it felt like my heart stopped and time stood still.

Crying is a way your eyes speak when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is.

It's been an incredibly hard day.

Grateful to have had so many awesome years working with this man...I am going to miss him singing me Happy Birthday the only way HE could, and all the times we would talk and just laugh. I learned SO much from him, and changed my life when he had his first heart attack and open heart surgery I quit smoking...that was 18 years ago...so every day I had with him after that scary event was gravy! This time, from his death, his heart gave out on him, I am making another change, cardio! I had WGB pull my bicycle out and I am going to ride it 2-3 times a week and the other days I am going to walk and hoop! Even in his death he teaches me! 

 

Death cannot take away our memories or our friendship. You meant the world to me. I love you. So many years he was the departments photographer...but he will ALWAYS be the best School Resource Officer we ever had! I love you to the moon and back...I like to think of you telling Jokes with Hugh and enjoying your freedom! Kiss our Ellen when you see her!

 

 

I will always miss you Bill.

 

I remember the day after he retired in 2003 and it felt SO weird to walk into the building without him there! Now it feels strange to walk in a world where he isn’t anymore. And my grief is all over the map!

 

Trying to find my feet again.

Happy Birth Day to this guy! And Happy Easter!

We had an hour and a half conversation today...there was a couple of silent times as he talked about religion and I had to remind him I wasn't a Christian...but the nice thing is we communicate and let each other just be ourselves! It's a nice place to finally be.

 

Fish tails

 

Today we took a little trip out to an auction, before we got there we went through Fishtail MT and took some photos of the fish tail sticking out of the building!!! I so want to get a fish tail for my studio when I get a home!  It was fun watching the auction,WGB tried to buy me the ORANGE fiesta ware that they had!  But it went over what we were willing. Man it was fun seeing the Orange!

An amazing event was on the way I saw a Bald Eagle flying and as SO close to us! I could really see him! he was HUGE! In real life! HUGE!  gave me goose bumps!

We went to dinner at WGBs sisters place the Thirsty Turtle, with some of his dad's friends. I don't know why  I let my insecurity get to me, I always feel so damn judged...they kept saying how rich we were...this just showed me how some people will always judge us, because we are from California; and worked in government, even if it was local government people don't like it.  I won't apologize for where I am and at what age I am, I worked my ass off and we all make choices in our lives. WGB and I do better together than we would by ourselves, and I will give him his dream of traveling and will not feel one bit bad about it.  I just have to learn not to bite through my tongue. I refuse to talk politics or religion...

It is all about love

We woke up early and started to make sure that the house was clean, then we decorated it for the party. Started to put the drinks and food out. Of course I could not find my battery and charger for the Canon camera so I was glad that I had my Nikon with me!

The one thing I love about a Mexican and Phillipino family party is the food! We all seem to show our love by food! We had SO MUCH FOOD! OMG so good!  The baby loved the party was super tired by the end of it! The Pinata was so cute! How fun!!!

It was a success and I think we all had fun! Bubbles good food and fish in the pinata for Twinkle!

 

Love

We are trying to recover. Didn't sleep great but that is the story of my life.  My entire body hurts. Just trying to enjoy the time with the kids and the baby. The baby started to warm up to me. When I was telling my son I had to leave my plants (especially the ones Lucy gave me) I started to cry. So WGB took off to go pick them up in Mountain View. I wish he would not have done that...but he insisted.

Mizz V had to go on a girls trip and my son had to go to work so I got to babysit Twinkle! Since she had warmed up to me it all went really well! She is really into her big bouncy balls, and totally into fish! We are watching Dory a lot!  She is cute as a button!

WGB was able to get the plants and my rose and made it to Chris and Brian's again by 11 pm...of course he hit commute traffic trying to get back to Grass Valley. At least he got a nice nights sleep!

My arms hurt so bad they cannot be lifted up!

One of the hardest days of my life

Well, yesterday we moved out of our house of 16 years. We are emotionally exhausted as well as physically! Yesterday from 630 am to 1:00 am we were moving moving moving and I feel extremely broken, my arms and legs went numb. This is what happens when your partner decides to be self-sufficient. In reality we could have used help from about 3 guys! I am going to be paying for this move for a long time with pain. But I sure appreciate my friends!  Especially my girls that I have known over 30 years. Fan and Maryanne, they came, they helped pack, and fed us through the horror of moving.

I have purged, given items to thrift, and raft. Now I only have clothes that fit me...less shoes and I am more determined to have my own studio! I am not having all of my art supplies in the house again. It needs to be separate and our house our house!

I had to leave my plants behind and our bird Crackers was in the middle seat of the truck by midnight in the cat carrier and so tired when we pulled out at 1:00 am...gassed up the truck and started to head up to Grass Valley. Good bye Mountain View. I feel so weird leaving you behind.

It was SO hard to keep both of us awake trying to get to our friends Chris and Brian in Grass Valley. We had to keep the cab warm for the bird so my eyes were rolling I was so tired.  We got to their house at 4:30 am and we just crashed! My arms and legs were numb...for hours!

Then we were up by 8:30 today and started to drink coffee and get ourselves moving! SO grateful for them and letting us stay with them! We saw on the news that Donner Pass was going to have snow today so we left around 12 to go into NV to my son's place to drop Crackers off with him, he is going to take care of her as we are on the road...the trip was good we took Highway 20 to highway 80 so beautiful! Crackers did really good until we got to Truckee then she started to shake her head. I knew then that she was having pressure in her ears poor baby!

Once we got passed the summit Crackers did better, but by the time we got to Vernon's she had been in the cat carrier for a long time..she was looking wilted.  The first thing WGB did was set up her cage and she started to feel a little better with her cage and her food. I am a little worried about her.

We are exhausted and made it a short night.

It begins

Today WGB went to the Post Office in East Palo Alto and stood in line to get me a number for submitting my passport papers. We went and took a photo for the passport and I don't look as bad as a serial killer but man what an ugly photo!  Then we went back to the post office around 1 pm and had to sit there until 3:30 pm when I was finally able to put my paper work in! I was next to last...but hey, its done now.

Jan Kuersten sent me a cool photo of her drawings of the plants and garden items I gave them! yay!!!

And Twinkle got her letter from me!!! She loved the envelope hated the butterfly puppets! She was afraid of them for awhile...now she is playing with them.

So sweet

Today I went in to get my nails fixed, not having the gel on and my real nails being weak I kept breaking them  and splitting them and they hurt when I am packing. So Chi recommended that I do acrylic for now since they are stronger and went with a simple french, instead of getting fancy or art.  

She told me she wants me to live her shop, there is room, so I won't leave! Love her!

I finished packing my POD and tomorrow they pick it up. Strange strange feeling!

Set up the retirement dinner for my friend Sherry, we are going to La Fondue! can't wait! I bought a groupon last year and didn't use it so this will be nice to do!

Exhausted and anxious

I have been cranky all day...feeling pushed...and prickly. WGB insisted I go get my certified birth certificate in San Jose, which only took an hour, but I just didn't want to do it. He wants to get my passport done and ready.

My heart has not caught up with my head. I KNOW we can't stay here, but this has been  my home all of my life. But in retirement we cannot afford to live here, and then the final blow, our owners called, they are coming with a Realtor on March 18th, so we REALLY have to have most of our stuff out since that means less than a month once they put it on the market! Fuck we have a lot to do, think of and try to get a plan which WGB likes to fly by the seat of his ass...I am a planner... it creates anxiety.  

So most of the night was spent packing...this will be my life for the next few months...

We have to speak up for every woman no matter the side

Part of a blog post, please read her entire post here.

 

You don’t have to identify as a victim to recognize your victimization. You don’t have to be public about your victimization, but what you should consider is how you re-victimize millions of girls and women when you deny theirs.

Believe this: when you claim that we are crazy, stupid, overly emotional, and overly sensitive to distance yourself from us, you bolster misogynistic stereotypes that are then applied to you. No matter how you try to distinguish yourselves, you will continue to be categorized as sexual objects and second-class citizens only useful for reproduction.

Because we understand the toll heterosexist white supremacist patriarchal oppression takes, we recognize that being “woke” is an emotional commitment many of you reject. So you don’t want to fight for your own freedoms…fine. But please, if you’re not going to join us or build us up the least you can do is refrain from tearing us down.