The Gypsy on Adventure

We've seen days like this.

Any motivation to write is a good thing.

 

 

When I interviewed Maya Angelou, she told me to write this sentence in my notepad and to never forget it: 

"Every storm runs out of rain."

I still think of that line to this day.  Alex Banayan

I am trying to keep my eye on that line. That this terrible experience we are all in will run out of power and stop, eventually. The pandemic, Delta Variant, Covid deniers, Mask resisters, Science haters, California Wildfires, Hurricane Ida, New Jersey and New York flooding, Greenland losing the ice, Global warming deniers,  the attempt to recall our Gov. and costing the tax payers of California Millions of dollars, Good people doing nothing, Afghanistan, Rep. McCarthy threatens tech and telecom firms that comply with the January 6th insurrection committee's request,  and Texas...

I sure hope that the storm runs out of rain soon.

 

 

 

I know I have a really hard job, to stay better and not bitter. It is up to us to keep voting. Keep educating ourselves. Keep speaking out. Keep being kind. Keep our humanity. Keep creating art. Keep being thought provoking with our art. Keep standing up for people who cannot stand up for themselves alone. Keep believing in the separation of Church and State. Keep believing in our Constitution. Be willing to learn and grow.  What a time we are living in. 

The one good thing I noticed today, my point of joy was the blue sky out my art desk window. I haven't seen a blue sky in weeks due to the Wildfires. My soul felt a burst of hope while I looked out my window today.

 

Feels like Summer

Today WGB got his first Vaccination! We got up super early and drove the hour to go down to Roseville to get his vaccination. We are both half way there! AND great news, they are saying Pfiser is holding up past 6 months so this is good news! 

 

 

We stopped at a pottery place, and man they are expensive for pots! I still have not found a pot for my new rose...gonna be awhile if it is all going to be out of my price range! But I loved these fountains! I would love just one in my yard! The rocks were beautiful up close on it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We stopped at Green Acre's and bought 2 more wood boxes for the vegetables to be planted in. My lettuce is going to be happy!  I bought a couple of more flowers for the butterflies and humming birds! We have the veggies in the spot where we get most of our sun all day long. This is the little structure WGB put up for me, and it has fencing around it to hopefully keep the critters out! He has misters put up for watering. I also asked him to move my composter over there as well since it gets full sun. This last year, it got too wet and the compost has been hard as rock! So with the sun it should help get this to be as good as it was last year! We also put some worms in it! Hoping that helps as well! 

It was 80 degree's in Auburn and about 77 degree's at home. 

 

 

 

 

 

I added some more flowers for the butterflies and humming birds! And our strawberry plants are on their 3rd year! It is nice having the bulbs getting ready to bloom, one of my 2nd year tulips have bloomed. And the Buddha Frog looks awesome on my deck!

Moving forward

WGB got on me about finding an appointment for the vaccination. I have been looking on the California website, and he directed me to our health insurance website, and it had to be on the app on the phone (which I didn't want to put on my phone), and it took about an hour and I got an appointment!!!!

My appointment is for 1:10 pm TOMORROW!!! But we have to go to Roseville, CA to get it. Which is fine...so we will leave early since I don't know how the traffic will be. It's about an hour away from us...but while we are there I am sure we will go some where to pick up a good lunch/dinner!

Luckily I have really been drinking a lot of water today, the research I have been doing tells you to be super hydrated and to take tylenol when you get the shot. 

I am nervous about side effects. I always react so poorly to things...but I do the normal yearly flu shots ok, but it still makes me nervous. I am allergic to everything.

So I am scared to get the shot but more scared NOT to get the shot! sigh

Final Ritual of Death

We were able to pick up Crackers tonight before the vet closed.

I need to find a local place to get a plaque engraved for her box.

Last of the excruciatingly painful steps of the rituals of death and grief.

 

Grieving hard

I am quiet because I am having a really hard time....

We miss our girl. This is the first time we are real Empty Nesters. The house is too quiet. I was owned by that sweet girl for 36 years, in March she would have been 37. She was like one of my kids. But also heartbreaking is the bond that WGB and Crackers had. She loved him so much! True story, the first year we were living together and he went to Montana to visit his family, he had to talk to her EVERY DAY or she would not eat! Same with my oldest cat at the time, they refused to eat until he talked to them.

Good Bye Sweet Girl

We are devastated.

Cracker's died this morning at 10:00 am.

March 1984 -December 19, 2020

T.I.M.E. and other concerns of the day

This Summer has been rough...I read an email from ToniandKim.com today and this was near the end of it, and I thought it was thought provoking and needed today.

As humans, we are all a work in progress. Life right now is extremely complicated. There is no manual for it.

1. Examine your daily life right now. What brings you joy? How can you add a little bit more of that feeling into your day?
2. What is one thing that you can remove from your day that will make it even just 1% more enjoyable? (For me, it was Facebook!)
3. Put your hand on your heart and close your eyes. Breathe in and out, slowly, 5 times. Ask your heart: What part of you needs tenderness right now? What exactly does it need? What is one thing you can do to nurture it?

1. Ah, what brings me joy? That would be my partner! He is amazing and loving, and adores me. And looking out my window to see all the wild life at our home. And what brings me joy is feeding the birds. We both make sure that there is enough water for the foxes, rabbits, wild turkey's and deer that come through our yard every day. That brings us both such joy.

2. What is the one thing I can remove from my day? Several. Remove the Doom-scrolling, not listen to the news every single day, and minimize time on Facebook, literally shut the window of Facebook down so I don't get any notifications. 

3. What needs tenderness?  I need to exercise, and my choice of exercise is usually walking, in Covid isolation I stopped walking, and a month ago when all the wildfire smoke invaded our ridge, I stopped walking...so now I seriously have to fix this part of my life. Movement. 

I was listening to Jay Shetty today on Amanpour and Company, how to cultivate a monk mindset. How he was speaking today was simple, using the word TIME to remember what you need to do every day.

Thankfulness:  Not just journal about it, but follow through and tell someone that you are grateful for them in your life. Express it to a person. Share that thankfulness.

Inspiration/Insight:  Read something that you are learning from, or that favorite quote out of a book. For me recently it has been Mary Oliver poems, and Rumi.

Meditation:  Be present in the body and mind. Communicate with your body and mind at the same time, centering yourself.

Exercise:  Sex, Yoga, Dance, Tai Chi, Walk...bedrock of the practice is movement.

(Today I walked more than I have in weeks, so I am starting the journey again)

Practice my breathe. Breathe is with us from the moment we are born until the second we die. Breathe and our emotions are interconnected. When we have something good happen to us it takes our breathe away. When something bad is happening we stop breathing for a moment. Connect to your body and breathe, hand to heart and breathe in for 5 seconds.

Then Jay said to ask yourself every day, "Have I made Time?" 

So simple, right? Then you would think more of us would be doing this. Today I am starting my simple practice. I think this sounds profound and life opening. I think it will help me not to be so judge-y in my life and focus on the things that expand my life. In this anxiety ridden political climate smack dab in the middle of Covid isolation, civil unrest, and the passing of RBG is too much. I have to stop doom-scrolling...I have to let it flow through me like water and not let it all stick to me. I catch myself breathing shallow or holding my breathe. I need to work on this.

The beautiful Sphynx cat that we found on our property yesterday, update. We got up, and brought the cage into the kitchen, fed her again, talked to her, played with her. At 10:30 we went to our appointment at Mother Lode to see if she had a chip. No chip. I was getting worried...we were going to take her to Sammies no kill shelter 5 minutes but the owner saw our flyer and called WGB!!! The family two doors down from us, SO happy he contacted us!! And his little girl was happy to have Mousey back! So stinkin cute! I tried not to be judge-y when he told us they let her outside every day, since she could be a nice snack for those big turkey vultures or the coyotes, foxes and big cats we have around. I hope this scared them enough to keep her inside. Mousey is a sweet, sweet soul.

 

 

 

 

 

And the bad air quality came back today. I was SO joyful yesterday with blue skies nad no smoke smell. I feel a little more sad today, I cannot take days of the gloom again! But the injured Jay bird is still getting stronger, she lays down funny on my deck though. But she is so pretty. I have fallen in love with her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finally took photos of my recent Hobonichi pages before I journal in them:

5 of Cups Reversed

Goals being slain!

I followed through with pulling a Tarot Card everyday last month! I am keeping it up and gleaning some powerful imagery and relating the cards to what is deeply going on in my life. Reading over the March entries, there is a bit of oh that is creepy, but more of that is SO amazing, resonating so strong with the struggles I am dealing with. It was all about my Grief, from my brother's death to wounds from family members.

My last card pulled for March was the 5 of Cups Reversed. Oooooof….all about moving forward from what was lost! Use grief as a force for good feelings of deep compassion and empathy. Thrust into a sacrid realm where the healing  capacity of emotions is allowed to work.  Use the force of grief as a force for GOOD. The cup is carved deeper by emotion which tears at the heart of your being, creating more space then to hold wonder, joy and grace. Deep compassion and empathy.

In my life, when I have dealt with deep soul cutting grief, I have always made the conscience decision to be "Better rather than Bitter". I am "better" for the disasters that have happened in my life. Molding me pliable for deep compassion and empathy for others going through what I have in my life. I believe if we share our stories of pain and how we have overcome it, it does give hope to others in the trenches of that kind of pain. 

Empathy. Ooof… I am an empath. It is painful and hard to be one. Some times I just cut off the chatter of it...other times I listen and move through it. It is exhausting and hard sometimes to feel my own shit because of it. It is the absolute reason why I hate being in big cities and love being more in the country. I don't have all of the bombardment of people hammering at me. Still learning how to ground myself and not be so hypervigilant of what is going on around me. I suppose I am still in denial of it...it was more astounding when I was a kid through the teen years, but I put it away when I had to be more conservative navigating my career years. So it is popping up more and more in my retirement. I could always feel a ripple in the universe and KNOW that something was going on with family members or those close to me...

Did time stand still? Because it felt like my heart stopped and time stood still.

Crying is a way your eyes speak when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is.

It's been an incredibly hard day.

Grateful to have had so many awesome years working with this man...I am going to miss him singing me Happy Birthday the only way HE could, and all the times we would talk and just laugh. I learned SO much from him, and changed my life when he had his first heart attack and open heart surgery I quit smoking...that was 18 years ago...so every day I had with him after that scary event was gravy! This time, from his death, his heart gave out on him, I am making another change, cardio! I had WGB pull my bicycle out and I am going to ride it 2-3 times a week and the other days I am going to walk and hoop! Even in his death he teaches me! 

 

Death cannot take away our memories or our friendship. You meant the world to me. I love you. So many years he was the departments photographer...but he will ALWAYS be the best School Resource Officer we ever had! I love you to the moon and back...I like to think of you telling Jokes with Hugh and enjoying your freedom! Kiss our Ellen when you see her!

 

 

I will always miss you Bill.

 

I remember the day after he retired in 2003 and it felt SO weird to walk into the building without him there! Now it feels strange to walk in a world where he isn’t anymore. And my grief is all over the map!

 

Trying to find my feet again.

Happy Birth Day to this guy! And Happy Easter!

We had an hour and a half conversation today...there was a couple of silent times as he talked about religion and I had to remind him I wasn't a Christian...but the nice thing is we communicate and let each other just be ourselves! It's a nice place to finally be.