The Gypsy on Adventure

T.I.M.E. and other concerns of the day

This Summer has been rough...I read an email from ToniandKim.com today and this was near the end of it, and I thought it was thought provoking and needed today.

As humans, we are all a work in progress. Life right now is extremely complicated. There is no manual for it.

1. Examine your daily life right now. What brings you joy? How can you add a little bit more of that feeling into your day?
2. What is one thing that you can remove from your day that will make it even just 1% more enjoyable? (For me, it was Facebook!)
3. Put your hand on your heart and close your eyes. Breathe in and out, slowly, 5 times. Ask your heart: What part of you needs tenderness right now? What exactly does it need? What is one thing you can do to nurture it?

1. Ah, what brings me joy? That would be my partner! He is amazing and loving, and adores me. And looking out my window to see all the wild life at our home. And what brings me joy is feeding the birds. We both make sure that there is enough water for the foxes, rabbits, wild turkey's and deer that come through our yard every day. That brings us both such joy.

2. What is the one thing I can remove from my day? Several. Remove the Doom-scrolling, not listen to the news every single day, and minimize time on Facebook, literally shut the window of Facebook down so I don't get any notifications. 

3. What needs tenderness?  I need to exercise, and my choice of exercise is usually walking, in Covid isolation I stopped walking, and a month ago when all the wildfire smoke invaded our ridge, I stopped walking...so now I seriously have to fix this part of my life. Movement. 

I was listening to Jay Shetty today on Amanpour and Company, how to cultivate a monk mindset. How he was speaking today was simple, using the word TIME to remember what you need to do every day.

Thankfulness:  Not just journal about it, but follow through and tell someone that you are grateful for them in your life. Express it to a person. Share that thankfulness.

Inspiration/Insight:  Read something that you are learning from, or that favorite quote out of a book. For me recently it has been Mary Oliver poems, and Rumi.

Meditation:  Be present in the body and mind. Communicate with your body and mind at the same time, centering yourself.

Exercise:  Sex, Yoga, Dance, Tai Chi, Walk...bedrock of the practice is movement.

(Today I walked more than I have in weeks, so I am starting the journey again)

Practice my breathe. Breathe is with us from the moment we are born until the second we die. Breathe and our emotions are interconnected. When we have something good happen to us it takes our breathe away. When something bad is happening we stop breathing for a moment. Connect to your body and breathe, hand to heart and breathe in for 5 seconds.

Then Jay said to ask yourself every day, "Have I made Time?" 

So simple, right? Then you would think more of us would be doing this. Today I am starting my simple practice. I think this sounds profound and life opening. I think it will help me not to be so judge-y in my life and focus on the things that expand my life. In this anxiety ridden political climate smack dab in the middle of Covid isolation, civil unrest, and the passing of RBG is too much. I have to stop doom-scrolling...I have to let it flow through me like water and not let it all stick to me. I catch myself breathing shallow or holding my breathe. I need to work on this.

The beautiful Sphynx cat that we found on our property yesterday, update. We got up, and brought the cage into the kitchen, fed her again, talked to her, played with her. At 10:30 we went to our appointment at Mother Lode to see if she had a chip. No chip. I was getting worried...we were going to take her to Sammies no kill shelter 5 minutes but the owner saw our flyer and called WGB!!! The family two doors down from us, SO happy he contacted us!! And his little girl was happy to have Mousey back! So stinkin cute! I tried not to be judge-y when he told us they let her outside every day, since she could be a nice snack for those big turkey vultures or the coyotes, foxes and big cats we have around. I hope this scared them enough to keep her inside. Mousey is a sweet, sweet soul.

 

 

 

 

 

And the bad air quality came back today. I was SO joyful yesterday with blue skies nad no smoke smell. I feel a little more sad today, I cannot take days of the gloom again! But the injured Jay bird is still getting stronger, she lays down funny on my deck though. But she is so pretty. I have fallen in love with her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finally took photos of my recent Hobonichi pages before I journal in them:

Crazy town

So today is Thursday which means it's garbage day, and since we are doing the BIG pile of garbage that the guy rummaged through like a rat earlier this week, WGB is standing guard over garbage! Ridiculous! 4' x 8' of garbage gone! Nothing left on the side of the house!

My POD was picked up at 3pm today and I feel strange with my stuff gone. weird.

Reality is setting in more and more.

February: Ice Moon

The typically cold, snowy weather of February in North America earned its full moon the name snow moon. Other common names include storm moon, ice moon and hunger moon.

Unfortunately it was so overcast here in Mountain View I could not see the moon, so no photos tonight. 

I spent the day packing in my studio. And throwing out garbage and stuff that is crap.

The Chaos Begins

WGB has started to pack his stuff into the first 16 foot POD, going through the boxes that are already in the garage and in the 3rd bedroom. It is happening.  I was never going to be ready for this. I hate leaving my home town behind.

One step on the new journey. 

Pressure

I am thinking about all the things I decided to do this year.

So "I" decided to continue doing a yearly Daily Journal Planner again. I bought myself a very pretty Violet Moleskine. Then I bought myself a wonderful Dylusions Journal. I am keeping my Moleskine the planner part and the Dylusion journal as my prompts art journal...

AND I have all those other blank watercolor journals because besides doing DLP, I of course had to add MORE pressure with a monthly class with Tangie AND a YEAR long class Life Book 2015 with all these teachers!!! All I know is I better not flake on this one! I better watch the videos and get some things out of it called finished pieces of art! FOLLOW through is my new art name! Because I cannot waste my money!

Jane Davenport - http://janedavenport.com/
Joanne Sharpe - http://joannezsharpe.blogspot.co.uk/
Jenny Lee Wentworth - http://jennyleewentworth.blogspot.co.uk/
Violette Clark - http://www.violette.ca/
Chris Zydel - http://creativejuicesarts.com/
Danielle Donaldson - http://danielledonaldson.com/
Effy Wild - http://effywild.com/
Flora Bowley - http://braveintuitiveyou.com/
Alisa Burke - http://alisaburke.blogspot.co.uk/
Jessica Swift - http://www.jessicaswift.com/
Lynzee Lynx - http://lynzeelynx.com/
Jeanne Oliver - http://www.jeanneoliverdesigns.com/
Andrea Gomoll - http://andrea-gomoll.de/
Kristin van Valkenburgh – http://www.kristinvanvalkenburgh.com/
Jill K. Berry - http://jillberrydesign.com/
Alena Hennessy - http://www.alenahennessy.com/
Juliette Crane - http://www.juliettecrane.com/
Jenny Doh - http://blog.crescendoh.com/crescendoh/
Mati Rose McDonough - http://www.matirose.com/
Patti Ballard - http://www.pbsartstudio.com
Rachael Rice - http://rachaelrice.com/
Roben Marie Smith - http://www.robenmarie.com/
Andrea Schroeder - http://www.creativedreamincubator.com/
Lynn Whipple - http://www.lynnwhipple.com/
Donna Downey - http://www.donnadowney.com/

Oh and this WHOLE BUDGET thing...yes, this is the year folks the Gypsy gets out of debt. You can't do retirement in debt. This sucks...I am THINKING about everything I do. I have a spreadsheet. The thing that doesn't suck?  I already PAID OFF a big credit card that has been hanging over me! I now have less than 30% to go and its only January! I am stoked at the changes happening!  

OH and it is the year that the Torino will be restored and running! We decided to do stock and to make her a show car! I am putitng money aside every month and THIS YEAR she will be done!!! I am thinking of having Betty Boop painted on the rear fenders because I named her that when I was 12!  AND she is red!

It is all about GETTING THINGS DONE this year! Including getting rid of my clutter and I want to update my furniture. I want a nice big TV with a nice piece of furniture to put it in and close it off when not in use. I want things taken care of this year! It is time. Most of my stuff is used since I got my divorce 14 years ago, except my bed, and I want new, pretty and comfortable...its time.

Deep Shit and buried!

I have been buried deep in shit this year....so much piling up on me, buried in clutter, buried in art supplies buried in my own deep thoughts and stuck in the mire of all the shit rambling around my head. Since the months I have not posted anything on here, I have been working only in my daily planner and making mail art. 

Got through the shame of asking family and friends to help start the process of unburying the crap in my house....I have a LONG way to go but we are making progress...

Been doing some ancestry searching...found out on Friday a shocking piece of news. You know, all the horrific, strange, and down right weird shit I have survived in my family, I didn't think I could EVER be shocked again...

Never say never! And be careful when researching your family tree...there are MORE skeletons in the closet than I EVER thought there could be, and I don't know WHY it is shaking me to the core...but it is...I am left feeling ALL these huge feelings of betrayal...and who the fuck am I, and a little like an alien again....

Wow... Perfect timing since my kits from 23andMe JUST came in the mail a few minutes ago! WOW....

When my cousin Annette and I met up with our boys to see our Uncle Richard, he told us that his sister Gloria had found out that my mothers father on her birth certificate was NOT her fahter...I didn't really belive it until Friday. I found his grave online and damn!!!! Louis Gregoire died  10 Jun 1941 in San Francisco, San Francisco, California, USA, a little hard to be my grandfather considering my mother was born in August of 1942!!!!

I just hate that I had all this information of who I thought I was....crazy.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is that my grandmother who was like my mom, never told us...as I was reeling from that, I was thinking how lonely and ashamed she must have been about a lot of things in her life....but not so far off from women who have been sexually molested as children.... I just wish I had the information when I could have talked to her about it....

When you find out some things about people that you really looked up to and find out the dark side about them, it does rock your world for a time.... I will balance out...but it did freak me out... AND gives me a peek into why her older children had such issues with her... I think by the time she got to raising me not only did she mellow out....but she was more loving to her last two kids than the previous 7. Just makes me sad for her....and tainted the memory of the woman who I thought I knew.  There is a lot of shit I know about my grandmother and I always accepted her as a human being and I will continue to do that, but this one...why wouldn't she tell me who my grandfather was? Makes sense why she wouldn't take me to the grave!

It also makes some sense and to why my mother and her did not get along at all...maybe she had ghosts popping up in her head the entire time around my mother....

A friend told me how important it is to feeling about your unborn child, Yes....imprinting at pregnancy....ooosh...which is why I believe I have the feelings I do and why I struggle with being relevant in this world...I was never wanted by my mother or father and I was abandoned at birth.

I am ever grateful to my grandma Carmen who brought me home and took care of me with her youngest son Richard who was 16 when I was born...those two raised me until I was 12, when after a nervous breakdown and a shrink that told her to get me from them, I went to live with her...

My mother has hated me my entire life, she is a true Narcissistic personality disorder, and when I finally had enough of her ruining my life in order for her to feel better about herself....I have been healing. There will always be trigger points....like finding out this new information, and it will always bring up my abandonment and abuse issues stemming from my bio parents, but now I can understand it, FEEL it and move through it.... I am working on not getting stuck anymore....

I spent my youth wasting precious time being angry. Now I thank them for the person I became despite the horrific stuff that has happened. With all that pain came a great GIFT.... MY personal compassion for people, my ability to have empathy. Personally I would not change a thing....except some times the brokenness I feel is overwhelming....and I pick up a lot of emotions from people around me....so staying grounded is always a challenge. I am finding the balance! This is another piece of the puzzle that is making sense to the deep roots of not belonging anywhere....

....acknowledging, facing it, and moving forward is a good thing...and my journal is my best friend!

Yesterday, we met up with my cousin Annette and did the 23andMe DNA test. My cousin doesn't know her mom's side of the family origin for sure... they told her puerto rican, I always heard filipino, her grandfather looked Japanese...and I have NO idea who my mother's dad is now...so we decided to do this and try to find out! What a journey!

My family teases me about how much I photograph everything...so here you go...have a good laugh!

             

Clean up begins

Today I am spending my time doing laundry. Moving my shoes and vanity table out of my bedroom to make room for the clothes racks I have in the spare bedroom. Next week WGBs daughter comes home for a couple of weeks. The bedroom has two of my clothes racks. I am trying to get down to one.

Clean up the bed...fresh laundry and bath towels. 

So off to hang up more clothes! 

Well although I sat here at my computer this morning at 6:30 am BLINKING! Wondering HOW was it time to go back to work, the day went by pretty fast, and I even remembered how to use the new phones! 

I walked on both my breaks...I had to do some shopping and pick up some healthy food to start my new year off right at work. Another change today, I had breakfast at home, even though I couldn't eat it all, I am trying to eat in the morning! 

7,078 steps today! WOW! not bad for a work day!  Not bad for a fresh start!

Today I heard from Rena..."I have been LOVING my purple scarf of love, it's so beautiful.....I thought the skein was so pretty...but had noooo clue it would knit up into something like that, sooo cool. I really can't thank you enough Carmen, such a treasure, both you....and my scarf..... xxxx"

This is the yarn her mom had in her stash, last year her passed away, Rena gave me this yarn when we met up at Lindsay's house in October! I made her a small scarf and this large one!  There was also enough to make my cowl hoodie!

 

I am so excited that I am feeling good today! I cleaned the kitchen and then sat down to enjoy some knitting...its an early night, I am going to bed to watch an episode of Merlin!

New Beginnings

Since it is my last day off...boo for having to go back to work tomorrow! I slept in until 10! I couldn't believe it! I can't sleep passed 7 usually! AND then I watched the Rose Parade! A tradition I had with Grandma Carmen when she was alive....while I was watching I was cleaning my family room part of my studio...getting the supplies back into the part that is supposed to be my studio...and wow...I am making progress! I can see floor!!! LOL I might be able to vacuum today!

I found 6 Starbucks cards...I put them in my new Starbucks App for the iPhone and found that I have $65 on them! WOWZER! WHY do I keep paying with cash??? I have credit! LOL Oh! I found a $50 Amazon gift card I have been looking for! Now I can buy the books I want for my Kindle!!! WHOOT for clearing out the clutter! LOL

Hey! THERE is my blue/purple lap blanket I was working on with my size 10 addie turbo knitting needles!!!! Gah! I bought ANOTHER pair of size 10 just last week! See the virtue of being clean???? Hahahha  After I was tired I sat on the couch and knit some on that blue/purple lap blanket! Maybe next year it will be ready to give away! I see there are mistakes again...but I am not ripping it out again! It is what it is! 

Todays total walking steps: 3,052 steps.

Then around 8:30 p.m. my son calls from his car he is 30 minutes from my house!!! What? Its almost time to go to bed because I have WORK for the first time in a damn week and you decide to be here! grrrr....so Vernon Surprised me with a late night visit!! Grrrr would have liked to have been able to spend more time with him! about an hour that was it...but he at least stopped in to see me...have to be grateful! He got here at 9:00 pm and left about 10:30 pm and I have to go to work tomorrow! Damn it!  I am so keyed up I don't want to sleep now! :(

The weird thing is after all the years of my ex acting like he was sick, Vernon tells me he now has cancer in both his kidneys...doesn't help he is an alcoholic and chain smokes...not to mention any of the other drugs he does...sad he wasted his life.

Even the obligatory photo...even though I cleaned all day, and didn't get myself together...here I am au-natural! Snort But more important a photo with my kid!

Soulful

Thank you Veterins for all the ways you forged my freedom to sit here and be soulful while I mull over my life today.

Today seemed to scream by so fast as I thought about my life and made some stride in my art today.

I cleaned a bit of my studio day and updated my iTunes and iPhone. It all takes time and I am grateful I had some today.