The Gypsy on Adventure

Here we go again!

Here we go again. Church and State is not being separated, stepping on other people's rights, religious bullies,  rhetoric for the sheep. Texas is disturbing.

Look it, you do not have the right to decide for other people HOW they will live their lives. It is not up to you! And I am really starting to be angry with how our Country is going. Am I passed having children, yes, but this is still very personal!

First off, at 17 years old I had my first baby, I had the options all laid out in front of me, and for ME, I wanted to keep him. I always say that having him saved my life. I made better decisions, looked after myself while pregnant, and had the best delivery I could do. I did lamaze and had him natural, I was a hippie mom, every thing natural. I got married when I was 18, I was on the pill and got pregnant (those were they days when you got sick and on  antibiotics would screw up the pill but we didn't know that), I was flabbergasted to find out I was pregnant again! We chose to keep her.

We were struggling. My ex was a year older, he wasn't making a lot of money, we struggled for everything. Every single day was drama and struggle. It was HARD. The wolf was always at the door, always.

I put my foot down. He was going to have a vasectomy. Why should "I" have a major surgery to prevent children when I had just gone through the worst birth ever with my second! 42 hrs of labour, she was feet first and I had her natural, 2 hours in I couldn't even talk and I had bruises down my back from holding on to the bed so tight, I almost died! I was a mess! AND clearly the pill did not work for me! I wasn't going to be pregnant again!

We went to the doctor together thankfully, to talk about him getting a vasectomy. The doctor said no! I raised my eye brow! What are you saying? He is too young the doctor said. He was 20 and I was 19. I said, we have 2 children! We are done! He was like no, I won't do it. Then the stupid reasoning. What happens if one of your children die and you can't have more children? Raised eye brow again. I am sorry but you CANNOT replace one child with another child! They are NOT the same child! That is stupid.

I said ok, then this is how it is going to go. I am going to hold YOU responsible for ALL the other children we have, and I expect YOU to send us money monthly to help feed all of the children that will come after we leave this office! I was on the pill and my children are 18 months apart! I expect in about 9 months there will be a third.

The doctor looked at me horrified. I wasn't kidding. I wasn't budging. I was 19 fucking overwhelmed and I was not leaving without an appointment for my ex husband. We got the appointment! He had a vasectomy!

I am fucking sick of people telling other people HOW to live their lives! They don't help those women when the babies are born! And if they do get State aid, they shame them for being on it! So shut the fuck up! I don't see compassion for those that have to deal with a child in incest or rape. I don't see the punishment for men that are JUST as responsible for making a baby. And then have your neighbors turn on you for money! This is the lowest of the low, especially to poor women who have limited choice as it is! Lets face it, women with money can leave the State and deal with the issue any where. Poor women cannot, you are boxing them in and putting them at more risk! And why should ANY woman be trapped because you don't like something!

If it is not YOUR choice, that is fine! You live with the choices YOU make! Do not force others to live by YOUR choices!  

Like Mr. Rodgers said, I am looking for the helpers!

Blogging with Effy Wild

 

We've seen days like this.

Any motivation to write is a good thing.

 

 

When I interviewed Maya Angelou, she told me to write this sentence in my notepad and to never forget it: 

"Every storm runs out of rain."

I still think of that line to this day.  Alex Banayan

I am trying to keep my eye on that line. That this terrible experience we are all in will run out of power and stop, eventually. The pandemic, Delta Variant, Covid deniers, Mask resisters, Science haters, California Wildfires, Hurricane Ida, New Jersey and New York flooding, Greenland losing the ice, Global warming deniers,  the attempt to recall our Gov. and costing the tax payers of California Millions of dollars, Good people doing nothing, Afghanistan, Rep. McCarthy threatens tech and telecom firms that comply with the January 6th insurrection committee's request,  and Texas...

I sure hope that the storm runs out of rain soon.

 

 

 

I know I have a really hard job, to stay better and not bitter. It is up to us to keep voting. Keep educating ourselves. Keep speaking out. Keep being kind. Keep our humanity. Keep creating art. Keep being thought provoking with our art. Keep standing up for people who cannot stand up for themselves alone. Keep believing in the separation of Church and State. Keep believing in our Constitution. Be willing to learn and grow.  What a time we are living in. 

The one good thing I noticed today, my point of joy was the blue sky out my art desk window. I haven't seen a blue sky in weeks due to the Wildfires. My soul felt a burst of hope while I looked out my window today.

 

Awareness and Change

The good and bad thing about things coming up and being revisited is to re-evaluate my behaviors and old patterns. And seeing it with some ah-ha moments, that I didn't fully comprehend before. And trying to set up a plan to succeed and not slip back into old habits that do not serve me anymore. And to get rid of the shame I feel about money and finances. This stems from many things, including trying to fill the hole in my soul, and I know that no matter how many 'things' I buy, it will not fill it. I cannot fawn over people anymore, trying to 'give' them things in order to show them I love them.

Unfortunately both my grandmothers did this behavior, and yes, you do get a rush, or a relief from the pain when you shop, but you are left feeling other things in its wake. So I am learning to thank that behavior and say no, I have everything I need, and people love me without me buying them things. 

Over the last 5 years I have made an effort to prefer experiences not things. People not things. And financial health and well-being connection. Acknowledging the struggles and embracing the changes.

 

 

 

 

I'm blogging along with Effy Wild in April. If you'd like to join the Facebook group to read the rules, go here!

Feeling all accomplished

Last night I had a sleepless night. I was fretting over the 5K walk for this morning. My head was storming. WTF am I doing? Am I capable of walking the 3.5 miles? I usually hit the wall at 2.5 that I do every day.  My friend and I got there late, so we aren't in the group photo, but I didn't care we met up with our friends and we walked 3.75 miles!!!! I walked with a new friend and she was as slow as I am so we were a good match! We didn't stop for any breathers, we walked for 91 minutes! And just like that all the fears gone, and I FINISHED my FIRST 5K walk!  It made me closer to my friends who were walking with me, it made me happy that I could do HARD things! Accomplishment! And I have the T-shirt to prove it! I still cannot help but find beauty on any walk, I saw some birds, the cemetery to remind us to live our lives to the fullest every single day because life is short, and beautiful flowers! I love that so many of my friends were there and showed up for themselves too! 

 

 

 
I'm blogging along with Effy Wild in April. If you'd like to join the Facebook group to read the rules, go here!

 

 

 

          

Head Games - and not the Foreigner song!

I have been on a journey of getting healthier since June of 2018, I joined WW and I am grateful for their workshops and app, I have been able to lose 27 pounds so far. I am back in my normal fat clothes and I am so excited about that. I tried losing weight on my own, but I have no thyroid and I struggle. I have always eaten really healthy, I love vegetables and fruit, but I also love Cheetos! LOL I haven't had any Cheetos and I gave up my Dr. Pepper. (that addiction was lifelong) But I really want to age as well as I can. My stats are all great, my blood work is good, and I FINALLY found a doctor who is willing to test my thyroid levels every 3 months to make sure my meds are on track!

Today I had a huge moment of "OH SHIT I am an imposter"! I get so excited with everyone sharing their lives in the workshops, some of my friends were doing a 5K and I signed up for my first 5K!!!   I can walk 2.5 miles without too much pain but then I hit my threshold and pain grips me. So of course today I am all up in my head, worse case scenarios storming! The walk is on Sunday morning! The nice thing was when I mentioned this several friends said, that's ok! I will walk with you! So I am doing it! Putting my pain patches on, wearing good shoes and getting out with a group of other women working on themselves so I am doing my first 5K! Who the fuck am I? I would have NEVER have signed up for a 5K before! I have to say with all the head games my inner critic sends me on I am enjoying learning about the new me!

Every thing I love to do, draw, paint, knit, sew, bead, journal all involves sitting. So I have been really trying to incorporate more movement into my life. So today, even though I feel like an imposter, I am proud of myself for trying something new! And I am laughing at myself because I am still paying for the gardening I did on Saturday!!! I hurt! LOL So Sunday is going to be a mindful walk, meditation that I can DO HARD THINGS!

High Maintenance Day

Today we got up early and drove into Billings for the 2nd time in a row, but this time was partly to get my eyelashes taken off. They started to get really crunchy and I was glad to find someone that could take them off...it is the same gal that is going to do my eyebrows! I am glad that I can get some maintenance on the road...and the sweet thing is WGB just keeps telling me to be myself and be natural! I love him but I have my limits! giggle  Afterwards we took Barb to lunch at Applebee's...great day but long. When I got home I uploaded my may pages to facebook and called it night.

Love

We are trying to recover. Didn't sleep great but that is the story of my life.  My entire body hurts. Just trying to enjoy the time with the kids and the baby. The baby started to warm up to me. When I was telling my son I had to leave my plants (especially the ones Lucy gave me) I started to cry. So WGB took off to go pick them up in Mountain View. I wish he would not have done that...but he insisted.

Mizz V had to go on a girls trip and my son had to go to work so I got to babysit Twinkle! Since she had warmed up to me it all went really well! She is really into her big bouncy balls, and totally into fish! We are watching Dory a lot!  She is cute as a button!

WGB was able to get the plants and my rose and made it to Chris and Brian's again by 11 pm...of course he hit commute traffic trying to get back to Grass Valley. At least he got a nice nights sleep!

My arms hurt so bad they cannot be lifted up!

Grateful

The reason I pay so much to live here...this is my Winter! 72 and lovely! 2.83 Mile walk today... Beautiful afternoon!

Park by my house

Re-start

Thanks to my friend for a nice 3.25 mile walk.... I will improve! Part way through it was all about zen...do not focus on the pain accept and move through it! I am back to out of shape and not where I want to be, Taji 100 is coming up and I am starting to be serious again...small steps, small focus points, I can do this!