The Gypsy on Adventure

Self-love

Today is one of the coolest days we will have, by Weds it will be over 100 again! GROAN So I spent the day making turkey chili and 2 turkey meatloaves to freeze. I want to do a soup but I really don't have a lot of veggies to throw in the pot.

 

 

 

 

 

I have spent the day being lazy, put up the nominations for Random Acts of Mail for the week. Then spent time catching up with creating layouts in my Hobonichi planner/journal, posted them to instgram. Checked on the plants. 

 

 

 

 

 

Sat on the couch watching Discovery of Witches Season 1 and some of Season 2 while I messed around with Procreate and did some sketching in my sketch book. 

Just laidback and no pressure day. Only thing is I keep hearing the air support going over to Auburn for the Bridge Fire and I have to say it puts me on edge. 

Some times self-love shows up in cooking all day to get a jump on the week. In heat I hate to cook and I don't want the house heating up so when we get a break I try to jump on it. I didn't have anything else to make, we bought a huge pack of ground turkey and needed to cook it up.  I don't know what else will be added to the week, most likely salads and chicken. We may do a BBQ on the hottest day so we don't have to heat the house up.

Blog along with Effy Wild

MARS Retreat

Before I could get to the retreat, I am grateful for my tax return, because it paid to finally fix my Monte Carlo! The damn thing had an ignition switch problem that screwed up my heating and air! So I couldn't defrost or cool myself off! UGH AND I am grateful it wasn't the blower! 

The guy at the dealer took a double take on the mileage! He was like, REALLY? Its only at 54K and its a 2000, he said it is in great condition. I told him when I bought it 2009, it was at 12K and he said, so you haven't put much on either! LOL I guess not. A couple of issues but nothing that has to be addressed right now! I told him I always think of it like a Grandma Car...he said, um, no this is a little hot rod! I said, um no! My Torino IS a hot rod!  WGB always tells me I underestimate the car, I just feel CONSERVATIVE in it.

But now I am no longer dependent on WGB to drive me around! AND I get my independence back! I hate to have to rely on anyone! I am happy to share my life with him, but like my independence!!!  Plus I forgot how to drive!  Not really, but its been way too long. So I had a little stressful start to the weekend but grateful to have my car back and fixed! And looking forward to driving!

This morning I finished prepping all my food, and buttoned up the packing. It's Retreat time! Twice a year my art tribe gets together and puts on the Mountain Artist Retreat Sleepover! This is our 10th year!!! We do it Bi-Annually and this year we are Uptown Girls! We lost our normal camp and decided to upgrade to a fancy hotel with a conference room! Best decision ever!

I brought less stuff than last time, each one I learn to bring less and less! AND my suitcase was half full for the clothes and shoes. 2 bags of supplies to create. And 2 bags of food. Next time I am aiming for 1 bag of supplies. (lucky I live in town!) WGB went back home picked up my computer chair and brought it back for me, it saves my back. Sitting in tiny chairs that are uncomfortable all weekend would have me hurting too much. SO grateful for my boyfriend, the love of my life. Even my tribe noticed I was cutting back on what I brought! Living closer makes it SO much easier! If I really need something, I could go home and get it!

I am still storming, grappling with all the stuff coming up since January. I am really tired of repressing my anger, disappointment, the fact that my soul was torn in savage way that I did not deserve. My inner soul is bloody, raw, ugly, torn and broken. And in the midst of that, I have not addressed the grief of losing my brother. 

I am truly trying to F E E L what I need to F E E L. Every day I still pull my Tarot card for the day, and I have to say it has been right on each day! Feeling more comfortable with my deck again, its been too long since I practiced. I am enjoying this journey. It is following all the storming I am feeling. I know that this will change me but I am no longer dreading it, or fearing it!

And for my 100 Day Project Watercolor washes and quotes, my talented friend Lindsay taught me Colusa Skies! A watercolor technique she does and it is perfect for my watercolor washes and quotes. This is why I love getting together with the tribe, we inspire each other, encourage one another, and love each other! 

I have to say I love these watercolors as well! They are quickly becoming my favorite for washes! They are creamy and large enough to fill my brush easily.  

Remember we are all working on things we want for ourselves, and I am remembering that this month my job is to confront and Grieve my Grief!

I'm blogging along with Effy Wild in April. If you'd like to join the Facebook group to read the rules, go here!

 

 

Storming, Meditation and Acknowledgement

I get annoyed when I face the same issues over and over and over again, maybe in a different form, or a different human being, and I think why is this coming up again? I have done the work. I have done HARD work. I am vigilant about making sure I don't get stuck in one place. That I grow. That I learn. That I let go. That I encourage BETTER within me.  And I was talking to a friend about this a couple of years ago. I was blown away by what she said.

I am always in my head and I was talking to her about some painful memories and how sick I was of dealing with this shit every few years. She was SO wise! She told me her theory, that every time we see the issue again, we are seeing it from another angle, we see more of the lesson we learned, a deeper meaning, a deeper healing. That was an AH-HA moment for me. It made sense and it resonated with me.

I am just seeing these things at another angle...

As for my grief...I saw this and it resonated.

 

Storming and facing Grief...Trigger warning

In the class I am taking, Moonshine, the Tarot card pulled for the month of April was the 3 of Swords. Another reminder that I am NOT facing all of my grief. The biggest fear is that I won't be able to bear it. Which is stupid because my entire life has been about bearing grief. I have a right to my pain. I have a right to make decisions based on the VERY REAL reality of things that were done to me. I have a right to self-care and I make VERY SOUND decisions, I weigh things out, I research, I put an inner light on any issues. I CAN TRUST MY DECISIONS.  You may want to bypass reading this, I am basically writing it out to work it out again.

Sweet boring

Oh! my new Sketch book came today!!! They ARE great for Sweet Trash! I wish I had started it in January, but that is ok, 1 in a composition book is fine, but man do I love this SO much!!! 

  I love this size of this book, I just cut some of the margin out of the page and can glue the entire PDF for the class inside, there is room for notes, I can sketch in it if I want to. I love the feel of it. I cannot do watercolor in it but this is for sweet trash...with all my feelings and notes. It just made me happy today! The other item that came was my new Tarot deck Crow Tarot. I love the imagery but the Starman is still my go-to deck right now05/100 of 100 Days Project, and a screw up with my pen when I was making the circle...but it is what it is...and I am moving on.

05/100 of 100 Days Project, and a screw up with my pen when I was making the circle...but it is what it is...and I am moving on. I am using the sparkly watercolors. Maybe I will actually have a decent one by the time the 100 days are over!

 

 

 

I was working in my journal today and trying to just let it be ugly, you know, how art has to go through ugly stages to get to where you want it to be? I am there right now. Lots of more work to do on it but I am glad I am back to working in my journal. What I am loving about this process is the doing of the work, not questioning the outcome, just getting the paint to go where I want it to, layering the work, being PATIENT which I am not very good at and letting it dry and being consistent in my process. I put together an art journal play list of some music and just hit this morning. I am getting more comfortable in how I want to approach the process.

Today on my walk we saw a few deer, they were across the street, but I love seeing them. We live on a relatively flat street and no traffic. It is a great walking street and lots of people who live here have dogs and so its a great dog walking street! It is about a mile long if we do the entire street. And I love hearing the birds, the quiet and seeing the wild life. This time of year we can hear the frogs singing. I am at peace where I live. It is a nice contrast to my before life.

View on my walk

My back view

Front of the house trees are finally blooming

Love when the trees get leaves again

View on my walk

Lets hope I can get some sleep because first thing in the morning is my FIRST 5K! 

I spent most of today Binge watching Sabrina Season 2 on Netflix....I love to binge but hate when it is over!

 

 
I'm blogging along with Effy Wild in April. If you'd like to join the Facebook group to read the rules, go here!

5 of Cups Reversed

Goals being slain!

I followed through with pulling a Tarot Card everyday last month! I am keeping it up and gleaning some powerful imagery and relating the cards to what is deeply going on in my life. Reading over the March entries, there is a bit of oh that is creepy, but more of that is SO amazing, resonating so strong with the struggles I am dealing with. It was all about my Grief, from my brother's death to wounds from family members.

My last card pulled for March was the 5 of Cups Reversed. Oooooof….all about moving forward from what was lost! Use grief as a force for good feelings of deep compassion and empathy. Thrust into a sacrid realm where the healing  capacity of emotions is allowed to work.  Use the force of grief as a force for GOOD. The cup is carved deeper by emotion which tears at the heart of your being, creating more space then to hold wonder, joy and grace. Deep compassion and empathy.

In my life, when I have dealt with deep soul cutting grief, I have always made the conscience decision to be "Better rather than Bitter". I am "better" for the disasters that have happened in my life. Molding me pliable for deep compassion and empathy for others going through what I have in my life. I believe if we share our stories of pain and how we have overcome it, it does give hope to others in the trenches of that kind of pain. 

Empathy. Ooof… I am an empath. It is painful and hard to be one. Some times I just cut off the chatter of it...other times I listen and move through it. It is exhausting and hard sometimes to feel my own shit because of it. It is the absolute reason why I hate being in big cities and love being more in the country. I don't have all of the bombardment of people hammering at me. Still learning how to ground myself and not be so hypervigilant of what is going on around me. I suppose I am still in denial of it...it was more astounding when I was a kid through the teen years, but I put it away when I had to be more conservative navigating my career years. So it is popping up more and more in my retirement. I could always feel a ripple in the universe and KNOW that something was going on with family members or those close to me...

Fear...just have to walk through the fire

Day 2 of 31 days of blogging with Effy

Part of my art anxiety was actually doing paint to canvas. That whole, who the crap do I think I am, an artist? Yes, I have always thought of myself as an artist. No I am not van Gogh but I enjoy working in paint, I enjoy the art I do. Honestly, I don't care if I ever sell a thing, it IS the process of creating art that fills my soul up!

View from the side of my house

Dream She-shed

Part of my frustration has been not having a studio. When we moved into our forever house, I compromised with not having an out building, and a smaller home to stay within our budget, I don't want my studio IN my house. I create a mess and like to leave it...too long. Also, I want to keep our guest room a place for people to come and visit us. In our last place my studio/family room got way out of hand, I lost 3 girl friends and inherited some of their supplies plus mine and I was completely overwhelmed until we moved. I stopped having people over because the house was old, and it looked like a hoarder lived there.  Plus, inside our house, they put new carpet before we moved in...so I didn't think of painting inside the house. But I have been here over a year, and I am no closer to getting my She-shed studio, 90% of my stuff is still in the storage pod.  

This will be my view when I get the She-shed up. They are more expensive than I thought they were, and I am going to look into them building it on a trailer frame. For 2 reasons: 1 if we move I can take it with me, and 2nd, if it is on a trailer frame it won't be attached to my house taxes being raised.

For the last two years I have only been doing watercolors since it is so portable. I did get my portable art table up near my window, to the incredible view I am SO grateful for! And I have started to paint! On canvas! I have been working in my 2019 Journal as well. So my living room now looks like an artist lives here who is messy! gah...but I can't NOT do extensive art anymore...my soul needs this work.

Time to Revive many things in my life!

I am doing the Artfully Wild Blog Along, the Month of April, I needed a reason to kick start my writing again, even if it is just for me. 

So many radical changes in the last 3 years for me. Things I have learned through this time. I am finally feeling like I am standing on my feet again. Rise like the phoenix!  Allow yourself to flounder. Wander aimlessly. Figure yourself out no matter how old you are.

1. August 1, 2016, I retired from a job I had been at since 1984. How crazy that feels when I hear that out loud! I worked REALLY hard the last five years I was there to make sure that job did not define me as a person when I walked out the door. It now feels like a lifetime ago! Some times I miss the work, it felt meaningful. But I will always have the insights, lessons from humanity, but will most likely always have the hypervigilance that it gifted me! 
2. We packed up our house we were renting for 19 years and put everything in storage, and then took off driving around the country for 5 months. 
3. On September 11th of 2017, we got back home to California. We stayed with some good friends for a month while we searched for our forever house in the Sierra Nevada Foothills. We bought our first house talk about terrifying and surreal, I never thought I would be a home owner! We moved in on October 12, 2017. 
4. May 16, 2018, my baby brother Steve was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer (1 day after his 54th birthday)...I got to see him for a few hours in July, and by December 11th he was gone. (He lived in Joplin Mo so 3000 miles between us). He was my person. The one that never made me feel like an alien. The one that didn't judge me. The one that always had wise words... My brother Chuck thought I had it worse since I couldn't be there, but I have to say, there is no worse its just all bad when you lose someone you love.

Anyway, all those major changes had me pretty much frozen for awhile. Then I was gifted a Life Coaching experience and had 7-8 sessions and started to make plans for my art goals as well as my health and wellness goals! Last year I didn't do my online art classes...and I felt I not only wasted my money, but I didn't get to enjoy the experiences...I was working things out and adjusting to my new life in the Sierra's. And getting my strength back since living in a house that had mold, I was chronically sick.

So this year I got in on Effy Wilds 365 Course! And I wanted to keep up! I drilled down to what I really wanted, and I really want a body work by the end of December 2019!  I have been terrified of painting on Canvas...all those fears of "not being good enough", so I worked on that in my Coaching! Since January I have 3 completed Canvas painted! And starting a new one tomorrow! I am working in my journal and following my classes!

It is a lot of work, soul work! Stuff I would be writing out or obsessing in my brain is coming out on the page or the canvas. This year Effy is having collaborative artists for BOD (Book of Days) and that has been exciting as well. If you want to go deeper in your art work, join us. It has been an amazing experience. She is real. Take her as she is. And enjoy the ride. You don't have to do woo-woo, but there is sure a connection I am experiencing.

100 Faces Project

On July 22nd, I started another 100 day project! This time 100 faces! but you don't have to do one every day...just a commitment to doing 100 faces! Its funny because some of them ARE coming out looking a little like people I know. I am not a "Fine" artist, I am more whimsical...but I am continuing the PRACTICE!!!!

So it just made sense to me that I try to do Bill since he died...

 

100 Days Project April 3- July 11th

Wow! I highly recommend committing yourself at some point, to pick a theme and do the 100 Days Project! It kicked my creative ass! It forced to me try to fix problems. I used a really bad Moleskine book where I wanted to do watercolors! It was awful to work in! I then tried Watercolor Ground for the first time and this project and book FOUGHT ME EVERY SINGLE DAY! But I grew! I grew as an artist! 

The crazy thing, ok I completed my 100 Days of Frida and I learned a lot about her! I learned a lot about how to paint and my technique on faces IS improving! Practice Practice Practice! A few of the examples out of the 100 days.