I am quiet because I am having a really hard time....
We miss our girl. This is the first time we are real Empty Nesters. The house is too quiet. I was owned by that sweet girl for 36 years, in March she would have been 37. She was like one of my kids. But also heartbreaking is the bond that WGB and Crackers had. She loved him so much! True story, the first year we were living together and he went to Montana to visit his family, he had to talk to her EVERY DAY or she would not eat! Same with my oldest cat at the time, they refused to eat until he talked to them.
She was very bright (they are like 5 year olds) and liked to sing silly songs, and knew about 300 words. My favorite was The long whistle and OH NO the end of world! Or her Popeye, Eye-gee-gee (adding at times Blow me down) out of the blue. Singing "Wise Crackers says, only birds can fly, but I can't fly because my wings are clipped" to the tune of Elvis Wise men. Or when people would come to the door and think I was home because she sounded like me when she said H E L L O!!! And it was her responding! And the laugh. Oh the silly laugh every time we would be talking or on the phone she was laughing all the time in the background. Or her Exercist Bird, she would almost turn her head all the way around while flapping her wings holding on to the side of the cage yelling! LOL Her taking baths in her water dish and making a mess! If we were eating something yelling "WHAT are you doing????" Loving her feet tickled saying Tickle Feet!!! Or yelling at us WHERE are you going???? And what became her word for things she wanted "night night" all with different inflections... How while we have been living in this house with her view, she loved it so much you would just hear her cooing...and whispering to herself just so happy in this house watching the hundreds of birds in our yard, deer, rabbits and foxes.
The morning routine is out of whack. I have a hard time doing some things now, prepping food, toast, scrambled eggs, seeing apples in the store today I almost broke down. We just looked at each other. Knowing that the apple area was hard. Chicken and rice for dinner, her favorite. This just sucks. It was about 2 hours of morning time with her to set her all up for the day (we enjoyed spoiling her) and we just seem to roam the house not really knowing what to do with ourselves.
We both agree it is too early to think of getting another pet. We don't even know if we will get another bird, and my heart breaks writing that, but there are no bird vets up here. If that changes I may reconsider. I don't think I would get one like her, there was only ONE Crackers and she was my heart.
We both know our house doesn't feel like a home right now.
And I think we are going to take at least a year to decide if we want to open our hearts up to another animal.
I am grateful. She was singing and happy and looking out the window, talking while WGB was cooking her scrambled eggs. He walked in to give her breakfast, he put the bowl down, she sighed and fell of her perch. She was instantly gone. He tried CPR but she was gone. No suffering, no pain. WGB and I are experiencing the pain of her not being here.
Yesterday we washed all of her things and her cage and put it away in the garage. Home is just wrong right now. So I won't be on here much. And this holiday isn't one I want to celebrate.
Death. One second everything is right in the world. The next second it is not.
The hardest part for us is that we were not expecting this. She wasn't sick, she was just her sweet self. We think it was a stroke or an anuisium, it was so instant. We thought we were going to have to leave her in our will with funds to take care of her. So I just. still, cannot wrap my brain around the fact that she is not with us anymore. I cry going to sleep and I wake up realizing she is gone and I am crying again. There is a huge hole in our hearts right now.
Love your family...even the fur and feathered ones. Have a nice Christmas, I won't be checking FB I don't think. And I am only hoping 2021 is better than this shit of a year 2020.
Comments