What is so hard in letting go...all the things you can't seem to be able to express with mere words, just how much that man meant to me. Mark was in my life during some of the worst moments I have lived through. He always believed in me. He accepted me unconditionally even though he thought I was stupid as shit to stay with my ex. He understood why I had to. When things got really bad he would make me laugh...he would validate me as a person and we would laugh until we cried at my fucked up life! But always, always he loved me through it. He stood by me and I stood by him. It is what friends do.
I know he was SO happy for me when I finally found my way to happy. When I found the love of my life. When I found I didn't have to accept pain as love, that love actually made you soar. He was proud of me.
There were no boundaries. It was an unconditional love. He was there for kids as well. All those years we laughed about me wanting a "normal" life when I got it we were just smiley!
There was really not a lot that man couldn't do. Intelligent, passionate, smart, filled with common sense, compassion, and what a writer! I always wanted him to write a book, he could make me laugh so hard in sharing his travels! I felt like I was there living the moments with him. I miss knowing that he was in the world, his laugh, and his look on his face "what the fuck are you thinking Carmen" look! LOL
One that was puzzled and amused.
He was able to be compassionate with me because he had suffered great loss in his life as well, he had a marriage that wasn't ideal. He had things that were his demons and recognized some of those demons chasing my ass as well...connections of the soul do not disappear, not even in death.
His daughter in-law wrote this about his son...and now I can add he raised an awesome kid too!
"I am so incredibly proud of my husband. One of the most difficult things a person could face is losing their parent and over the past twenty four hours I have watched him sit by his dad's side, hold his hand and continuously reassure him that everything was going to be ok. Even when things got really difficult to watch he never lost his composure and made sure things were as calm as possible for his dad's sake. Alex, I love you with all my heart and I know that your dad is so incredibly proud of you and I'm sure he is so thankful you were there to be his strength at the end. You are an amazing man.
Mark, I hope you are enjoying that dance with your baby girl. You deserve it."
I am proud of my nephew Alex, who had the tools inside his soul to step up and love his dad through some tough things through his own life and showed up for and loved him, not always understanding his dad's decisions but always finding it in his heart to love him anyway! Being by his side even when it got gross and hard...as the shell that held his dad here was shedding...I love you Alex and I love you Georgie! You have been a good wife and mom yourself...and I am glad you are in my family!
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