Celebrate every day you have it all together...Even though she is 90 she looks like she is in her 70s and acts about that too! She is amazing! She knows she is slowing down, but man mentally she has it all there! That is hopeful! I am so grateful that she feels relatively good, she has been scared this year a couple of times, and she is coming to grips that she will die sooner than later, but she is in good mental health and enjoys even the simplest things in her life. She is looking forward to planting her Spring flowers, she reads voraciously and watches her programs she enjoys, with of course her love of movies.
I know that she still fights with my dad, he wants to get rid of things, and she wants to keep it all...hum...maybe the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree after all...since the horrible clutter "I" have in my house right now, since not being able to move for so long...and it is a MOTIVATOR for me to clean up the clutter and get rid of shit I don't need! I can learn from others !!!! Giggle
Although I have A LOT to be grateful for...I am really going through SO much sadness right now. And YES I GET this is NOT about me! And no one has the right to judge my grief, I am just feeling so much loss right now and grieving for my friend. I got an email from Lucy's husband Roy, and she is home, with hospice, and not eating. Mostly sleeping and I am PRAYING he will let me come up to see her I miss her so much! This is SO hard for me. Abandonment issues are not easy to stuff when that has been an issue all of your life, so this effects me in ways that are old patterns and demons raising their ugly heads to torment...
Seriously, I haven't stopped balling since I opened his email.
The first time we sat and talked she just captured my heart with her spirit, and we had so many things in common. She has a special place in my soul. I have only had her love and friendship since 2005 and it is just so UNFAIR to loose her now....But don't get me wrong, I am grateful for being loved by her, for all the fun, for all the creating...we just have SO MUCH MORE we could have done. I am going to miss sending her email and notes about things I found that we would love to do...
She has been one of the only people who has really "gotten" me in my life...she is a light force. If you could meet her you would instantly recognize why I feel how I do. We had a wonderful journey together, even if it was too short. SO much I wanted to share and do with her...
I celebrate the love and moments....and grieve the fun I am loosing.
I hate fucking cancer!
Today even though I don't feel great I walked 2,270 steps!
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