We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give. —Winston Churchill
Hum...I have seen this quote endlessly over the last week. I feel that I have been missing some thing...I don't feel like I have given a lot...or have done enough. I feel inadequate.
Maybe it is just the season. Or my insecurity. Or just plain reality. This time of year always renders me into a little darkness and this year is no different. I think when you have a fractured family that is always going to be the case. I miss the ideal of family, not the reality of my family.
I miss my grandmother.
I never allow myself to feel the full betrayal of my family ... I never look at the whole picture at once ... I try to shield my soul from the impact. The failure of the relationships what ever the reason, has been picked at the last few months, and is just in a painful place. I thought that things had healed...but life is funny that way when it picks at a healed scar...it makes it a little uncomfortable. Not bloody like it once was, not a gaping wound...but a layer of the wound is still there...the battle scars will always be there.
Love me...love my scars...
And just at the moment when someone at my side says: There, she is gone! There are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: Here she comes!
God's finger touched her and she slept. Brief is life, but love is long... And if I go, while you're still here....know that I live on, vibrating to a different measure, behind a veil you cannot see through. You will not see me, so you must now have faith. I wait for the time when we can soar together again, both aware of each other. Until then, live your life to it's fullest and when you need me, just whisper my name in your heart...I will be there.
Comments