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Humf...but its my FRIDAY! Yippee vacation for an Art Retreat! Yeah! Clickerman went home sick before noon!!!! What a pleasant day at work for me!!! It was a gift to lift my spirit, so that I could be in my happy place while I get ready to go to the ZNE ConvenZioNE in Pleasanton...SO close to home!
I am experiencing anxiety about going...WHY do I have anxiety?
When I posted this photo on Flickr, one of my flickrettes made this comment that just spun my head! "Oh my gosh. I am so jealous (the good kind)
of how beautiful you look! I mean, of course
you have always been beautiful, but your real
face and body is emerging and you are just
gorgeous!" NOW THAT is motivation for me! I think that is one of the best compliments I have EVER received in my entire life! And it makes me see that people CAN see a difference and that I am going to keep myself motivated to shed this excess weight! I can get so discouraged because I have so FAR to go! But when people can see that I am making a change it gets me motivated!!!! When I woke up this morning my feet were really swollen, I think I might have too much salt still in my diet...I don't add any to my food, but it seems there is still an issue with it. So I have to continue to watch this.
Here is the highlight of the day! Jack! Jack the rascal came in and ran around and loved all of us...and he is so damn cute I want to steal him!!! There is nothing better than Jack kisses!!!! Especially gives me such JOY!!!! LOVE the little fur ball!
And since the WGB does not want any more fur babies ever, he said it would be like him telling me he wants a baby! GACK...I so want a little dog! A puggly or some other small one! When I retire...and the other fur babies are gone... Duncan said he will teach me how to whine, like he did to get his girlfriend to comply with getting Jack! LOL
At home I worked on the icon book and tried to relax...I am LOVING the way it is looking!
I was like a caged animal today! Don't let the smile fool you, I can be like a venus fly trap! LOL AND I am getting dangerous, when I feel cornered or no way out...I get edgy! AND that clicker man is on my last nerve, and thinking he is going to get the job...GRRRRR
I am seriously not happy with the energy in the room when he is there...I wish I was oblivious to the energy and then I wouldn't care...But I am constantly drained from putting up defenses NOT to hear or see the bad energy!
Be careful Gypsy MAY bite!
One of the girls at work were SO happy and noticed I was skinnier...and could fit in this again! : D Made me hug her! I am battling the lazy gene, I want this weight gone but I don't want to have to work at it like I didn't have to when I was young and a bone-rack!
But then I get so excited that people notice the change that it motivates me to keep it up...I have felt for the last month that it is coming back on from that horrible couple of weeks of PMSing...so I have to stay on top of it.
"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." -Dr. Seuss
AND Feeling great after my walk today! Another 40 minutes! I just have to do MORE of it...and I am working on accepting who I am more...and embracing the silly side to me and trying to let go of all the bad things...
I have started to work on my Religious Icon Book, printing and cutting out images and the painting has begun, I love the way the pages look in a book when you start to alter it. I just wish I had the opportunity to get together with other artists to do work, and be more motivated...working alone some times is lonely for me, but I am finally starting to be more dedicated since I cleaned my work table! And can actually work AT the table! Snort!
There were just a few more minutes spent on knitting up some fun orange!
Duncan brought in a bundle of joy! Meet Jack the Pug! I want to steal him, take him home, and love him up! The hysterical thing he is SO wiggly it is hard to get a photo of his face, AND he plays like a cat! He was following my fingers like cats do and pouncing on them! Giggle Grins Laughs! I want a puggy so bad! But Michael said it was like me asking him to have another kid...sigh...when I have no more animals it is going to be a sad day...and a PUGGY would make me smile! snort!
Oh speaking of laughing...check out my Manga! Too funny! It kinda looks like me!
Ah! My foster mom is celebrating her birthday today...she doesn't like the age but I am glad she IS here and aging! Happiest years to you my dear Sondra! She saved me when I was 15...and was an ear to a fucked up little teen and allowed me to be exactly WHO I was in the moment...non-judging and loving me with all my flaws... So enjoy every moment you are graced to be here and KNOW that you have touched SO many with your love, honesty, care, and life experiences. No one could ever replace you!
And for me, I danced for you this morning and spun around thanking the Universe you picked me up as I crawled out my window that winter night and saw for yourself the hell I was in...and didn't fear any one or thing and did what your heart told you to do! And I will forever laugh every time I hear "THAT woman!"
Oh I worked on so much art today! I was truly inspired. I finished the Sherbet Shawl!!! AND started the canvas background, I will learn more in a class later this month, but this is going well! I started to paint the Religious Icon book AND I printed and cut out the icon papers too! I am on a roll today! While doing all that I even cooked up some great hardy soup...Lentle, barely, yellow and green pea, chicken soup!
Mary came over today and we went to Campbell to the new yarn shop Green Planet Yarn downtown! Awesome store AND some of the people that worked at Knitting Arts before they closed work there! Yeah! There were lots of great yarns and patterns, this one just screamed my name!
We had lunch across the street at Cafe Campbell we had salads! Whoosh they were good!
Then I came home and knit my little heart out in air conditioning! : D
Ah...No clicker man...no boss...an easy fantastic day at work!
Tonight, relaxing, getting ready to watch Ghost Whisperer! Knitting on the couch. Did I mention RELAXING? What a great way to start the weekend!
This morning I was refreshed, and back to having nothing but good thoughts. Whew. Dark dark place yesterday. Today I am grateful that I see the body changes, the pants are so baggy I can't wear them anymore. Starting to see some real progress! YEAH
After work I had some great mail! Pallie woman sent me this cool photo and some neat cards!
I started the prep work for two shrines! A good functioning day!
Suffering between loud weeping and great smiles...Trying to surrender...and be flexible...like water running through the streets not knowing where it will end up...but will still be water.
This morning the more I tried to deny my emotions about my best friend, the more I fell apart...so today I decided I was seeking...to be a kind host...I stayed home and decided to BE IN THE MOMENT...feel it, process it, and move through it. Hard to do, but I did the best I could.
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and attend them all! Even if they're a crown of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
-Rumi
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