Interesting thoughts...

You know, part of a healthy life & style is to deal with your emotional life and baggage as well...and some times doing that is just really difficult and I some times resent old ghosts and demons rearing their ugly heads.

What was interesting is that I read this now, I tripped over on Sylvia Luna's blog and saw this perfect sentence, that matches my life right now even though she wrote it in October:
"But I'm managing, that what does not kill me only makes me stronger. I find a lot of strength in life's challenges, 'unasked for' challenges. Those are the kind that we can't  allow ourselves to dwell on it's negativity but turn it into life's lessons and move forward. Someone just told me yesterday that it wouldn't be good for me to have an unwanted 'visitor' rent space in my head when i have no vacancy for him. I assured that person that if my "no vacancy' sign is up, that is how I play. That is something we can all apply in our lives, isn't it?"

God that is SO fricken true! I swear some times I am living in a nightmare! And the shit just never ends. I am not a happy girl tonight...With anyone...I am so tweaked.  There is STILL so much emotional baggage...left over from a time that I no longer ever want to think of. Some times I wonder why it is that we have memories...memories are not always my friend and this time of year just exacerbates that horrible dread feelings of family that lurks in my brain.

And I get sick and tired of all the times I had to protect people, especially when they want to go walking right into the dragons den! Why... Why walk into evil when you know it is there. I don't get it.

I guess the most I can do is acknowledge that it is looming there. That it existed...that I can choose to let it go...and some how figure out how not to allow it to take vacancy in my head! And most importantly not to let it reside in my body. One thing I have noticed over the years of trying to heal, that these things that caused damage to my soul can have a hold on my body...some how I have to learn how to reverse that...not allow it in my body. But the memories can be on a cellular level...it is hard to explain the hold ... but I want to rid myself of it...

Will it ever heal enough to not bother me? ever?

I am tired of this! I am convinced once you are broken...that is it you are always broken.

Comments

[Kim]

Hey Girl...sorry to hear you are down in the dumps a bit...I can relate somewhat to baggage, taking on your thoughts, body...etc...

You CAN and WILL get past this and with each time and each day, you CAN put this behind you and be whole. You just have to find that which will make you perfect and whole again.. :) hang in there, bella...you are beautiful and precious...and don't let your thoughts tell you otherwise.

[gypsy]

Hey Kim,
We can't always be on the high of things going well...and down in the dumps is ok if I don't stay there! I am not fond of the holidays...and it is beginning... sigh...This one is tough since it is about my kid making some choices that are driving me crazy! But I am out of control of his decisions and I cannot let it completely depress me...although in all honesty it is.

Have a GREAT Thanksgiving! You are among the people I am grateful for! Hugs!