This is NOT good-bye

This is my 1279th entry and I have to tell you I am PROFOUNDLY sad.

I know I should not be shocked however, I am. On Thursday, December 22, 2005, I called Carol at about 1030 a.m. telling her I had just received an email from Edie, that Linda S. had just moved into her sisters home. And how sad we were and how both of us wanted to drive to Dixon and pick her up and bring her home with us.

Little did we know that 6 days later our Linda would be dead. Cancer kills people...and it sucks! Edie phoned me this afternoon a little after 4pm to tell me that she passed away at 3:10 pm today...I was stunned to silence...and I didn't know what to say. Edie took it the same way. She didn't know what to say either. It was too soon...I really thought she would be here until closer to her birthday in February...and so did Edie, she thought her birthday or near easter...

I believe Linda gave up. She did not want to die alone, so she moved to her sisters, but she didn't really want to be there either (nothing against Joan), it just wasn't HER home...so I think she said that is enough, and took a nap and didn't wake up. Joan went into the room because the delivery guys were there to set up the hospital bed, and she was already gone. Joan was calling me while I was talking to Edie...so after the phone call with Edie, I called Joan back to let her know I would let the other Crazies know...

Now we wait...Edie was not sure who was invited to the Neptune Society boat ride to let her ashes go...but we decided that I would have the Linda Celebration the weekend before her birthday this February...Edie will come down and stay with me...So February 21st Linda would have been 59. Sigh. She made it to 58 which was important to her, because her father had died at 57.

So that will be the weekend that I have everyone here and we make the trek to go and cut my hair and donate it in Linda's honor. It gives me some time to heal a bit...not be so sad and time to learn to let go. Like Edie said, it is hair and will grow back, it is not like I can bring Linda back, but I can honor her with my hair and give someone else the gift of looking normal as they go through the process Linda did. The day she got her wig...she felt better...like people were no longer staring at her...and saying cancer victim...I can do that for some one in HER honor!

I had told Edie I was talking about Linda a lot yesterday to Pallie and showing off her beautiful work to her...and that I could not believe that she was gone. I thought that Carol and I would at least be able to venture to Dixon to see her...and I am so glad I got everyone together when I did...and that we were able to see her one more time together...Lucy could not go that day...she was sick...but she was with us emotionally.

Melissa Etheridge ~ singing with her haunting voice ~ This is not good-bye!

Bravely you let go of my hand...I can't speak and yet you understand...Where I go now I go alone...this path I walk these days of stone...and the angels are calling...I must go away...wait for me here...silently stay...and don't ask me why...only believe this is not good-bye...all of my strength my desire...still cannot melt this breath of fire...I go to meet some kind of test...bury the truth that scars my chest and the angels are calling and calling...I must go away...wait for me here silently stay...and don't ask me why...only believe is not good-bye! I gathered all my courage...I shaved off all my fear...with my banner on my shoulder...I hold your essence near...and the angels are calling and calling and calling...I must go away...oh wait for me here...silently stay...and don't ask me why...only believe this is not goodbye...this is not goodbye.

Our February Birthday celebration in San Francisco tea house with her cousin Edie, this is my favorite photo of her ever! This was a really fun day, as you can tell. This was Linda right before she was diagnosed with colon cancer, wearing my new purple hat in May 2004! Looking all that! One of the things Edie shared with me was that Linda had decided to do the Neptune Society throw your ashes boat ride...and that she had paid for 8 people to do this. When Edie asked why. Linda said, "Because EIGHT is enough!" That was her sense of humor! LOL

Then last years Christmas celebration and working through the day with chemo side effects, we still managed to have a great time. And during our Valentine and birthday celebration 2005. She got to walk my red carpet giggling like she always did. But struggling that day.

And I believe this is the last photo I took of Linda in July...she didn't like photos anymore after this. But this was a really fun and productive day for us. We learned how to make tags out of paint samples with varnish. We had a lot of un just being all together...boy time flys..I can't believe this was in July and she was looking forward to October to go to Japan...and now it is December and she is gone.

Comments

[Linda]

Hi My Dear am so sorry to hear that Linda has died and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your friends and Linda's Family!! may you find joy in all your wonderful memories you had together!!! big hugs to you!! Linda

[Chantal]

Hi Gypsy,

I was sorry to read about your friend's passing and am sending you much love and many prayers. Death is difficult for the ones left to grieve, so be kind to yourself and take time to feel it all. And know that Linda is fine and merely passed on. Her soul lives on and what a beautiful soul it is!

Sending love and hugs,
Chantal

[Sammy Stafney]

Gypsy, I just read about your friend... How very sad this time must be for you.. Some friends are like sisters and it sounds like Linda was one of yours...

thoughts and prayers with you...
hugs,
Sammy

[Dee]

Gypsy, I am so sorry to read this. There are no words can express the loss. >big hugs>
Holding you close in thought and prayer,
Dee