The Gypsy on Adventure

Wheel of Fortune

I have lost my ever loving mind! And I suck at personal relationships right now. My job sucks. My whole life just sucks ass. I am completely stressed out. But like the Tarot cards I am learning about, I am working on the Wheel of Fortune right now, I am on  a downtrend...and eventually things have to get better!

Wouldn't it be great if when I finish this card that is mirroring my life, that I will actually be back on the up swing.

I am so depressed I don't really feel like going on my get away trip with some of the people I work with...team building...code words for eating and drinking, and where I am going to be able to see my kid, he is about an hour away.

I just want to get in bed and never come out and be the little hermit crab I feel like. Time for something to make me feel good. Damn it! I will force myself to go and put myself in a good mood like it or not!  And hope to God no one wants to talk really deep!

Maybe I can complete my Zine swap while I am there between the margaritas! Cause oh yeah, it is going to be Margaritaville for me!

Zines

Ok I must be a glutton for punishment...the inner critic started the minute I hit the SEND button...but I have signed up for a Zine Swap. Gulp. What have I done?

I have been going in a downward spiral for the last month. This time of year literally kicks my ass, and I am now officially in the throws of complete sadness, and depression, which is really just anger turned inward as they say.

I hate this time of year.

So in order to torture my soul more, I thought hey, I don't have enough to stress out about...how about doing your first zine in a swap with people you absoulutely don't kNOw! GAH...I think I should really see a shrink!

The Hermit Card

The Hermit

Since the symbols of the Hermit are pretty straight forward, this was a relatively easier card for me. The concept of the Hermit I can relate to, so often I enjoy solitude, I could be happy just with myself and my art, books and old movies.

Solitude is a wonderful commodity and not one to take for granted.

I used the imagery of an ancient forest with stone steps going upward toward the top. Hidden in the green, the appearance of the symbol of Virgo, which is the sign my boyfriend was born under. 

I placed the ultimate gypsy Stevie Nicks ascending the stairs as the Hermit, holding the staff and the lantern. And on the first step is a frog trying to ascend after her, representing me seeking wisdom from the Hermit of the forest.

I used Stevie's song, Sorcerer

Sorcerer, who is the master

A man and woman on a star stream

In the middle of a snow dream

Sorcerer, show me the high life

Come over let me put you on ice

The Strength Card

Strength

Wow…I actually finished! I used a lot of the symbols that mean things to me. Fall, my favorite time of year, so I used that as the background, and the colors for strength traditionally are red, orange, and yellow ~ fire.

It is very hard trying to find images to represent Intuition and strength that my soul is strong, that I have self control, that there is peace controlling all the inner desires. This is just so hard to do.  That we can walk through the fear and have strength.  And that the accomplishment becomes a part of our very beings. How does anyone portray that in images?

That you have somehow moved up the spiritual ladder, although most of the time in my deepest feelings I feel that I have gone lower on the ladder. Fighting with eternal intuition and strength. What is my personal desire that I have trouble fighting? Problem with my money. Mainly because I have dyslexia and that becomes a major issue with me trying to handle my money. Trying to get debt free, not feeling like I am getting anywhere. The concept of money eludes me, and is the most frustrating thing in my life. It is the bane of my existence.

So in my card I made sure to include a hand throwing up money. It represents that I am trying to deal with my money…and that at times it gets the best of me, it shames me, it makes me crazy, but my inner strength will eventually prevail!

The beast in the background on the bridge is faded out to a ghost in order to represent all those issues with material forces that I have overcome. The beast is lacking in true power against me, it no longer has the power to command me. The bridge represents the choices and getting passed what it is you know you have to overcome. In front of the fading beast I sit in the sun light of knowledge and contentment.

I used my favorite cat – Hooter, who passed away this year as the representation of the lion in my card. She was almost 20 years old, and she was fiercely loyal to those who she loved. She was the “Great Hooter Warrior”; she had no fear even if the other cat was twice her size. She was almost a person!

Part of my strength comes from Michael, so in this card I incorporated the Nordic God Odin and the Tiger to represent him. Small fairies are flying around the tiger; these are the creatures I decided to use in my card to represent the fact that you don’t have to be large warriors to survive! So there are many fairies in the card, along with an alter with fairies dancing the dance of life.

I like the feeling of magic, and unicorns and princesses just seem to fit, especially in a card about strength and using fairies as a creature of that inner strength. Innocence has a very intense strength in its core.

I used the first two lines of the song Enchanted by Stevie Nicks in the card…

Crying in the morning trying to be strong

Waiting for the Spring to turn into the Fall

Very sad...

Gah! I lost my entire journal...one false move! Poof! gone...

I thought I was deleting some old photos...to give myself more space...but I must have deleted a file I need to run it!

So far I think all of my book entries are gone.

The Chariot

I chose my 1969 Ford GT Torino to represent the Chariot in my card. This is my dream car, and I am lucky to have had her in my life. This car has a very deep meaning in my life. It is the symbol of my childhood, it was my first and only choice for a car, and I picked her out when I was 10 years old.

It is a symbol of my freedom in more ways than one. As a teenager it represented freedom from my family. Some time to be alone. Cruising in my muscle car. All about speed and being on the road with the wind blowing my long hair around me. My childhood was in such chaos; I truly used my car to get away from all of my problems. It was my independence; freedom; arrogance and cool. It saved me from an insane family.

So when this card represents Victory after a struggle…whew…I think of my Torino. Triumph over opposition; faith in myself; patience in life; justice in the world all are themes within my personal love of my car.

She became mine at 15 ½ years old; I had been in love with her since my family got her. I learned to drive in her. I drove hours to get away. And when I finally left my marriage of 20 years, there was an ugly court battle. My husband never worked, I was the sole supporter of my family. And he was angry I was no longer going to be his meal ticket. He could no longer control me. I left. He used everything he could to hurt me.

I knew I had to surrender to succeed. This one act brought me the respect of my lawyer. He came to me and told me I could get out of my marriage on some conditions; because I wanted out of alimony, it just made me incredibly angry to write my ex out a check every month when he was perfectly capable of working. The conditions, ½ my retirement, 85% of my IRA that I had been putting into for 16 years, and my 1969 Ford Torino.

He went for my heart. I looked at my lawyer and said “If you haven’t figured it out yet, I would chew off my arms to get out of this marriage…give it to him!” I refused to spend more of my money fighting for “things”…I wanted my freedom. My lawyer patted me on the head and told me I was a good kid, then he walked away to tell them I had agreed to the terms. My heart was breaking. But that car for the second time in my life provided me my freedom.

I grieved. I grieved. I grieved. I thought I would be sad forever. I was inconsolable. And Michael to his credit searched and searched for a replacement to my car. None to be found. I tried to tell him it was a rare car. Only so many were made…and they are old and those that are restored, the owners do not want to give them up. I tried to be happy that I had enjoyed her once. It really wasn’t enough.

Then I received a phone call…my ex was in trouble…he didn’t save money for the tax man from cashing in on my retirement. He NEEDED money. I NEEDED my car.

So…I had a friend go by who happened to be an undercover stolen vehicle detective, irony for me indeed, since my ex stole her from me, and he left a note on the car that he was interested in buying it. The ex bit! And I was able to buy my car back again! This time through a detective looking like a dirt bag…and my boyfriend giving me the money to get her back!

So she is sitting in my drive way and my ex has NO idea that I have her! He thinks he screwed me…and I sit content with my car in the driveway! So I had to use her as my Chariot!

And these words from the song by Stevie Nicks Battle Of The Dragon Lyrics

No one walks away from this battle                                                                                           From the power, it's so strong Like a fury, like a fury                                                               Keep that fury deep inside you

I didn’t walk away from the battle, I was empowered and the fury I have is deep, and I am trying to live in less bitterness, less pain, and more freedom…I have my freedom back. I have my childhood back and she is sitting in my driveway!

Michael, the cheerleader in my life, has provided me with my dream car, he told me it was fair since he has his dream car, on December 9, 1999, he was able to buy his, a 1994 Jaguar XJS…and it was important to him that I stop grieving my dream car…and I cannot express the joy I feel with the windows rolled down, the stereo blasting and my hair flying in the wind…sheer joy!

In the sunflowers I put Ripley from Aliens as the cosmic warrior, David Bowie in 1969 and my kids when they were asleep in the Torino as small children.

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope that everyone had a very Happy Thanksgiving. I am grinning like a fool over here. What started out a little rough turned into a nice holiday.

I LOVE not having family drama. I love having a low key slow cooking day. I love being able to be myself without worrying that the other shoe is going to drop.

I love being able to sit while the food is cooking and watch movies! So far I watched the Stepford Wives, The 3rd Harry Potter, The First 50 Dates and Once upon a Time with Cary Grant. It was a nice day.

[btw click on the frog and he will grin! LOL]

Popular

Boy I have been popular lately! Tonight one of my bosses, that went to another shift stopped by my house for coffee before his shift! It is nice to live in town and the guys feel comfortable enough to stop by for coffee.

We spent a couple of hours catching up with each other...makes me miss him all over again! The first few weeks without him were tough. It is nice to love the people you work with! : )

Spooky Scope

Quickie: Don't be so suspicious of others' motives. Maybe they really do just want to help.

Sharp wits and goofy humor work together to make your partner's holiday stress feel less heavy and more lighthearted. You can't argue if you're busy dancing.

Daily extended

Are the things you're surrounding yourself with necessities, or simply useless material items? If you don't know the definitive answer to that question, you're about to find out. Luxuries and amenities begin to fade out of the picture, leaving you to ponder what is truly important. By the light of the stars it's just you and the nitty-gritty, the brass tacks and all those other ways of describing hard reality. You've done it before, and you can do it again.

This is funny, since I am trying to get out of my clutter mess! BEFORE my party in December! “Necessities or useless material?” LOL   And the fact that money is getting tight…very scary scope indeed!

My girl friend Pamela came over for lunch today…she loved my house…and said it was less cluttered than last time, I laughed and showed her my garage! Giggle She laughed and said when she retires in 6 months she would organize me!  I love my friends!

The Lovers Card

Ah for the much awaited card from Gypsy! *Giggle*

I FINALLY finished...almost the Lovers Card!

Ta Da! How many weeks behind am I now? GAH

But I am going to go on from THIS weeks lesson and still try to catch up. You know some times having a real job just hinders the passion of my art! And this time of year is brutal!

But I am glad that I was able to finish this card.

I used the song:

Whenever I Call You "Friend"

Stevie Nicks                                                         

Written by Kenny Loggins and M. Manchester.

Whenever I call you friend
I begin to think I understand
Anything we are
You and I have always been ever and ever

I see myself within your eyes
And that's all I need to show me why
Everything I do, always takes me home to you
Ever and ever

Now I know my life has given me more
Than memories day by day...we can see
In every moment there's a reason to carry on

Sigh...I finally finished the Lovers Card.

I had a lot of fun with this one...still not how I envisioned it...but I am not unhappy with it. I like it.

Michael has been my best friend for 20 years. And the song has significant meaning to me...my exhusband could be quite crewl, and I remember that the last night I saw him as we talked about why I was ending our marriage, I thought to myself over and over again this one thought! "I will never again see myself through YOUR eyes"...

Michael adores me, always has, and is VERY kind and I so LOVE seeing myself though HIS eyes! I used to tell him all the time to keep those funny glasses on...you know the rose colored ones! LOL

In the notes I remembered the "Fiery Crown - for clarifying fire" so I immediately thought of Queen Latifa (sp?) CD cover with her hair on fire! Love that!

Of course I had to use the Adam & Eve paradise gained and lost... devil and angels whispering.

I had to have Some Where in Time there since it is one of my comfort movies. Cary Grant who I am mad about. Stevie dancing to the moon.

A tiger (Michael has been known as Tiger from infant hood) and a frog (me). And the sexy legs attached to my fairylike body with my face!! Giggle I really like that image it is fun.

I loved the "Erotic Revival Crusade" Logo, because I found myself again when I was able to embrace Michael... that part of myself was so dead for such a long time, I celebrate his ability to awaken me from a deep sleep!