The Gypsy on Adventure

Um....

 

 

Happy Birth Day

“All my big mistakes are when I try to second-guess or please an audience. My work is always stronger when I get very selfish about it.” – David Bowie

Yes, David Bowie and Elvis Presley were both born on January 8th, although they were born 12 years apart. Elvis was born on January 8, 1935, while Bowie was born on January 8, 1947.

The irony of my bio-mother LOVING Elvis and being a fanatic, and the fact that I LOVE David Bowie, and fell hard for him when I was 12 years old that has lasted my entire life, does not go unnoticed by me! I find it fascinating that they were born on the same day!

Gratitude

I am almost done with digging myself out of debt. When my brother Steve died in December 2018, I spiraled. I have been learning so much about my trauma responses since his death and really examining my reactions and when it happens.

The HP gaming laptop I bought 6 years ago when we moved, has been doing a slow dance of death, and I have been wanting to get a new one and upgrade a bit. Here is where my gratitude comes in, WGB on a black Friday sale bought me the computer I wanted. It came last night...and today was the first time I was able to really try it out. It is SO much easier to change laptops now...everything was brought over including my Word, and Excel software! That was so sweet! Easy to find everything I needed.

Grateful for WGB and Sales!

HP - Victus 15.6" Gaming Laptop and it screaming fast!

It has been a year of grief.

This year has been SO hard losing special people especially from my childhood. From the music we danced to, those we looked up to, and those that made us laugh!

Nov 16 George Brown, American R&B and funk drummer (Kool & the Gang - "Celebration"), dies of lung cancer at 74

Hours of joy and dancing he gave all of us!

 

Nov 19 Rosalynn Carter, American activist and First Lady (1977-81), dies at 96 

August 18, 1927 – November 19, 2023, she was an American writer and activist who served as the first lady of the United States from 1977 to 1981, as the wife of President Jimmy Carter. Throughout her decades of public service, she was perhaps best known for being a leading advocate for women's rights and mental health.

In March 1977, Carter gave her first interview since becoming first lady. She outlined her goals in focusing on mental health: "For every person who needs mental health care to be able to receive it close to his home, and to remove the stigma from mental health care so people will be free to talk about it and seek help. It's been taboo for so long to admit you had a mental health problem."

Jimmy Carter, 99, has been in hospice care since February but made the 150-mile journey to attend the Atlanta service and was seen at the smaller Wednesday, Nov 29th service as well.

The funeral at Maranatha Baptist Church, which the Carters have attended for decades, was a smaller gathering made up mostly of family members and locals, in contrast to the Atlanta memorial, which included visiting dignitaries such as President Joe Biden and five first ladies.

Nov 25 Marty Krofft, Canadian puppeteer and television producer - with his brother Sid (H.R. Pufnstuf; Land of the Lost; Sigmund and the Sea Monsters; Donny & Marie), dies at 86

After designing the characters and sets for Hanna-Barbera's The Banana Splits (NBC, 1968–1970), the Kroffts' producing career began in 1969 with the landmark children's television series H.R. Pufnstuf. The series introduced the team's trademark style of large-scale, colourful design, puppetry, and special effects. Featuring a boy who has been lured into an alternate fantasy world and can never escape, the team also established a storytelling formula to which they would often return.

The Banana Splits and Pufnstuf, come on Witchy Poo! My kid crush, Jack Wild, were my absolute favorites as a kid! I got so much joy watching them and also collecting items from the shows. The brothers made me smile on hard days and they were just so fun!!!

 

Nov 29 Henry Kissinger, German American diplomat (US Secretary of State, 1973-77) and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 1973, dies at 100

He was always on the news when I was growing up, and always in the middle of arguments in my house.

Kissinger was a highly influential but polarizing figure. His impact extended beyond his tenure as national security adviser from 1969 to 1975 and overlapping/concurrent service as Secretary of State from 1973 to 1977, for decades spanning from the Vietnam War to the aftermath of 9/11. He leaves behind a mixed legacy: Once the most admired man in America according to a 1973 Gallup poll—the same year that he was controversially named the joint recipient of a Nobel Peace Prize for the Paris Peace Accords, along with North Vietnamese counterpart Le Duc Tho—he has also been fiercely criticized as a war criminal.

He managed to escape the Watergate scandal largely unscathed, continuing to serve as Secretary of State until the end of the Ford administration in 1977, when he was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian award.

Some critics have objected to Kissinger’s continued involvement in American foreign policy, arguing that his actions as America’s top diplomat created long-lasting problems that the nation continues to grapple with today, such as aiding fundamentalist Islamic movements in the Middle East and playing a role in fostering American dependence on Saudi oil.

Inktober

Tools of the Inking!

2023 This is the year I stick to it! I have gotten so insecure the last few attempts and this year I am going for it! Jumping off the edge! Mab’s Drawlloween and creative hand lettering and doodling with Lindsay prompts for the month.

I have been having a good time trying these new tools in drawing...and I have to say I am loving it! It is something I will be carrying through with. I have struggled with the process but I am really enjoying learning.  

I did get further in this challenge than I ever have!

Fly free my love

I have no words to articulate the pain I feel right now. I am heartbroken.

I am not on FB that much anymore and usually only in the morning for a friends live. This morning I read the message from her daughter Robin, who is also my friend, that Carol left us Wednesday night...

 

I am grateful she is no longer in any pain, and that she can cause all kinds of good shit on the other side...but I am REALLY grieving. And the magic in the world is much dimmer today than it was before.

 

I call her the Pied Pipper of Fun! We could literally be anywhere, and she would be attracting fun people all around us! Soon we had more in our group laughing and for a short time learning about new people that didn't feel like strangers after. She was magnetic! AND she was SO talented with everything she touched. She was a magpie and loved all art things especially shiny! We could talk for hours and hours. And we would get really animated about art passions.

 

I loved her voice. I loved her stories. I loved her laugh. We could laugh so hard we would pee our pants! She always brought the best out of me. AND she fucking pushed me! One year she recruited me to be the artist speaker at the Marin Quilt Show. All my Crazy Quilts were hung up with everyone else's quilts on display, and I had to get on stage with a PowerPoint and talk about Crazy Quilting. She loved me and believed in me. And she loved my art.

 

When I struggled to figure out my life, she told me about her best friend since childhood, Donna, who was an amazing intuitive counselor and we figured out some big changes for me. And I was able to move on with my life. She adored WGB, she called him her Swedish Prince. (They are both Swedish.) And WGB loved her.

 

Carol was a pilar in my life since I met her. One of those powerful, loving women, who brought me back to trusting women. This was huge for me! In my 30s I sought out women friends for the first time in my life and was vulnerable enough to make women friends. She was always bigger than a best friend. And she just always mirrored love.

 

She taught us that you can have SO MUCH JOY in the middle of a shitty situation. That I can lean into that right now. It is a learned skill for me but seemed so effortlessly for Carol. We had a rough patch and moved through it because of the mutual love. So friendship has its ups and downs but love always remains. She had quick mind, and we could troubleshoot life together. She never shrank from any issue of life.

 

She was bigger than life and I know she is on the other side as well. She will always be with me...but I will miss her physically being in the world.

 

 

 

 

 

Missing you ... still

A memory popped up today in facebook, from 2013, so I thought I would re-share here.

In this photo grandma is dressed up and in her favorite color...this was on my birthday in 1970...my lifelong love of collecting dolls...

Today is my day for reflection that I take every year. To honor the woman who raised me in all her flaws, she loved me, gave me the courage to be myself, odd and arty. She was a powerhouse of 4'11, wore whatever the hell she wanted and loved her high heel shoes all in size 4!!! Styling and silly...old and child-like.

 

Then I read this article today...just confirmed all the reasons why I take the time every year to reflect and ask myself that question..."Am I connecting with people?" "Do people KNOW that I love them?" Because conventional success has never been in the cards for me...but loving people has!

 

When I started out as a young adult I felt broken, I felt like I had no power to change my life, and then something clicked...I began to fight back and take responsibility for myself, and forgive those that harmed me. I let them go, I kicked them out of my head and gave myself permission to live. I had that right. And then slowly began to believe that not everyone was going to harm me. That was HUGE...trust from me is HUGE...

 

Since that decision to trust people, I have been SO lucky to have so many people in my life that inspire me, that I am loyal to, that make my heart soar for the things they are capable of doing. For the depth of commitment, I see in them. The brave, the weak, the strong...those that put their lives on the line for others every single day they walk into work...those that have such deep compassion for people I am left feeling like I do nothing.

 

I have been so blessed knowing so many people because I was able to get over myself...the fear of abandonment for so many years of my early life held my heart hostage...If you knew me then you would recognize I couldn't even hug people for fear of rejection and the anger that had taken over my youth. When someone is harmed over and over and over, they lose trust in people...in their own judgment.

 

But as I grew up...worked out the demons, my heart became broken open in a good way...and yup I cry when I am moved, you would have never seen a tear on my face before, I hug, I hug the stuffing out of people I love... I TELL people what they mean to me and that I love them! I tell them when I am proud of them...and I keep slaying those dragons in my head that pop up now and again that tell me I am less than you...all stemming from childhood abuse... I am no longer a child... But I hope to remain child-like, I am in awe of the world, I have a power I never did as a child...I have the ability to see that your pain can cause you to lash out at me and that it is your issue not mine.

 

I won't allow myself to be closed off again...so today when I read this article about "Are you living your Eulogy or your Resume?" I can say I sure hope people see I am living my Eulogy! That they see the good things in me before they just see the bad, the flaws, the scared little girl hiding behind her big heart... I hope that when you think of me you don't see the flaws, but you feel that I treated you well, that I listened, that I loved you...no regrets for anything that came before, because ALL of those experiences made me who I am....and gave me compassion for others...empathy that allows me to feel for you.

 

Even though my early life was not ideal...I am grateful. Grateful for those I love. Grateful that I found the love of my life and took the chance that it would make me happy. Grateful that for how many years I allowed myself to suffer, that I opened up my heart and made the dangerous decision to choose happy!

 

I am grateful that in all of Grandma Carmen's flaws, being the last child, she raised, she was able to open up her heart and love me...teaching me, even if it took more years than I like to admit, that I can do the same...overcome life obstacles and love. I can stand and know that all my hope is that when you think of me...you find kindness...you find love...and that I made you feel good about yourself and not bad!

 

I am off to celebrate Grandma Carmen and clean up her grave and honor her in the best way I know how...and think about all those friends I have lost over the years...and hold them close in my spirit and say thank you...

 

 

When its hard I keep my gratitude close

Today I was noticing what I thought were shadows on the hills in my view only to realize they are the burn marks from the fire in August. The really dark part of the further ridge is the burn scar in the 2nd photo. Makes me sad. But I am glad that that we have a view back with no smoke and I am seeing clouds! But my brain still cannot fathom that what I am seeing is a scar, I am so used to seeing what my view was. And I miss the house I used to see on the top of one of the ridges.

 

 

 

 

My repotted plant is looking happier. I really need this plant to pull through. I have never grown one of these either so it is a learning curve.

 

 

 

 

 

I think the worst part of the pandemic is how your life can be so mundane, especially being retired there are a lot of the same kind of days passing by. I blink and it is Friday again.  I usually can find the beauty in the mundane parts of my life, but the last 18 months it has been hard, since we are not doing anything out of the house, it just feels like we are losing time and it's a grind.

WGB is SO bored he can barely stand it, and he needs a hobby! He is doing a lot of yard work and stuff around the house, but he is bored. I haven't been as restless but I am getting there after MONTHS of such hot weather every.single.day! I can't go outside and enjoy our yard or neighborhood in the heat. We had 2 days of of cooler weather and we are back in the upper 80s again...gah... I find myself procrastinating with my art a lot. Hoping to turn that around!

I think we just have to remind ourselves that we are making it through a really hard time! Covid has killed 675,722 in the United States and in 1918 the Spanish Flu killed 675,000 (estimated) people in the United States, and we are not even close to getting it under control

I think as we start to cool off we need to go on some manageable hikes since I am SO out of shape since being stuck in the house. And we will start walking our street again, especially if we get a booster vaccine. Unfortunately we have people on our street that HAD Covid and was still walking and trying to come up on WGB near our house while she told him she had Covid! WTF Stay home you idiot and don't come up to us! But this was the reason I haven't felt comfortable walking my street either.

We were talking today about cleaning up my bike and fixing WGB's bike and do some bike riding for exercise before the rain and snow set in and we have some cooler weather. I just know that I have to start moving more and get out of this body funk.

I am out of balance and need to get my center again. I continue to work at my art area to clean it up, and still do my Hobonichi every day but I want to start making a dent in my sketch books. I want to create at least 3-4 pages in my sketch book every day, or at least finish a page as well. I need the practice and out of balance means I haven't been keeping up on my classes and creating art...and I need to do that. I seem to be avoiding the hard things and procrastinating. I hate that. So small steps to get it done. Set some goals and stick to it. Have the discipline to finish and get to where I want to be.

You know when you feel out of balance it doesn't seem like things are going smoothly. Everything becomes cumbersome and I think I just feel like things have piled on. However, all the bumps and bruises of the pandemic dim when we are so happy where we are. The good constant that is getting us through is where we are. Where I found the magic today was in this memory.

I am always filled with awe, filled with gratitude, and I still pinch myself, that we were able to buy our house. It was a bigger dream than I ever dreamed for myself. Four years ago today we put in our offer on this house. I was completely nervous and it was such an unknown I remember not sleeping really well that night.

Good friends of ours let us move in with them after our epic trip in order to find a house...we are still so grateful to them for their love and openness, for letting us stay with them for an exact month! Crazy how things work out!

These were photos we took that day...and every day when we wake up and head out to the kitchen we say to each other we GET to live here! We love living here...it was all in the most perfect timing...we still talk about how everything worked out. Including the Universe taking care of us. We are on the last street with fire hydrants, better internet, a good driveway, a walking street, a view. The ONLY downside was how small it is and I still don't have a studio...it will happen...grateful that all our hard work paid off in this huge way.

Come on, we retired, went on a 5 month trip across the Country and then bought this amazing little house. Dreams come true even if you have to wait until you retire.

What joy and dreams look like

Put a bow on it!

 

Feeling sad from missing my girlfriends daughter wedding. We had planned before Covid that her bitches (our loving word for each other) would be there to help out and everyone went but me. But I am the only one that doesn't have a thyroid, so I just cannot risk it. But it still makes me sad that I couldn't be there.

I have felt this way a lot since April 2020.  Today it feels never ending. And I am allowing myself to be sad. I just can't stay here. I need to be fluid and feel it then let it go. So I am adding a bow tie to be all fancy and shit and get through it.

How is your humanity doing?

'Once upon a time there was humanity' Art by Pam Walder

I feel like I am working really hard at keeping my core intact and losing traction. That whole decision I made in 2000, "Be Better, not Bitter", from 2016 through today,  the hard truth of how so many people in our society that were hiding in plain sight, are just nasty, unkind, unloving, refuse to walk in any one else's shoes, makes out full races as "other" and browbeat them with their anger and fear because they are not, or don't look, white. Violence against them when they are weaker than them, I am talking about the murders of black people and about the Asian hate spewed at elderly Asian's beaten in the streets. My heart is wrenching for them and it makes me feel angry and my warrior rears her ugly head!  

I am trying REALLY hard not to judge them harshly, but I have to tell you it is SO painful to hear them talk...and I feel with the hate spewed all over us in the Country since 2016, I really feel shut down and in a full blown PTSD response to them.

I know that people judge the world by who they are at the core. And like Maya Angelou taught us "Believe them the FIRST time they tell us who they are".  Struggling with HOW do we keep lines of communication open when all we hear are vile things against us? Or worse yet, when they ASSUME I think like them and they have NO idea who I am, let alone that I have Mexican roots because I "look" white.  That I am homophobic and not understanding of transgender struggles, not knowing how many family members and friends I have that are LGBTQ. That I have always been an advocate for them. I am still that teenager being called a 'fag-hag' because I had gay friends, and I still don't understand the hate.

People think they can say horrible things and I am supposed to just agree and shut up. I struggle with how to be kind when I am confronted with issues like this, without losing my shit, without being wordless, without being in shock. Why do I always go into shock and just shut down?

I can remember having this conversation with WGB while in Montana 4 years ago and the bane of everything are those damn Mexicans. As I sit there...wondering what the fuck...angry white man...what am I supposed to say to that? WGB thought maybe it was a moment for me to teach them, I said fuck no, and I think part of that was being the ONLY "other" at the table and to hear more foul things come out of their mouths, and quite honestly being a woman doesn't help in that situation either,  I just wasn't in a space to take that on. And then later wondered if I should have anyway...

I have that happen in my own damn family. The side that isn't Mexican...like they totally don't know who the hell I am. Well in honesty, I guess they really don't. I wasn't raised with them, and now I am SO grateful I wasn't. It has been a complicated relationship since I was abandoned at birth.

Even my father has said deplorable things about "Mexican's" and I was like, Dad! You DO KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO RIGHT????? My half brother, shaking my head,  the last text, I was asking him if he got vaccinated yet, (He had covid early on, before Delta) he was in the hospital with a horrible infection in his leg and his response "Got the first round. Mixed feelings about it but too many migrants, hate to do it but not much choice"... so of course it is ALL the "migrants" fault, nothing to do with white people in the South and Midwest REFUSING to follow science. Taking horse de-wormer when they get it and if they survive that then it was the cure! But they want to take credit for getting the vaccine so fast under the last person in the White House but refuse to take the vaccine and take everything but that! I am left shaking my head wondering what the fuck a lot.

Seriously I know of a woman who won't get vaccinated, took the de-wormer, is getting better and every one praying is thankful for that medicine working! SERIOUSLY?

Total vaccinations in the Unite States:

2nd dose administered

166,839,776 (50.3%)

 

1st dose administered

211,776,515 (63.8%)

 

Total population

331,996,199

 

Out of all those people being vaccinated it isn't safe? It is better to take a horse de-wormer? And "their" President got vaccinated...do they refuse to acknowledge that the Liar and Chief did get vaccinated after he left the White House when it was available??? I am confused by their logic. 

WGB and I talk all the time about not understanding people and where they get their information. And we know that even some of the information we get is skewed but I find it really hard to believe that intelligent people follow such harmful information.

I see people asking on social media if anyone they personally know has died of Covid, are you kidding me? Yes, 4 of my friends died... How many people have to die for them to KNOW it is a serious situation. Over 600,000 people who died in the United States is not enough for you to get vaccinated? Masks are for protection not for political bullshit.  But every where we go, so many people are unmasked! Like we are not in a pandemic! That 2,544 children hospitalized currently nationwide. They don't have a vaccine and I am terrified for my 6 year old grand who is sweet and reliant on the adults around her!

• The unvaccinated are 5x likely to get an infection
• 10X likely to be hospitalized 
• 11x likely to DIE

And they are angry that our current President is making an unpopular and needed decision to mandate vaccinations?

• 17 Million health care workers
• 4 Million Federal Government employees and contractors

I cannot even imagine a health care worker NOT getting vaccinated seeing what is happening, but I know some are. With people refusing to do the simplest things to get back to normal life, I understand the stance that is being taken by the administration! We cured Polio! Everyone stood in line for vaccinations! 

The Re-call of our Governor Gavin Newsome...this has been stressful for me. I am not a huge fan of Gavin, but in all honesty I stand by the decisions he made with this pandemic.  70.6% of California's population is vaccinated that is 39,283, 497 people! Was it great everything was shut down? No. Was it necessary, yes! Is it a hard restart, yes! Shit is not easy ever, but trying to do the right thing should be the number one thing we are actively doing. Honestly WGB and I think we are the only weird ones still doing everything we are supposed to.

Yesterday I just posted on FB that "You still have time to go vote until 8 pm" and I received a comment from someone that doesn't know me in real life, "You tried", I raised my eyebrow and thought about what I was going to write about on this post...assuming I wanted to throw Gavin out and have a trumper take his place. No thank you, I have had enough of that since 2016. 

Honestly now I don't feel safe going out and doing the things I want to because people are still refusing to get a vaccine or wear masks in public. I have no thyroid, I am vaccinated but I don't want to get sick. I am trying to reengage, but I am struggling with trust issues. I am struggling...and I am starting to get angry that people didn't do things they should be doing, and that is why I am still in lock down. People are still dying and being hospitalized at rates that we haven't seen in 7 months and people are still refusing to believe! I am angry now. I am sad. I am wanting my life back too...but I am not willing to run around where there are a lot of people not wearing masks and how do I know if they were vaccinated? If you are sick around me 99% of the time I get it. I have since both my thyroids were removed when I was 23 years old. I struggle with all the effects of not having them, I don't need to add anything to the struggle.

 

Change is never easy.

 

 

 

 

The first 2 photos are of a plant that I received from my friend Chrissy when my bird died in December, the darn raccoons last night knocked it over and displaced the dirt! Grimmy little poo butts! So I repotted in a bigger pot and I hope that it comes back. I had to plant the cuttings today, they had enough roots to try, and I am hoping that they don't get root rot.  (3 photo

The 4th and 5th photo is of 2 plants that were doing poorly just weeks ago and they are back to being happy! I am really lucky that they didn't die on me in this horrible heat this Summer!

 

 

 

And our Orange tree has ONE orange we are nurturing on it! My orange and lemon tree's are very young, so when we get fruit I am amazed! We need to repot this one still, its been so hot I just have not wanted to...and WGB is talking about putting it in the ground instead of a pot...so undecided still. My Meyer Lemon is staying on my deck because I don't want to let it get big...I like it mini!

Chrissy, one of my besties,  came by with a few art things for me today, I guess they have their first viewing for the house tomorrow. This has really depressed me, they are moving out of the State. And she was a big reason for why we are living where we are. They let us stay with them for 1 month before we found and moved into our first home. She means a lot to us, and she is always a lot of fun and very compassionate. It is not going to be the same without her, she is going to leave a really huge void for us.

WGB was like, she is not going to be happy. Then he said, well I guess I should say "I" am not going to be very happy without her here! 

I feel like almost 2 years was stolen from us with this damn covid and not being able to do the plans we had. She has taught me a lot about canning, gardening, cooking...I am just really sad and she hasn't even left yet. I am going to miss her just stopping by.

Memories don't fade

This is a hard time of year to be on social media or to watch any TV.  It started this week...the 20th Anniversary of 9/11. Every single year the going over of the horrendous day for the Country. The visual images on repeat. The collective pain. It is all too much for me, and I don't know how people who lost loved ones get through the day. Especially those that still to this day have not been able to "find" their loved one in the wreckage. No closure.

I won't be on socials tomorrow, I won't be watching the news. With the shit show that has been 2020-21 I just can't carry more pain, even old pain right now. It is just too much.

And yet, there are children and young people that have no idea what 9/11 was like. That to me is unfathomable. But I suppose that is how my grand parents felt about Pearl Harbor. But they always gave me a sense of what had happened. I paid attention. I listened. I learned. I hope for those coming behind us that they won't carry the deep pain, but will remember incident and what it means to our history and still to our future.

I was in the shower that morning when my boyfriend yelled at me to get out and come watch this, I knew from the sound of his voice it was bad, I didn't know how bad...the first tower was hit, and I saw the 2nd plane hit the 2nd tower. We both stood there in shock, I was shaking from being in a towel and wet and in horror. I was numb getting ready for work and don't even remember how I was able to drive there.

I remember going to work and telling my boss we should lock up because it was an act of war. He looked at me like I was crazy. I locked the door to our office...and a couple of hours later the City Manager contacted Department Heads to lock the City Buildings down, so then the entire building was on lock down and he was in the lobby to ask people coming in what their business was for that day. It was unnerving, and I don't think many of us got our work done with much cognition, we were all in shock and grief, and comforting one another.

It is not that I will not remember tomorrow. It is that I have to protect myself right now, I am too tender to bear it right now...the world is too heavy, we are no longer together as a Nation, we have been polarized since the 2016 election...getting worse every single year. And yet part of our problems came from the Patriot Act that George Bush Jr put through, Afghanistan that October and a 20 year war...and now having the region unstable again.

It is a layered grief...and still a layered fear of terrorism. Because it can happen again.

These photos are on the New Jersey side and the memorial of 9/11 from there facing New York and the new building replacing the 2 towers. And as we both stood there in silence, our memories went right back to the very day that it had happened. All I can tell you is, WGB and I both felt we were on sacred ground, all the feelings, the memories and just sending love to those families who lost someone on that day. Truly it is a moving memorial as you walk through slowly taking in everyone name and seeing the New York coast line as you walk out. It took my breathe away.

Annoying Trait

First off  I am  grateful that my boyfriend was able to recover last night while he slept. No issues through the night, just a little grumpy today, but he has a pass. When you don't feel good you can be grumpy!

I can come to your house and organize your studio. I cannot seem to organize my own art space! It is really annoying! I have been working for a few months in art clutter. First my sciatica was a beast and I was able to get pain free for the first time since 2004. But the Universe has a sense of humor and the exercise I was doing on my bed hurt my left shoulder! So constant pain it is! For MONTHS...

(Still have to get an MRI can't find an open, will have to suck up the fear and do a large bore MRI that I have not scheduled to see if I need surgery! THAT is another story involving stupid health care!)

Anyway, I am a paper whore! I LOVE doing collage work in my memory journals. So bags of paper, bins of paper, bowls of paper, stacks of paper. Not being able to move my arm without pain I have let the projects pile up and not clean my area. And now I am annoyed, it has been too long and I can't find shit I need PLUS some of my supplies and journals are still packed and ready to go in case of fire. I am overwhelmed. 

And acrylic paint, watercolor paint (I should be embarrassed by how much watercolor paint I own but I am not because I LOVE it!). Pens! Air tight containers on containers with pens. And don't get me started about my washi collection! OMG I am obsessed with washi! And stickers...that I can't seem to use in my journals...I have to start using them! It is that whole don't use the good stuff in my brain! It is TIME to use them or lose them! So everyday when I do my collage work in my memory journal I am going to use at least 1 sticker! Get it done! 

 

 

So today I have decided to do 15 minutes every day to put things away and organize the papers.  Throw out stuff I don't need and give away other stuff I may not need anymore as well. Today I organized my watercolors in one of my Ikea carts. Some wouldn't fit and are in my travel case and I had room on the bottom shelf to put brushes as well. 

I am in a Halloween class next month and I need to organize the paper for that to be in one place. So I can easily find it and use it when the time comes.

My hall has a couple of cabinet, I organized the top cabinet last month, but the bottom one has to be organized too, so I need to spend 10 minutes a day on putting the things in the bottom cabinet in the boxes and then label everything. Step it out. Then I won't be embarrassed when people come over. My art space is STILL in my living room, so I really want that space cleaned up. At least have the part of the living room for visiting not impacted by my supplies and such like it is right now...every things has spilled over. 

I want my two art tables to be cleaned up from the supplies so I can work the tables without being crowded.  If I can't put my books on the tables it is hard to work! Duh!  

The only area's I have been able to keep up with in the house is the Kitchen, bathrooms and our bedroom, including laundry. My house needs a deep cleaning. Once I get my art space in order, I plan on having a team from a cleaning service come in and do the heavy stuff for me. I vacuum and WGB mops the floors, I refuse to mop since that is how I hurt my back in 2004. I cannot do the floor or bathtub with out hurting myself so it needs a good looking after to.

We are still at 99 degrees today, and I feel like I am melting when I go out. I ended up going to the grocery store today, the highlight of that was seeing a friend there that I haven't seen in a couple of months. I miss her. It was a big haul today since its been too long and everything seemed to be needed to replenish. Can goods, fruit and veggies. Some meats for dinners.  And now I am peopled out...I hate being around that many people with chin guards instead of wearing them as masks, and those walking around like we are not in a pandemic with no mask at all. I am double masked, I wear my N95 and one over it since it has a valve.

I was SO over heated by the time I left I was sweating so bad under the masks. So many shelves still bare, I don't get it, they wouldn't even look for the creamer I needed in back. Many of the paper goods not available. It feels like it did in the beginning of the pandemic. And our cases keep going up. Poke me with a fork I am so done!

I wish we were in a big city some times so I could get delivery. I just don't want to be around people I don't know.

Blog along with Effy Wild

Blerg

I have been watching Disney plus all day...I didn't think I would enjoy Cruella, but I really did enjoy it. I will have to watch it again and then sketch through the movie. I love  doing that. Then I watched Loki...I want to re-watch it because I know I didn't catch everything! I found it interesting! But it hasn't been a good day.

I don't do well in the heat and it was 102 degrees again today! No relief! I want fall with crisp cool days and sweat shirts!

 

 

 

 

 

It's been a rough day...my boyfriend feels urpy...not good. He is not a good sick person. Bucket next to bed and I hope he doesn't get sick. I was SO sick for like 6 days where I couldn't eat, I thought it was food poisoning...it was bad...now I just hope it wasn't the flu and now he has it. Of course we both worry it is covid...but we have been isolating and social distant it is not covid. We just caught a bug.

Luckily I have some jello left, but if he is sick I will have to brave the store tomorrow for supplies and ginger ale. I don't do the grocery shopping, since I am compromised I don't want to be around a lot of people. 

Not feeling good really makes us remember to enjoy life when we do feel good that is for sure!

I am really getting sick of covid...not feeling comfortable to socialize, go shopping, do normal things like see my grand daughter and son. It has been a long couple of years. and I am tired of dealing with non-vaxers and anti-maskers. I want this shit to be over. I haven't seen my little since December and my son in January the last time when he had surgery and stayed with us for a few days. I am so sick of this...

I worry because she is in school, 1st grade this year, and I don't want her to get sick. I just wish they would home school her. I am tired of worry and anxiety for those I love. 

Tomorrow, I am going to get my camera and go out in the yard in the morning and take some photos to get out of my head and my house! I am feeling closed in!

I need to get out of my head...clean my art area. Pull out some Halloween and find some joy.

 

Blog along with Effy Wild

Memories of Family Game nights

Always as October approaches I miss my grandma Carmen more than usual. Today I was remembering when I was a kid, and my grandma was alive, the family would get together for dinners and game nights. Some times there was dancing and singing. But there would be gathering to play games. I miss that. The laughter...the sharing of every day life with aunts, uncles and cousins. A lot of weeks it would just be me, uncle Richard and grandma playing after dinner. Some of the games:

• Clue.
• Twister.
• Milestone.
• Mouse trap.
• Game of Life.
• Masterpiece.
• Trouble.
• Sorry.
• Monopoly.
• Yahtzee. (hours and hours of Yahtzee)
• Operation.
• Parcheesi.
• Battle Ship.
• Headache.
• Mystery Date.
• Cootie.
• Old Maid.
• Booby Trap.
• Dynamite Shack.
• Concentration.
• Hands down.
• High -Ho Cherry-O.

Of course hours and hours of card games too. We had a hall closet filled to the brim with games. On family dinner nights we would bring a game too...many fond memories. 

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250-acre fire sparks beneath Foresthill Bridge, prompts evacuation orders near Auburn

I think all of our nerves are on edge...this is down the hill from us, but I have a friend who lives and works in Foresthill and it is such a beautiful area...it is hard to see this happening. And since our fire I am just jumpy. All day long yesterday the air support was flying over our house, Grass Valley has an air strike team. It is good to hear but sad at the same time and makes me nervous. If it wasn't for the air strike teams we would be fucked here! They changed the way they tackle these fires now, thankfully they throw a lot of air support at them! 

Our Firefighters and Law enforcement are tired...this has been a brutal year! 3 fires are still going in our area. The Dixie fire, The Caldor fire and now the Bridge fire.  I just feel raw.

The wildfire, dubbed the Bridge Fire by Cal Fire’s Nevada-Yuba-Placer Unit, started just before 1 p.m. and grew to about 250 acres by 7 p.m.

Crews spent Sunday night lighting backfires in the area to help improve containment lines. Cal Fire on Monday said crews would work to strengthen those lines and also be on the lookout for spot fires in the American River Canyon drainage.

Wind-thrown embers on Sunday caused the fire to hop across roads and trails and forced people recreating in the area to evacuate, along with nearby residents. While the community of Foresthill was not under evacuation orders, the road closure cut the area off and law enforcement officers were continuing to escort residents who live there were being escorted to their homes.

The fire was 5% contained on Monday morning and no structures had been damaged or destroyed, according to Cal Fire.

One firefighter was injured. Details on the injury were not immediately available.

The cause of the fire is under investigation. -Sacramento Bee

The Forest Hill Bridge is 730 feet high...it is the 4th tallest bridge in the U.S. And I can tell you it makes me super nervous going over it! I personally hate driving it...and I close my eyes when I am a passenger.

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Self-love

Today is one of the coolest days we will have, by Weds it will be over 100 again! GROAN So I spent the day making turkey chili and 2 turkey meatloaves to freeze. I want to do a soup but I really don't have a lot of veggies to throw in the pot.

 

 

 

 

 

I have spent the day being lazy, put up the nominations for Random Acts of Mail for the week. Then spent time catching up with creating layouts in my Hobonichi planner/journal, posted them to instgram. Checked on the plants. 

 

 

 

 

 

Sat on the couch watching Discovery of Witches Season 1 and some of Season 2 while I messed around with Procreate and did some sketching in my sketch book. 

Just laidback and no pressure day. Only thing is I keep hearing the air support going over to Auburn for the Bridge Fire and I have to say it puts me on edge. 

Some times self-love shows up in cooking all day to get a jump on the week. In heat I hate to cook and I don't want the house heating up so when we get a break I try to jump on it. I didn't have anything else to make, we bought a huge pack of ground turkey and needed to cook it up.  I don't know what else will be added to the week, most likely salads and chicken. We may do a BBQ on the hottest day so we don't have to heat the house up.

Blog along with Effy Wild

WGB

Happy Birth Day to the Love of my Life. I call him WGB, Worlds Greatest Boyfriend, he has had the title for 21 years. 

I never knew love like this before! Some times he gets on my last nerve as I am sure I do for him. But 99.9% of the time we love each other unconditionally and that is an amazing love.

He adores me. And I had a lot of chatter in my brain when we first got together, that it was impossible that he loved me like that. But he has been consistent for 21 years of us being together and another 16 years before of being my good friend! I think that was key.  We were friends first.

When trauma responses showed up, he was patient and talked me down. Always telling me he has never given me reason to think he would treat me like that, and he never has. 

The hard part for me, was accepting his generosity. Letting him take care of me in ways he wanted to but leaving my independence intact. We don't want to be married. I did not like marriage, at least the 20 year marriage I had, left a bad taste in my soul. I like having an equal partner. We help each other mutually. We are there for each other. And our friendship is deep.

Life is better with a true friend by your side.

Soothing Gardens

"Don't employ a gallon of words to covey a teaspoon of thoughts."  A quote from a commonplace notebook

I know that I can be a deep diver and get intense with my discussions...so on a light note...

My garden is not doing well this Summer it is SO hot! Here are some pretty photos for your enjoyment.

We live in the trees, not a heavy forest, but the foothills of the Sierra Nevada. And one of the joys I have living here is watching the wild life. Up until last April we had hundreds of birds, we have 4 feeding stations and lots of  water stations. But in April we were asked not feed them while a group of birds migrated through because they were sick. We still have many birds but no longer in the hundreds, it took me about 3 years to build their trust.

We have bunnies that come through and eat the veggies. There are red fox that jump and pounce around. Coyotes that make their way through at night and drink at the fountain of the frog. We have raccoon families that bathe in the frog! Literally mama dunking the kids! And birds swimming in it!

This hungry little mama ate my Memorial Rose for Crackers down to a nub! But I can't get angry they are hungry and looking for food. So WGB used the railroad tie and my iron climbing walls to cut off the opening to my deck so she can't get back in to eat my flowers! 

The first photo she hears me saying "what are you doing on my deck girl?" and then she runs off! Such a brat! I didn't think she got to anything but then when I went outside I saw she munched my yellow rose! Brat! But the reason she is hungry is she has a baby...I am inserting the July video of the baby who kisses my durpy frog after taking a drink here.

Download 2021_07_15_fawn_drinking (1)

Keeping up with babies are hard to I am not begrudging her eating my rose bush!

 

 

 

 

 

I have about 6 new buds on the Yellow Rose bush now, so it is coming back nicely. It is a Julia Child's rose, and the yellow has been a true bright yellow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last month a friend of ours called us, her SIL was moving and could not take some of her plants, so we drove down and picked them up. The ferns...I LOVE ferns, but I didn't think I could grow them here because it is SO hot and cold. But I thought why not try! The heat has been challenging, and the first one in the photo was almost dead when we brought it home, I haven't wanted to cut the dead out yet until it felt a little better adjusting to my porch. Some time this next week I need to cut the dead out of it to give it room for the new growth coming in. The big one has had 2 frawns die back and 3 new ones come in since I have had it. The third one! Oh she is lush  but even in this spot when I was sick last week, the heat got to her a bit...because I couldn't go out and mist them. I usually mist them 2 times a day and they love it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The other plants that we were given, a sweet little pink rose, it finally has some blooms after a month. I am not sure what the 2nd plant is, but it is much happy now it went through a time where it pouted quite a bit. And we received 2 Christmas Cactus that will come in the house during Winter. But look how happy it it is! It has some more growth on it! They are adjusting well. 

 

 

 

 

My hydrangia is doing well this year, she is 3 years old now, but only had 2 blooms in May. I think it is from the heat. No one wants to bloom in this heat! But she is healthy and it makes me happy! Every so often I throw my coffee grounds on her to keep her acid up.

 

 

Our Monstera (swiss cheese) plant, we call Mom, because it was WGBs mom's plant when she was alive. Is LOVING where we live! She is super happy here and the frogs hang out in her. She has been so happy and making new leaves all the time. I really want to take a cutting a start a new plant from her, I am scared right now, so will do some research because I don't want to hurt her by doing that. But I really want a couple of new plants from her.  I think we will be successful because she is so happy here.

 

 

 

 

My Peace Lily plant that my the POA where I retired from sent me when my brother died, has another big shoot coming out of it. I have to repot that one and the one that is on the table next to it that I planted from it 2 months ago! Prolific! I have some Babies ready to replant now too...just have to get them in their own pots.

 

Here we go again!

Here we go again. Church and State is not being separated, stepping on other people's rights, religious bullies,  rhetoric for the sheep. Texas is disturbing.

Look it, you do not have the right to decide for other people HOW they will live their lives. It is not up to you! And I am really starting to be angry with how our Country is going. Am I passed having children, yes, but this is still very personal!

First off, at 17 years old I had my first baby, I had the options all laid out in front of me, and for ME, I wanted to keep him. I always say that having him saved my life. I made better decisions, looked after myself while pregnant, and had the best delivery I could do. I did lamaze and had him natural, I was a hippie mom, every thing natural. I got married when I was 18, I was on the pill and got pregnant (those were they days when you got sick and on  antibiotics would screw up the pill but we didn't know that), I was flabbergasted to find out I was pregnant again! We chose to keep her.

We were struggling. My ex was a year older, he wasn't making a lot of money, we struggled for everything. Every single day was drama and struggle. It was HARD. The wolf was always at the door, always.

I put my foot down. He was going to have a vasectomy. Why should "I" have a major surgery to prevent children when I had just gone through the worst birth ever with my second! 42 hrs of labour, she was feet first and I had her natural, 2 hours in I couldn't even talk and I had bruises down my back from holding on to the bed so tight, I almost died! I was a mess! AND clearly the pill did not work for me! I wasn't going to be pregnant again!

We went to the doctor together thankfully, to talk about him getting a vasectomy. The doctor said no! I raised my eye brow! What are you saying? He is too young the doctor said. He was 20 and I was 19. I said, we have 2 children! We are done! He was like no, I won't do it. Then the stupid reasoning. What happens if one of your children die and you can't have more children? Raised eye brow again. I am sorry but you CANNOT replace one child with another child! They are NOT the same child! That is stupid.

I said ok, then this is how it is going to go. I am going to hold YOU responsible for ALL the other children we have, and I expect YOU to send us money monthly to help feed all of the children that will come after we leave this office! I was on the pill and my children are 18 months apart! I expect in about 9 months there will be a third.

The doctor looked at me horrified. I wasn't kidding. I wasn't budging. I was 19 fucking overwhelmed and I was not leaving without an appointment for my ex husband. We got the appointment! He had a vasectomy!

I am fucking sick of people telling other people HOW to live their lives! They don't help those women when the babies are born! And if they do get State aid, they shame them for being on it! So shut the fuck up! I don't see compassion for those that have to deal with a child in incest or rape. I don't see the punishment for men that are JUST as responsible for making a baby. And then have your neighbors turn on you for money! This is the lowest of the low, especially to poor women who have limited choice as it is! Lets face it, women with money can leave the State and deal with the issue any where. Poor women cannot, you are boxing them in and putting them at more risk! And why should ANY woman be trapped because you don't like something!

If it is not YOUR choice, that is fine! You live with the choices YOU make! Do not force others to live by YOUR choices!  

Like Mr. Rodgers said, I am looking for the helpers!

Blogging with Effy Wild

 

Grief is getting hard

Facing our Demons. Be fearless your nerves will thank you.

Every so often when the world becomes so triggering, I remind myself to have a tea party across from the old Demons that can pop up. Look them in the face, recognize where they are truly coming from, we all have a past with tendrils that can try to over take our great one and only life, like Mary Oliver reminds us, our life is in the tiny details of a plant that we notice on a walk. We have to do maintenance and trim those tendrils back to see and let the light come in during the day!

Oh 90% of the time I can handle when memories are triggered, hard times, sad times, life changing moments...but then other times it becomes painfully clear that our brains can put us right back in the moment of when things went so wrong, even down to the smells of that day, the lightening, the agony.

I fight to be open. I fight to be vulnerable. I fight to never keep things secret, because I believe that secrets keep us sick. And like Maya Angelou said "when you know better you do better". We all come into information at different times and ways, it makes us all unique. 

One of the things I find as a trauma response is not being able to fully feel some times. It takes awhile for me to process all the feels. And that is annoying because I want to address it, feel it, and fucking move on from it. But that isn't how it works.

We had a wildfire coming straight at us on August 4th, it was terrifying...and in order to feel in control we packed what we could and put it all in the truck. My journals are still packed, I can't seem to feel comfortable enough to put it all away. These were taken from the window where I art in my livingroom.

I still have not processed all of the feels and panic I had with this incident. And it became a little more muddled the day after. We have no control over how our feelings will avalanche on us and trigger old wounds we thought we lanced and cleaned out.

I have talked about this before, but I was abandoned at birth and my grandma Carmen and Uncle Richard who was 16 when I was born raised me until my bio mother literally pulled me from them. I felt another deep abandonment and thought my uncle no longer wanted me because he was starting a new life being recently married. I never knew he had spoken to lawyers and wanted to fight for me, but thought he was doing the best for me by letting her take me.

Oh how hind sight is 2020. But that little kid with the gaping wound showed up when he called me to make sure I was alright with the fire happening. Weird right? He is calling in concern and my body goes to abandonment and loss. He is in his 70s now and doesn't remember some things we talked about, but it brought me back to that little kid. Weird since here I sit a grown ass adult who turned 60 last month! But those triggers are that...and you cannot control them.

So for me, I have invited the demons to the table to have tea and talk over old wounds and tell them, "Look you can whisper all you want that he doesn't love me, or care about me, but it is bullshit. He called me the minute he found out that I was in the path of the fire! so shut the fuck up, you hear me past demon?! I am serious. That wound has been acknowledged and clean out once again. You have no hold here to make me feel like shit anymore! I am glad you had tea with me, but you need to go now and leave me in the truth of love."

Blog along with Effy Wild.

We've seen days like this.

Any motivation to write is a good thing.

 

 

When I interviewed Maya Angelou, she told me to write this sentence in my notepad and to never forget it: 

"Every storm runs out of rain."

I still think of that line to this day.  Alex Banayan

I am trying to keep my eye on that line. That this terrible experience we are all in will run out of power and stop, eventually. The pandemic, Delta Variant, Covid deniers, Mask resisters, Science haters, California Wildfires, Hurricane Ida, New Jersey and New York flooding, Greenland losing the ice, Global warming deniers,  the attempt to recall our Gov. and costing the tax payers of California Millions of dollars, Good people doing nothing, Afghanistan, Rep. McCarthy threatens tech and telecom firms that comply with the January 6th insurrection committee's request,  and Texas...

I sure hope that the storm runs out of rain soon.

 

 

 

I know I have a really hard job, to stay better and not bitter. It is up to us to keep voting. Keep educating ourselves. Keep speaking out. Keep being kind. Keep our humanity. Keep creating art. Keep being thought provoking with our art. Keep standing up for people who cannot stand up for themselves alone. Keep believing in the separation of Church and State. Keep believing in our Constitution. Be willing to learn and grow.  What a time we are living in. 

The one good thing I noticed today, my point of joy was the blue sky out my art desk window. I haven't seen a blue sky in weeks due to the Wildfires. My soul felt a burst of hope while I looked out my window today.

 

Wisdom

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough, and we'll be more content when they are.

After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our partner gets his or her act together when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice holiday, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

A quote comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said,

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until winter, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink.... there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.

Copyright © 1997 Crystal Boyd

Artwork: Sarah Treanor 

I am so grateful that I was finally brave enough in 2000, to completely change my life. I stopped being afraid of being "happy" and I jumped in with both feet. I have no regrets! I spent way too many years unhappy and trying hard to change what simply was. I accepted the fact I could ONLY change myself, and I did! I have a man who loves me so deeply, it still scares the shit out of me, and I love him with everything that is in my being! We make each other better, stronger, and unconditional.

We finished our years working and retired together. We changed our lives again by going on a 5 month road trip to see the U.S. And found we really only wanted to live in California, and moved to the foothills of Sierra Nevada Mountains...we bought our first house. We say to each other every day "WE get to live here!" We make improvements when we can, and make it feel like our own. Little things add up, after all, it is the small things in life that bring such joy.

 

Paper panic

I was so happy to read the Well Appointed Desk blog post on the latest Tomoe River Paper: Tomoe River Paper

Of course I panic bought some journals that I can use if Hobonichi doesn't use Tomoe River Paper next year in their planners.

Back for more...

I wasn't ready for the 2 hour drive but we did it again, drove back to the pottery place, our mini meyer lemon tree and orange tree need to be repotted and fertilized. So we decided to get two more pots.

We were able to get the pots, hard decision on color, we went with Red to match our house Trim.  They are beautiful pots, but they didn't have the right color for the pans that go under them, the pottery place is low on all of their items (you couldn't tell that) but they have been waiting for several containers of the pots and the water catchers for months, she thinks she will have them in some time in July. For now we have plastic ones we can use. 

Our tree's are looking a little stressed, they need to be fed and replanted. I think they get too hot on the deck with full Summer sun, so we need to put them under the eves or on the side of the house where they can get some shade in the afternoon. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I kept dreaming of the Durpy Zen Frog and ended up buying him! I LURVE him! He is quite big and heavy...for now just near the roses. 

Maintenance

We finally planted the Memorial Rose in the pretty pot...I told WGB it is our Swedish Rose! Blue and Yellow! 

Repotted these as well.

 

 

Garden time

We have a really nice home and I am grateful for it, and a little at a time we try to improve it. We have been updating our garden. I bought a yellow rose in memoriam for Crackers, and it starts out super yellow and then gets pale. We wanted to get a pot like we had for our orange rose, and nothing was affordable near us. 

We drove to Vacaville to the pottery place we saw off of Highway 80 some time ago, and it is huge and filled with pots and garden art! 

 

 

 

 

 

We couldn't find one that matched that other rose we have but we got one that was dark blue with some green. They also had a metal flower that I really liked so we bought that too! Some times you just need a little adventure...we had spent most of 2020 in lockdown and although it feels weird to be out...we are starting to again.

Shifts

Since being in this pandemic over a year...I feel like this!

It has been a tough year, and my word for 2021 is "Re-Engage" because I am having a really hard time being around people. It is a VERB which means you have to DO IT. Starting is hard. But there are a few things I am looking forward to.

I have to start inviting people to do things again, it is easier with my friends being vaccinated now, so feeling hopeful about that. Small steps but starting to do it.

Today we ventured down the hill to get WGB his second vaccination, we went to Trader Joes, and SO MANY PEOPLE, thankfully all wearing masks! But SO many cars every where! I could not live in a big city again...and like I said being home so much it was difficult being around so many people!

Solar

We had a rep come out from a solar company to discuss our needs for this house. Recommendations were where WGB thought they should be. I like the fact that they are a worker-owned cooperative and do living wages, it may be a little more expensive but it aligns with our beliefs.

Also, April is Earth Month and the Company recently became the first certified B Corporation in our County. Certified B Corporations are businesses that meet the highest standards of verified social and environmental performance, public transparency, and legal accountability to balance profit and purpose. B Corps are accelerating a global culture shift to redefine success in business and build a more inclusive, equitable and sustainable economy.

The next step is to have the engineer come out to do an inspection and then we are placed on the waiting list for the work to be done. 

I am getting really excited about this!

Rut Ro

Time to start saving...they found the issues with my AC in the car and it is not good, in fact, I am disappointed in my old mechanic that replaced all these things that need to be replaced AGAIN in less than 5 years...

I am looking at another $1,800.00 to get it all right. So I asked them to fill it with the cold stuff again and button her up until I can get it all replaced. So most likely by the end of Summer this will be done...I was shocked when they told me what it was, because I had all that done 4 years ago!!! And this is the 3rd year it won't hold cold, which tells me my old mechanic did not do a great job! VERY disappointed. 

Caught it in Spring!

Well in February, I did a major maintenance on my car, it is a 2000 Monte Carlo, and only has 55,000 miles on it. So it is so worth making sure it is running right. We even put new tires on her and she runs smoothly. 

Friday we noticed that the AC went out AGAIN. This is the 3rd time...usually every Summer it dies on me. It must be a leak some where. I wasn't expecting to take it back into the dealer so soon, but I would rather address the issue before it gets hot! So today she is back at the dealer to figure out my AC. YAY before Summer heat this time! I really hope they can find the leak and stop it, at the very least they will put it all to right again and not have to worry this Summer!

Gardening, Journaling, Looking at the Sky

WGB fixed the misters over the veggies, and they are working beautifully now. I have to keep an eye on the flowers and herbs, I don't over water, but every day they seem to be dry. We have no humidity here. AND my orange vines are getting more buds and leaves!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was SO excited to see a lot of rose buds on my new yellow rose!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The other day, WGB removed a plant next to a blooming one that I thought was connected, it wasn't and now it has like 40 buds on it! CRAZY amazing! That other plant was not making it happy! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am enjoying this early Spring. My Myer lemon tree has about 10 lemons on it! The orange tree has 1 orange! Strawberry plants have buds on them! Seems like it is a good year for my garden.    

 

 

 

 

I spent most of the morning journaling, in the Hobonichi, fixing the weekly and todays spread. I updated my Hobonichi Weeks for next week and filled in the last couple of days.

Drawing out mushrooms, just have not water colored yet for the 100 day project. I am loving my 2x3 little journal I am doing the mushroom studies in. I am really enjoying this year, less pressure and just doing it for fun. 

I spent some time on my porch losing myself in the beautiful sky. I really need a rocking chair on the porch to sit and stare out! It's a goal. Later around 5 pm the darn bugs starting coming out and they always annoy me! 

Distractions and Books

The Pandemic Year will be one of remembering playing Animal Crossing obsessively. I was late to the game last year, I bought it in May and missed the Bunny Day event! Apparently it gave players PTSD so Nintendo took it from 2 weeks of eggs in trees, fish, in the ground and falling from the sky, to about 7 days. So I have been having fun making things from all the eggs and not feeling over whelmed by it. And suddenly today there are pink tree's everywhere! Spring has sprung!  That bunny is creepy! It has a zipper in its back and it's name IS Zipper!

 

 

 

Also, during the Pandemic year, I have been doing many online classes. Today I spent some time working on making a new journal for a class by ByBun. I started to follow her on Patreon, and decided on some classes. But I wanted to make my own journal. Starting to feel like I can be creative again. I need to be more creative. I journal all the time, but I need to get back to making more paintings and collage, and altered books. That is my happy place. 

An artist that inspires me is Busy Mockingbird, I love her illustrations and art. This year she has released 2 books that are from her journals, and the minute she said they were in her shop I scooped them up! AND then 2 other books came up in her shop. I love looking at them and getting so inspired,  my style is not hers, but man do I love it! 

2000

Today is my dad's birthday, and it is hard to believe he just turned 80. I asked him if he felt like he was 80 and he laughed and said he thought he was 40 in his head! I can relate! I don't feel my age either!  

I wish he was in better health. He doesn't take care of himself and he lives alone in another State. My brother does check up on him and see's him. He took him for a pedicure for his birthday a few days ago. I just wish I could make the situation better for him.

We spent most of the conversation talking about gardening. I told him what we have been doing at our house, and his dream is to get a porch the length of his house and to have it screened in, so he can sit outside. And have a container garden as well. I think that would be so good for him. Maybe he won't just dream it, maybe he will do it!

Feels like Summer

Today WGB got his first Vaccination! We got up super early and drove the hour to go down to Roseville to get his vaccination. We are both half way there! AND great news, they are saying Pfiser is holding up past 6 months so this is good news! 

 

 

We stopped at a pottery place, and man they are expensive for pots! I still have not found a pot for my new rose...gonna be awhile if it is all going to be out of my price range! But I loved these fountains! I would love just one in my yard! The rocks were beautiful up close on it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We stopped at Green Acre's and bought 2 more wood boxes for the vegetables to be planted in. My lettuce is going to be happy!  I bought a couple of more flowers for the butterflies and humming birds! We have the veggies in the spot where we get most of our sun all day long. This is the little structure WGB put up for me, and it has fencing around it to hopefully keep the critters out! He has misters put up for watering. I also asked him to move my composter over there as well since it gets full sun. This last year, it got too wet and the compost has been hard as rock! So with the sun it should help get this to be as good as it was last year! We also put some worms in it! Hoping that helps as well! 

It was 80 degree's in Auburn and about 77 degree's at home. 

 

 

 

 

 

I added some more flowers for the butterflies and humming birds! And our strawberry plants are on their 3rd year! It is nice having the bulbs getting ready to bloom, one of my 2nd year tulips have bloomed. And the Buddha Frog looks awesome on my deck!

Watercolor addiction

Today my watercolors from Lost Girl and Cate and Regan came today. I have no off button with these watercolors.

Art Supply Storage

I have been putting off getting the washi tape all put together in the makeup drawers...I have so many tapes! I want to make sure to put the ones I want to use all the time in the drawers for easy access. I needed to put all my Meatball washi together. I love the number ones, but some of the others are so darn cute!

And I think I am going to give away some of the washi...send out some happy mail to journaler's so it can be used instead of sitting waiting to be used. I think my next store run will include little packages to send them off! It is a win win, I get to destash some of my supplies and some one gets to enjoy new washi! I am tired of hoarding art supplies! I just want to use them! Enjoy them! Or pass them on!

Fauci's Ouchie

So I was really nervous when I woke up this morning, knowing I was going to get the vaccination today. I thought it was going to be the Moderna vaccine, but when I got into the process I learned it was the Pfizer vaccine. “Pfizer’s is 95% effective, while Moderna’s is 94.1% effective. And I go back to get the second vaccination in 3 weeks vs. 4 weeks. 

I have to say my health group had it dialed in. The hardest part was driving the hour to get there. You stood 6 feet apart outside, in a group of about 50, then you were let into the huge office space, check in, stand in line 6 feet apart again until you get to the person who gives you the vaccine. You sit and verify your information, and receive the vaccine.

Then you go to an area set up with chairs where you sit 15-30 minutes afterwards. I had to sit for 30 minutes because of my usual reactions to medications. I sat there and did some urban sketching to pass the time. I had NO pain in my arm at all! When No. 15 vaccinated me I didn't even know she did it! AND I didn't even feel her put on a bandaid!!! 

We had to do some shopping and as I sat in truck, about an hour into it, my throat started to swell, I had an issue swallowing...but I tried not to panic! At about the 2 hour mark it was all gone and I was back to normal. 

We ordered take out at PF Chang's to take it home for Lunch/Dinner and saw Barnes and Noble!!! So I was able to run in, pick out magazines and get a coffee from Starbucks! Then drove home. I was tired but grateful that I was able to get my first shot today.

Moving forward

WGB got on me about finding an appointment for the vaccination. I have been looking on the California website, and he directed me to our health insurance website, and it had to be on the app on the phone (which I didn't want to put on my phone), and it took about an hour and I got an appointment!!!!

My appointment is for 1:10 pm TOMORROW!!! But we have to go to Roseville, CA to get it. Which is fine...so we will leave early since I don't know how the traffic will be. It's about an hour away from us...but while we are there I am sure we will go some where to pick up a good lunch/dinner!

Luckily I have really been drinking a lot of water today, the research I have been doing tells you to be super hydrated and to take tylenol when you get the shot. 

I am nervous about side effects. I always react so poorly to things...but I do the normal yearly flu shots ok, but it still makes me nervous. I am allergic to everything.

So I am scared to get the shot but more scared NOT to get the shot! sigh

Hopeful

I haven't been out of the house in a really long time. So we drove down the hill, and went to Eisley's Garden Center, only to find out they were bought out from Green Acres. They did a ton of clean up and expansions on the property. 

I bought Strawberry mint, Chocolate mint, Lemon Verbina, Oregano Italian to start off my herb garden, 1 yellow squash, 6 lettuce, 6 corn to start off our veggies. 

I found a beautiful hanging Fushia, I am going to try to see if it will grow at our house...it may be too hot and I may have to hang it closer to the house under the patio and not have it in the sun on the outside of the patio. 

Memorial for Crackers

I also found a Yellow Rose, the Julia Child Rose, to be the memorial rose for Crackers. I really wanted a Yellow Rose to remember her little yellow head. This is supposed to be fragrant so I hope it will be.

If it is not fragrant enough I will look for another rose. But it is no where near blooming. It is not just a root ball though. 

I also think this will be a beautiful addition to the Orange Rose I have had the last 20 years. That is the Lucy Memorial Rose that I have. 

What was hard about today, was I am SO not used to being in traffic around all the people, and being out in stores and such with so many people! I am not used to people anymore and I am still nervous about Covid-19 since I am immune compromised. Still mask up, keep my distance and wash my hands a lot, or use the hand sanitizer. I was like a feral cat avoiding every one! 

I will have to say though, it boosted my spirits SO much being around so many plants, life bursting all around me, it was glorious! I do need to find a nice big ceramic pot for the new Rose and some other ceramic pots for other plants at home. We are going to go to another pottery place though, because what I wanted was over $100 and it is too pricy!  I want a pretty pot for the rose for sure. 

I also found a really cool Frog Buddha and it was reasonable so I got it! It looks awesome!

Today just really lifted my spirits.

Movie Night

Just wanted a chill night.

Found Invisible City on Netflix

An underground world is inhabited by mythical creatures evolved from a deep lineage of Brazilian folklore. One detective who finds himself caught in a murder investigation that puts him in the middle of a battle between these two worlds.

 

Then I found Seventh Son, I guess I was asleep in 2014 because I didn't know this movie was out! I loved the books! And I loved the movie! It got a rating of 1/2 star on Rotten Tomatos, but maybe because I read the books I actually loved it. But of course it didn't FOLLOW the books.  Or I have low standards, but what the hell, I enjoyed it anyway! Too bad they didn't make more movies out of the series!

Seventh Son is a 2014 American fantasy film directed by Sergei Bodrov and starring Ben Barnes, Jeff Bridges, Alicia Vikander, and Julianne Moore. It is loosely based on the 2004 novel The Spook's Apprentice (titled The Last Apprentice: Revenge of the Witch in the United States) by Joseph Delaney.

 

It was nice to get out of reality tonight and just enjoy the evening with these as I did some drawing. 

 

St Patrick's Day - a very very bizarre celebration indeed.

A British and Roman priest who attempted to annihilate the Druids, conducted exorcisms to banish the great Irish faery deity Aine, who told lies about the faery, who claimed he threw Pagan women who would not convert into the ocean and they became mermaids, who "drove out the snakes" (the Pagan ways) and attempted to turn the great bright god Lugh into Lugh-chromain (Little stooping Lugh) which would become "lephrecaun".

 

I adore the Irish. I revere Ireland. I have that old blood singing within my veins. But this day is a day to celebrate the survival of the Old Ways despite what this "Saint" represented and the cruel action he took.

 

Today, I wear the green, for the fae, for the Old Ways, for the shining ones and the deep love of the land. Blessings to you all my friends. A blessing on the survival of the old ways, and of the Truth emerging from the distortions of history. )O( with thanks to the brilliant Min Saxe for the use of her meme!

 

Written by Lucy Cavendish 2018 - seen on Facebook

Final Ritual of Death

We were able to pick up Crackers tonight before the vet closed.

I need to find a local place to get a plaque engraved for her box.

Last of the excruciatingly painful steps of the rituals of death and grief.

 

Grieving hard

I am quiet because I am having a really hard time....

We miss our girl. This is the first time we are real Empty Nesters. The house is too quiet. I was owned by that sweet girl for 36 years, in March she would have been 37. She was like one of my kids. But also heartbreaking is the bond that WGB and Crackers had. She loved him so much! True story, the first year we were living together and he went to Montana to visit his family, he had to talk to her EVERY DAY or she would not eat! Same with my oldest cat at the time, they refused to eat until he talked to them.

Good Bye Sweet Girl

We are devastated.

Cracker's died this morning at 10:00 am.

March 1984 -December 19, 2020

Lettering Art

Well, Diana, from Discovery of Witches didn't need fancy technology to find one! Giggle

Seriously this is pretty cool!

Ruin beauty

The photos of this submerged city just moves me...do you ever feel ghosts trying to talk to you, sad this is covered by a dam.

It just seems to have some stories that should be told.  I was struck by it's beauty.

On-line Art Conference

The 3rd Annual Wizarding Artist Society Conference was Thursday, October 1 through Saturday October 3. Each day there was a 3 hour live zoom class. Some of the exercises were easier than others. It is designed not to finish all the work during the 3 days, but that inner perfectionist is annoyed I couldn't complete it... Here are some of the drawings...from Saturday, I haven't taken photos of all of them. I also want to finish them more. I had a real problem with one drawing just because I am dyslexic...so I will try it again.  

I have been doing Tangie's lessons for years! And always have fun! If you are interested:

https://journalingthemagic.com/

These made me so happy! You can tell they are a time spinner! What I love about Tangie is she gets us to play, and she had us using pen to draw these...no pencil first except the hour glass. So there is wonkiness but I love it!

And the Dapple Grey Mare on the candy is my Patronus. These are still in progress but a lot of fun! We HAD to have chocolate because of the Dementors we were drawing!

The technique for the Dementors is something I REALLY need to practice, but I am loving the journey!

 

 

 

 

 

 

T.I.M.E. and other concerns of the day

This Summer has been rough...I read an email from ToniandKim.com today and this was near the end of it, and I thought it was thought provoking and needed today.

As humans, we are all a work in progress. Life right now is extremely complicated. There is no manual for it.

1. Examine your daily life right now. What brings you joy? How can you add a little bit more of that feeling into your day?
2. What is one thing that you can remove from your day that will make it even just 1% more enjoyable? (For me, it was Facebook!)
3. Put your hand on your heart and close your eyes. Breathe in and out, slowly, 5 times. Ask your heart: What part of you needs tenderness right now? What exactly does it need? What is one thing you can do to nurture it?

1. Ah, what brings me joy? That would be my partner! He is amazing and loving, and adores me. And looking out my window to see all the wild life at our home. And what brings me joy is feeding the birds. We both make sure that there is enough water for the foxes, rabbits, wild turkey's and deer that come through our yard every day. That brings us both such joy.

2. What is the one thing I can remove from my day? Several. Remove the Doom-scrolling, not listen to the news every single day, and minimize time on Facebook, literally shut the window of Facebook down so I don't get any notifications. 

3. What needs tenderness?  I need to exercise, and my choice of exercise is usually walking, in Covid isolation I stopped walking, and a month ago when all the wildfire smoke invaded our ridge, I stopped walking...so now I seriously have to fix this part of my life. Movement. 

I was listening to Jay Shetty today on Amanpour and Company, how to cultivate a monk mindset. How he was speaking today was simple, using the word TIME to remember what you need to do every day.

Thankfulness:  Not just journal about it, but follow through and tell someone that you are grateful for them in your life. Express it to a person. Share that thankfulness.

Inspiration/Insight:  Read something that you are learning from, or that favorite quote out of a book. For me recently it has been Mary Oliver poems, and Rumi.

Meditation:  Be present in the body and mind. Communicate with your body and mind at the same time, centering yourself.

Exercise:  Sex, Yoga, Dance, Tai Chi, Walk...bedrock of the practice is movement.

(Today I walked more than I have in weeks, so I am starting the journey again)

Practice my breathe. Breathe is with us from the moment we are born until the second we die. Breathe and our emotions are interconnected. When we have something good happen to us it takes our breathe away. When something bad is happening we stop breathing for a moment. Connect to your body and breathe, hand to heart and breathe in for 5 seconds.

Then Jay said to ask yourself every day, "Have I made Time?" 

So simple, right? Then you would think more of us would be doing this. Today I am starting my simple practice. I think this sounds profound and life opening. I think it will help me not to be so judge-y in my life and focus on the things that expand my life. In this anxiety ridden political climate smack dab in the middle of Covid isolation, civil unrest, and the passing of RBG is too much. I have to stop doom-scrolling...I have to let it flow through me like water and not let it all stick to me. I catch myself breathing shallow or holding my breathe. I need to work on this.

The beautiful Sphynx cat that we found on our property yesterday, update. We got up, and brought the cage into the kitchen, fed her again, talked to her, played with her. At 10:30 we went to our appointment at Mother Lode to see if she had a chip. No chip. I was getting worried...we were going to take her to Sammies no kill shelter 5 minutes but the owner saw our flyer and called WGB!!! The family two doors down from us, SO happy he contacted us!! And his little girl was happy to have Mousey back! So stinkin cute! I tried not to be judge-y when he told us they let her outside every day, since she could be a nice snack for those big turkey vultures or the coyotes, foxes and big cats we have around. I hope this scared them enough to keep her inside. Mousey is a sweet, sweet soul.

 

 

 

 

 

And the bad air quality came back today. I was SO joyful yesterday with blue skies nad no smoke smell. I feel a little more sad today, I cannot take days of the gloom again! But the injured Jay bird is still getting stronger, she lays down funny on my deck though. But she is so pretty. I have fallen in love with her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finally took photos of my recent Hobonichi pages before I journal in them:

Finally change

THIS was so needed! We had not seen a blue or clear sky since August 17th! This was late in the afternoon, and I am hoping that tomorrow when we wake up it will remain blue skies. We SO needed a change!