The Gypsy on Adventure

Shifts

Since being in this pandemic over a year...I feel like this!

It has been a tough year, and my word for 2021 is "Re-Engage" because I am having a really hard time being around people. It is a VERB which means you have to DO IT. Starting is hard. But there are a few things I am looking forward to.

I have to start inviting people to do things again, it is easier with my friends being vaccinated now, so feeling hopeful about that. Small steps but starting to do it.

Today we ventured down the hill to get WGB his second vaccination, we went to Trader Joes, and SO MANY PEOPLE, thankfully all wearing masks! But SO many cars every where! I could not live in a big city again...and like I said being home so much it was difficult being around so many people!

Solar

We had a rep come out from a solar company to discuss our needs for this house. Recommendations were where WGB thought they should be. I like the fact that they are a worker-owned cooperative and do living wages, it may be a little more expensive but it aligns with our beliefs.

Also, April is Earth Month and the Company recently became the first certified B Corporation in our County. Certified B Corporations are businesses that meet the highest standards of verified social and environmental performance, public transparency, and legal accountability to balance profit and purpose. B Corps are accelerating a global culture shift to redefine success in business and build a more inclusive, equitable and sustainable economy.

The next step is to have the engineer come out to do an inspection and then we are placed on the waiting list for the work to be done. 

I am getting really excited about this!

Rut Ro

Time to start saving...they found the issues with my AC in the car and it is not good, in fact, I am disappointed in my old mechanic that replaced all these things that need to be replaced AGAIN in less than 5 years...

I am looking at another $1,800.00 to get it all right. So I asked them to fill it with the cold stuff again and button her up until I can get it all replaced. So most likely by the end of Summer this will be done...I was shocked when they told me what it was, because I had all that done 4 years ago!!! And this is the 3rd year it won't hold cold, which tells me my old mechanic did not do a great job! VERY disappointed. 

Caught it in Spring!

Well in February, I did a major maintenance on my car, it is a 2000 Monte Carlo, and only has 55,000 miles on it. So it is so worth making sure it is running right. We even put new tires on her and she runs smoothly. 

Friday we noticed that the AC went out AGAIN. This is the 3rd time...usually every Summer it dies on me. It must be a leak some where. I wasn't expecting to take it back into the dealer so soon, but I would rather address the issue before it gets hot! So today she is back at the dealer to figure out my AC. YAY before Summer heat this time! I really hope they can find the leak and stop it, at the very least they will put it all to right again and not have to worry this Summer!

Gardening, Journaling, Looking at the Sky

WGB fixed the misters over the veggies, and they are working beautifully now. I have to keep an eye on the flowers and herbs, I don't over water, but every day they seem to be dry. We have no humidity here. AND my orange vines are getting more buds and leaves!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was SO excited to see a lot of rose buds on my new yellow rose!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The other day, WGB removed a plant next to a blooming one that I thought was connected, it wasn't and now it has like 40 buds on it! CRAZY amazing! That other plant was not making it happy! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am enjoying this early Spring. My Myer lemon tree has about 10 lemons on it! The orange tree has 1 orange! Strawberry plants have buds on them! Seems like it is a good year for my garden.    

 

 

 

 

I spent most of the morning journaling, in the Hobonichi, fixing the weekly and todays spread. I updated my Hobonichi Weeks for next week and filled in the last couple of days.

Drawing out mushrooms, just have not water colored yet for the 100 day project. I am loving my 2x3 little journal I am doing the mushroom studies in. I am really enjoying this year, less pressure and just doing it for fun. 

I spent some time on my porch losing myself in the beautiful sky. I really need a rocking chair on the porch to sit and stare out! It's a goal. Later around 5 pm the darn bugs starting coming out and they always annoy me! 

Distractions and Books

The Pandemic Year will be one of remembering playing Animal Crossing obsessively. I was late to the game last year, I bought it in May and missed the Bunny Day event! Apparently it gave players PTSD so Nintendo took it from 2 weeks of eggs in trees, fish, in the ground and falling from the sky, to about 7 days. So I have been having fun making things from all the eggs and not feeling over whelmed by it. And suddenly today there are pink tree's everywhere! Spring has sprung!  That bunny is creepy! It has a zipper in its back and it's name IS Zipper!

 

 

 

Also, during the Pandemic year, I have been doing many online classes. Today I spent some time working on making a new journal for a class by ByBun. I started to follow her on Patreon, and decided on some classes. But I wanted to make my own journal. Starting to feel like I can be creative again. I need to be more creative. I journal all the time, but I need to get back to making more paintings and collage, and altered books. That is my happy place. 

An artist that inspires me is Busy Mockingbird, I love her illustrations and art. This year she has released 2 books that are from her journals, and the minute she said they were in her shop I scooped them up! AND then 2 other books came up in her shop. I love looking at them and getting so inspired,  my style is not hers, but man do I love it! 

2000

Today is my dad's birthday, and it is hard to believe he just turned 80. I asked him if he felt like he was 80 and he laughed and said he thought he was 40 in his head! I can relate! I don't feel my age either!  

I wish he was in better health. He doesn't take care of himself and he lives alone in another State. My brother does check up on him and see's him. He took him for a pedicure for his birthday a few days ago. I just wish I could make the situation better for him.

We spent most of the conversation talking about gardening. I told him what we have been doing at our house, and his dream is to get a porch the length of his house and to have it screened in, so he can sit outside. And have a container garden as well. I think that would be so good for him. Maybe he won't just dream it, maybe he will do it!

Feels like Summer

Today WGB got his first Vaccination! We got up super early and drove the hour to go down to Roseville to get his vaccination. We are both half way there! AND great news, they are saying Pfiser is holding up past 6 months so this is good news! 

 

 

We stopped at a pottery place, and man they are expensive for pots! I still have not found a pot for my new rose...gonna be awhile if it is all going to be out of my price range! But I loved these fountains! I would love just one in my yard! The rocks were beautiful up close on it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We stopped at Green Acre's and bought 2 more wood boxes for the vegetables to be planted in. My lettuce is going to be happy!  I bought a couple of more flowers for the butterflies and humming birds! We have the veggies in the spot where we get most of our sun all day long. This is the little structure WGB put up for me, and it has fencing around it to hopefully keep the critters out! He has misters put up for watering. I also asked him to move my composter over there as well since it gets full sun. This last year, it got too wet and the compost has been hard as rock! So with the sun it should help get this to be as good as it was last year! We also put some worms in it! Hoping that helps as well! 

It was 80 degree's in Auburn and about 77 degree's at home. 

 

 

 

 

 

I added some more flowers for the butterflies and humming birds! And our strawberry plants are on their 3rd year! It is nice having the bulbs getting ready to bloom, one of my 2nd year tulips have bloomed. And the Buddha Frog looks awesome on my deck!

Watercolor addiction

Today my watercolors from Lost Girl and Cate and Regan came today. I have no off button with these watercolors.

Art Supply Storage

I have been putting off getting the washi tape all put together in the makeup drawers...I have so many tapes! I want to make sure to put the ones I want to use all the time in the drawers for easy access. I needed to put all my Meatball washi together. I love the number ones, but some of the others are so darn cute!

And I think I am going to give away some of the washi...send out some happy mail to journaler's so it can be used instead of sitting waiting to be used. I think my next store run will include little packages to send them off! It is a win win, I get to destash some of my supplies and some one gets to enjoy new washi! I am tired of hoarding art supplies! I just want to use them! Enjoy them! Or pass them on!

Fauci's Ouchie

So I was really nervous when I woke up this morning, knowing I was going to get the vaccination today. I thought it was going to be the Moderna vaccine, but when I got into the process I learned it was the Pfizer vaccine. “Pfizer’s is 95% effective, while Moderna’s is 94.1% effective. And I go back to get the second vaccination in 3 weeks vs. 4 weeks. 

I have to say my health group had it dialed in. The hardest part was driving the hour to get there. You stood 6 feet apart outside, in a group of about 50, then you were let into the huge office space, check in, stand in line 6 feet apart again until you get to the person who gives you the vaccine. You sit and verify your information, and receive the vaccine.

Then you go to an area set up with chairs where you sit 15-30 minutes afterwards. I had to sit for 30 minutes because of my usual reactions to medications. I sat there and did some urban sketching to pass the time. I had NO pain in my arm at all! When No. 15 vaccinated me I didn't even know she did it! AND I didn't even feel her put on a bandaid!!! 

We had to do some shopping and as I sat in truck, about an hour into it, my throat started to swell, I had an issue swallowing...but I tried not to panic! At about the 2 hour mark it was all gone and I was back to normal. 

We ordered take out at PF Chang's to take it home for Lunch/Dinner and saw Barnes and Noble!!! So I was able to run in, pick out magazines and get a coffee from Starbucks! Then drove home. I was tired but grateful that I was able to get my first shot today.

Moving forward

WGB got on me about finding an appointment for the vaccination. I have been looking on the California website, and he directed me to our health insurance website, and it had to be on the app on the phone (which I didn't want to put on my phone), and it took about an hour and I got an appointment!!!!

My appointment is for 1:10 pm TOMORROW!!! But we have to go to Roseville, CA to get it. Which is fine...so we will leave early since I don't know how the traffic will be. It's about an hour away from us...but while we are there I am sure we will go some where to pick up a good lunch/dinner!

Luckily I have really been drinking a lot of water today, the research I have been doing tells you to be super hydrated and to take tylenol when you get the shot. 

I am nervous about side effects. I always react so poorly to things...but I do the normal yearly flu shots ok, but it still makes me nervous. I am allergic to everything.

So I am scared to get the shot but more scared NOT to get the shot! sigh

Hopeful

I haven't been out of the house in a really long time. So we drove down the hill, and went to Eisley's Garden Center, only to find out they were bought out from Green Acres. They did a ton of clean up and expansions on the property. 

I bought Strawberry mint, Chocolate mint, Lemon Verbina, Oregano Italian to start off my herb garden, 1 yellow squash, 6 lettuce, 6 corn to start off our veggies. 

I found a beautiful hanging Fushia, I am going to try to see if it will grow at our house...it may be too hot and I may have to hang it closer to the house under the patio and not have it in the sun on the outside of the patio. 

Memorial for Crackers

I also found a Yellow Rose, the Julia Child Rose, to be the memorial rose for Crackers. I really wanted a Yellow Rose to remember her little yellow head. This is supposed to be fragrant so I hope it will be.

If it is not fragrant enough I will look for another rose. But it is no where near blooming. It is not just a root ball though. 

I also think this will be a beautiful addition to the Orange Rose I have had the last 20 years. That is the Lucy Memorial Rose that I have. 

What was hard about today, was I am SO not used to being in traffic around all the people, and being out in stores and such with so many people! I am not used to people anymore and I am still nervous about Covid-19 since I am immune compromised. Still mask up, keep my distance and wash my hands a lot, or use the hand sanitizer. I was like a feral cat avoiding every one! 

I will have to say though, it boosted my spirits SO much being around so many plants, life bursting all around me, it was glorious! I do need to find a nice big ceramic pot for the new Rose and some other ceramic pots for other plants at home. We are going to go to another pottery place though, because what I wanted was over $100 and it is too pricy!  I want a pretty pot for the rose for sure. 

I also found a really cool Frog Buddha and it was reasonable so I got it! It looks awesome!

Today just really lifted my spirits.

Movie Night

Just wanted a chill night.

Found Invisible City on Netflix

An underground world is inhabited by mythical creatures evolved from a deep lineage of Brazilian folklore. One detective who finds himself caught in a murder investigation that puts him in the middle of a battle between these two worlds.

 

Then I found Seventh Son, I guess I was asleep in 2014 because I didn't know this movie was out! I loved the books! And I loved the movie! It got a rating of 1/2 star on Rotten Tomatos, but maybe because I read the books I actually loved it. But of course it didn't FOLLOW the books.  Or I have low standards, but what the hell, I enjoyed it anyway! Too bad they didn't make more movies out of the series!

Seventh Son is a 2014 American fantasy film directed by Sergei Bodrov and starring Ben Barnes, Jeff Bridges, Alicia Vikander, and Julianne Moore. It is loosely based on the 2004 novel The Spook's Apprentice (titled The Last Apprentice: Revenge of the Witch in the United States) by Joseph Delaney.

 

It was nice to get out of reality tonight and just enjoy the evening with these as I did some drawing. 

 

St Patrick's Day - a very very bizarre celebration indeed.

A British and Roman priest who attempted to annihilate the Druids, conducted exorcisms to banish the great Irish faery deity Aine, who told lies about the faery, who claimed he threw Pagan women who would not convert into the ocean and they became mermaids, who "drove out the snakes" (the Pagan ways) and attempted to turn the great bright god Lugh into Lugh-chromain (Little stooping Lugh) which would become "lephrecaun".

 

I adore the Irish. I revere Ireland. I have that old blood singing within my veins. But this day is a day to celebrate the survival of the Old Ways despite what this "Saint" represented and the cruel action he took.

 

Today, I wear the green, for the fae, for the Old Ways, for the shining ones and the deep love of the land. Blessings to you all my friends. A blessing on the survival of the old ways, and of the Truth emerging from the distortions of history. )O( with thanks to the brilliant Min Saxe for the use of her meme!

 

Written by Lucy Cavendish 2018 - seen on Facebook

Final Ritual of Death

We were able to pick up Crackers tonight before the vet closed.

I need to find a local place to get a plaque engraved for her box.

Last of the excruciatingly painful steps of the rituals of death and grief.

 

Grieving hard

I am quiet because I am having a really hard time....

We miss our girl. This is the first time we are real Empty Nesters. The house is too quiet. I was owned by that sweet girl for 36 years, in March she would have been 37. She was like one of my kids. But also heartbreaking is the bond that WGB and Crackers had. She loved him so much! True story, the first year we were living together and he went to Montana to visit his family, he had to talk to her EVERY DAY or she would not eat! Same with my oldest cat at the time, they refused to eat until he talked to them.

Good Bye Sweet Girl

We are devastated.

Cracker's died this morning at 10:00 am.

March 1984 -December 19, 2020

Lettering Art

Well, Diana, from Discovery of Witches didn't need fancy technology to find one! Giggle

Seriously this is pretty cool!

Ruin beauty

The photos of this submerged city just moves me...do you ever feel ghosts trying to talk to you, sad this is covered by a dam.

It just seems to have some stories that should be told.  I was struck by it's beauty.

On-line Art Conference

The 3rd Annual Wizarding Artist Society Conference was Thursday, October 1 through Saturday October 3. Each day there was a 3 hour live zoom class. Some of the exercises were easier than others. It is designed not to finish all the work during the 3 days, but that inner perfectionist is annoyed I couldn't complete it... Here are some of the drawings...from Saturday, I haven't taken photos of all of them. I also want to finish them more. I had a real problem with one drawing just because I am dyslexic...so I will try it again.  

I have been doing Tangie's lessons for years! And always have fun! If you are interested:

https://journalingthemagic.com/

These made me so happy! You can tell they are a time spinner! What I love about Tangie is she gets us to play, and she had us using pen to draw these...no pencil first except the hour glass. So there is wonkiness but I love it!

And the Dapple Grey Mare on the candy is my Patronus. These are still in progress but a lot of fun! We HAD to have chocolate because of the Dementors we were drawing!

The technique for the Dementors is something I REALLY need to practice, but I am loving the journey!

 

 

 

 

 

 

T.I.M.E. and other concerns of the day

This Summer has been rough...I read an email from ToniandKim.com today and this was near the end of it, and I thought it was thought provoking and needed today.

As humans, we are all a work in progress. Life right now is extremely complicated. There is no manual for it.

1. Examine your daily life right now. What brings you joy? How can you add a little bit more of that feeling into your day?
2. What is one thing that you can remove from your day that will make it even just 1% more enjoyable? (For me, it was Facebook!)
3. Put your hand on your heart and close your eyes. Breathe in and out, slowly, 5 times. Ask your heart: What part of you needs tenderness right now? What exactly does it need? What is one thing you can do to nurture it?

1. Ah, what brings me joy? That would be my partner! He is amazing and loving, and adores me. And looking out my window to see all the wild life at our home. And what brings me joy is feeding the birds. We both make sure that there is enough water for the foxes, rabbits, wild turkey's and deer that come through our yard every day. That brings us both such joy.

2. What is the one thing I can remove from my day? Several. Remove the Doom-scrolling, not listen to the news every single day, and minimize time on Facebook, literally shut the window of Facebook down so I don't get any notifications. 

3. What needs tenderness?  I need to exercise, and my choice of exercise is usually walking, in Covid isolation I stopped walking, and a month ago when all the wildfire smoke invaded our ridge, I stopped walking...so now I seriously have to fix this part of my life. Movement. 

I was listening to Jay Shetty today on Amanpour and Company, how to cultivate a monk mindset. How he was speaking today was simple, using the word TIME to remember what you need to do every day.

Thankfulness:  Not just journal about it, but follow through and tell someone that you are grateful for them in your life. Express it to a person. Share that thankfulness.

Inspiration/Insight:  Read something that you are learning from, or that favorite quote out of a book. For me recently it has been Mary Oliver poems, and Rumi.

Meditation:  Be present in the body and mind. Communicate with your body and mind at the same time, centering yourself.

Exercise:  Sex, Yoga, Dance, Tai Chi, Walk...bedrock of the practice is movement.

(Today I walked more than I have in weeks, so I am starting the journey again)

Practice my breathe. Breathe is with us from the moment we are born until the second we die. Breathe and our emotions are interconnected. When we have something good happen to us it takes our breathe away. When something bad is happening we stop breathing for a moment. Connect to your body and breathe, hand to heart and breathe in for 5 seconds.

Then Jay said to ask yourself every day, "Have I made Time?" 

So simple, right? Then you would think more of us would be doing this. Today I am starting my simple practice. I think this sounds profound and life opening. I think it will help me not to be so judge-y in my life and focus on the things that expand my life. In this anxiety ridden political climate smack dab in the middle of Covid isolation, civil unrest, and the passing of RBG is too much. I have to stop doom-scrolling...I have to let it flow through me like water and not let it all stick to me. I catch myself breathing shallow or holding my breathe. I need to work on this.

The beautiful Sphynx cat that we found on our property yesterday, update. We got up, and brought the cage into the kitchen, fed her again, talked to her, played with her. At 10:30 we went to our appointment at Mother Lode to see if she had a chip. No chip. I was getting worried...we were going to take her to Sammies no kill shelter 5 minutes but the owner saw our flyer and called WGB!!! The family two doors down from us, SO happy he contacted us!! And his little girl was happy to have Mousey back! So stinkin cute! I tried not to be judge-y when he told us they let her outside every day, since she could be a nice snack for those big turkey vultures or the coyotes, foxes and big cats we have around. I hope this scared them enough to keep her inside. Mousey is a sweet, sweet soul.

 

 

 

 

 

And the bad air quality came back today. I was SO joyful yesterday with blue skies nad no smoke smell. I feel a little more sad today, I cannot take days of the gloom again! But the injured Jay bird is still getting stronger, she lays down funny on my deck though. But she is so pretty. I have fallen in love with her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finally took photos of my recent Hobonichi pages before I journal in them:

Finally change

THIS was so needed! We had not seen a blue or clear sky since August 17th! This was late in the afternoon, and I am hoping that tomorrow when we wake up it will remain blue skies. We SO needed a change!

 

Deliberate steps...

What have you been doing to get through this shitstorm of a year? For me, one of my greatest joy's is watching our wildlife around our home. And I have become fond of the Jay birds. This one is having issues, I think she may have broken her leg. But they look better than they have in the last 3 days. I make sure to have water and food she can reach on the deck and she is surviving and still flying.  And the sweetest was the mate came down on the deck and fed her a worm! Super sweet to see. They are taking care of each other! I really hope she makes it! (you can see him flying off on the right side...he didn't stay still long for me).

Dealing with the smoke:

We have been doing this with our box fans the last 3 days and it has helped. My eyes and ears are still itchy though. But I am glad we are doing this, it has really helped...we are not coughing as bad as we were.

https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/blog/how-to-diy-an-air-purifier/

Tarot Spread for New Moon in Virgo

The tarot spread layout was in one of my online classes, by Shinjini Mehrotra, you can find her on her website: https://moderngypsy.in/free-classes-resources/ 

My draw today:

 

 

 

 

 

1: The World

An Auspicious period. You have achieved success in your endeavor. Walk in harmony with Mother Earth. Gather your Tribe and give your best.

2. Justice

Principle of consequences. You reap what you sow. Reclaim your power. Take an honest inventory of your life, acknowledge your successes and defeats.

2. Princess of Swords

Dazzle in the delights of your ambitions. Pay attention to your surrounds. Question your reality. Keep an open mind.

3. Judgement

Heading the call of a higher purpose. A resurrection, the rebirth of a new personality. Forgive yourself and other. Be the visionary you were made to be.

3. Queen of Pentacles

Nurturing yourself and the environment around you. Be open to the needs of others. Distribute the wealth you have equally among others. Channel your gifts to create new life.

4. Queen of Cups

Open to sensuality. Seeker of desires and potent pleasures. Rich empathy, creativity and understanding. Emotional intelligence.

Oh and what card did I pull again from the Oracle deck?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Denial....hum...what is this about?

Art:

I noticed today a new watercolor class on roladex cards. On https://lexigrenzer.com/ website. I love Lexi, when I met her, I swear we were like family! I have cards, and I just have not started to art yet. So I am heavily leaning towards the class. 

 

 

 

Are you missing art festivals where you can find really beautiful handmade items for Christmas? My friend has you covered!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/2637208759850849/?ref=share

The password to get into the group is Hallmark

Friendship:

Ah to end the day with a good friends phone call! It is great to hear from her, you know how life is just busy, and this being a rotten year, it is nice to catch up with those you love. So ending the day on a high note.

 

Starting slowly

No changes today. Still smoky. My eye's are burning, my ears are itchy, and the elephant is still on my chest. I would love to see some blue sky soon...tomorrow?

Today's beautiful card was:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The card was pulled after a political talk I was having with WGB...and just reminds me to VOTE. 

Today's Hobonichi pages...(before journaling)

 

Starting where I am.

Begin again.

2020's shit storm and learning to live in a pandemic, civil unrest, crazy politics, and California wild fires, and the hardest, isolation for the last 6 months. I am on a news moratorium...stopping the doom-scrolling, but anxious that I don't know what is going on too. It is a balance.

It is time that I just start again.

I have been journaling, and playing in my Hobonichi planner...doing some drawing but not a lot. I need to pull out the canvas and start painting. Fling some paint in my yearly journal. Find my passion again.

Today there was a small improvement that is giving me hope. We have lived in heavy smoke since August 17th and I have not seen a clear sky since then.

It has tipped the isolation into another level of not coping well. So I decided to begin again. I am pushing myself to start again. Start the blog. Start painting. Start writing. Start living my life again that I have seemed to have lost since isolation.

Right now I am grateful for new beginnings.

Today I received the Oracle deck from Cre8tive Cre8tions. They are beautiful cards, she has been working on them for quite a while. I think I ordered them before the pandemic. My first pull was the card "healing" ... I had a chuckle! Beautiful card.

If you are interested in getting one of her decks or taking one of her on-line classes, they are worth it! She is amazing. You can find her here.

https://andrea-gomoll.de/

Thinking of you

Ah, I have been thinking of you today. You would have been 101 years old, and that blows my mind. You were always filled with incredible life! I miss our long talks and the laughter. Oh how you could make me laugh! I think about all the December 31st that we talked and laughed, even the year I was in labor thinking I might have a baby on your birthday! You even made me laugh then! I miss you. I will always miss you. It is hard for me to accept that you have been gone for 8 years. 

365 Days

2000

I cannot believe that you died 365 days ago, or that it has been 595 days since we had a decent long conversation on the phone. I miss our long talks. The way we would laugh. How you knew what to say when I was really down. This year has been painful and I finally feel like I am coming out of the dark finally. But part of me is still numb, still angry and still find it hard to believe that you are gone.  It is strange being in a world without you.

It is weird not hearing about the music you are putting together or the crap going on between the guys you are trying to shape up into a band, or that you could be a millionaire, or a used car salesman...  I miss your laugh.

Awareness and Change

The good and bad thing about things coming up and being revisited is to re-evaluate my behaviors and old patterns. And seeing it with some ah-ha moments, that I didn't fully comprehend before. And trying to set up a plan to succeed and not slip back into old habits that do not serve me anymore. And to get rid of the shame I feel about money and finances. This stems from many things, including trying to fill the hole in my soul, and I know that no matter how many 'things' I buy, it will not fill it. I cannot fawn over people anymore, trying to 'give' them things in order to show them I love them.

Unfortunately both my grandmothers did this behavior, and yes, you do get a rush, or a relief from the pain when you shop, but you are left feeling other things in its wake. So I am learning to thank that behavior and say no, I have everything I need, and people love me without me buying them things. 

Over the last 5 years I have made an effort to prefer experiences not things. People not things. And financial health and well-being connection. Acknowledging the struggles and embracing the changes.

 

 

 

 

I'm blogging along with Effy Wild in April. If you'd like to join the Facebook group to read the rules, go here!

Dreams and terrors

This morning I have been a wreck! I am so upset about Notre Dame Cathedral's fire. I am upset with myself that I didn't go to Paris before this...to never see it, like it was yesterday, I am devastated. 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm blogging along with Effy Wild in April. If you'd like to join the Facebook group to read the rules, go here!

MARS day 3

The last day of the retreat is always hard, do a little work then clean up and leave...Saying good bye to everyone and going home to unpack.

I have an art hangover. And my body is vibrating and trying to put all my art supplies back where they go and do some art is hysterical! Not able to focus! (my word of the year) So its time to kick on some show and chill.

Sun filled joy tending day MARS Day 2

For the last nine years we were at camp in the mountains here, and so for the first time, I woke up out of pain! I actually SLEPT at MARS! I got up had a REALLY nice shower and everything was CLEAN! I am not a camping kinda girl, and even though we were in cabins with twin beds at the old place, ah, hotels are my preferred camping! LOL Hey we all have our style! Plus I am so excited, that we could actually SEE because there was enough light in our great room to art without being too dark, even with Ott lights! The building we were in for arting was big enough for us, yet intimate and wonderful. We had a commercial kitchen no stove but a large refrigerator so all my prepping and food was accessible and made it successful for me too. They did have a microwave so if you needed to heat something up you could. Yogurt, berries, my chicken, salad, roasted veggies, angel food cake and truewhip! I was in good shape!

I enjoyed today SO much! I could talk to people and hear everyone and felt like a communion of artists. I know that we all get so inspired by being around each other. AND we share things, and just love on each other! Other experiences were disconnected by more than half the room so this is really cool.

MARS Retreat

Before I could get to the retreat, I am grateful for my tax return, because it paid to finally fix my Monte Carlo! The damn thing had an ignition switch problem that screwed up my heating and air! So I couldn't defrost or cool myself off! UGH AND I am grateful it wasn't the blower! 

The guy at the dealer took a double take on the mileage! He was like, REALLY? Its only at 54K and its a 2000, he said it is in great condition. I told him when I bought it 2009, it was at 12K and he said, so you haven't put much on either! LOL I guess not. A couple of issues but nothing that has to be addressed right now! I told him I always think of it like a Grandma Car...he said, um, no this is a little hot rod! I said, um no! My Torino IS a hot rod!  WGB always tells me I underestimate the car, I just feel CONSERVATIVE in it.

But now I am no longer dependent on WGB to drive me around! AND I get my independence back! I hate to have to rely on anyone! I am happy to share my life with him, but like my independence!!!  Plus I forgot how to drive!  Not really, but its been way too long. So I had a little stressful start to the weekend but grateful to have my car back and fixed! And looking forward to driving!

This morning I finished prepping all my food, and buttoned up the packing. It's Retreat time! Twice a year my art tribe gets together and puts on the Mountain Artist Retreat Sleepover! This is our 10th year!!! We do it Bi-Annually and this year we are Uptown Girls! We lost our normal camp and decided to upgrade to a fancy hotel with a conference room! Best decision ever!

I brought less stuff than last time, each one I learn to bring less and less! AND my suitcase was half full for the clothes and shoes. 2 bags of supplies to create. And 2 bags of food. Next time I am aiming for 1 bag of supplies. (lucky I live in town!) WGB went back home picked up my computer chair and brought it back for me, it saves my back. Sitting in tiny chairs that are uncomfortable all weekend would have me hurting too much. SO grateful for my boyfriend, the love of my life. Even my tribe noticed I was cutting back on what I brought! Living closer makes it SO much easier! If I really need something, I could go home and get it!

I am still storming, grappling with all the stuff coming up since January. I am really tired of repressing my anger, disappointment, the fact that my soul was torn in savage way that I did not deserve. My inner soul is bloody, raw, ugly, torn and broken. And in the midst of that, I have not addressed the grief of losing my brother. 

I am truly trying to F E E L what I need to F E E L. Every day I still pull my Tarot card for the day, and I have to say it has been right on each day! Feeling more comfortable with my deck again, its been too long since I practiced. I am enjoying this journey. It is following all the storming I am feeling. I know that this will change me but I am no longer dreading it, or fearing it!

And for my 100 Day Project Watercolor washes and quotes, my talented friend Lindsay taught me Colusa Skies! A watercolor technique she does and it is perfect for my watercolor washes and quotes. This is why I love getting together with the tribe, we inspire each other, encourage one another, and love each other! 

I have to say I love these watercolors as well! They are quickly becoming my favorite for washes! They are creamy and large enough to fill my brush easily.  

Remember we are all working on things we want for ourselves, and I am remembering that this month my job is to confront and Grieve my Grief!

I'm blogging along with Effy Wild in April. If you'd like to join the Facebook group to read the rules, go here!

 

 

Storming, Meditation and Acknowledgement

I get annoyed when I face the same issues over and over and over again, maybe in a different form, or a different human being, and I think why is this coming up again? I have done the work. I have done HARD work. I am vigilant about making sure I don't get stuck in one place. That I grow. That I learn. That I let go. That I encourage BETTER within me.  And I was talking to a friend about this a couple of years ago. I was blown away by what she said.

I am always in my head and I was talking to her about some painful memories and how sick I was of dealing with this shit every few years. She was SO wise! She told me her theory, that every time we see the issue again, we are seeing it from another angle, we see more of the lesson we learned, a deeper meaning, a deeper healing. That was an AH-HA moment for me. It made sense and it resonated with me.

I am just seeing these things at another angle...

As for my grief...I saw this and it resonated.

 

Continuing to work on my Storming pages in my journal. It is cathartic, and also touching on so many more things that I have survived. The key word SURVIVED. That is amazing all in itself, but not being bitter is one choice at a time.

Side note:

cathartic noun
ca·​thar·​tic | \ kə-ˈthär-tik
adj.Inducing catharsis; purgative.
n. An agent for purging the bowels, especially a laxative.

THAT just struck me as funny and couldn't stop giggling, because that is what happened last night after writing my last post!

I have always had the feeling that I was an alien, that I was the only abby-normal one.  Most of the people that I have run across in my life, has had a very different experience than I have. When people tell me they have had a great experience with their parents, that they were truly loved and happy, I am SO grateful they did!  But the beauty of being willing to be vulnerable and talk about issues, I find more and more, how my experiences relieve others, they don't feel alone after I open up. They may not have the same experience, but they experience pain. And it goes to show me that I am not different...or abby-normal. Every human being has pain they have to deal with.

I have been working on my grief with my brother, doing a lot of writing. And some painting. Watching some class videos and taking things easy today. Some down time after my post yesterday all my feelings. Just watching the birds today and enjoying our home. I love that I wake up in a cloud forest and then the beautiful day comes in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
I'm blogging along with Effy Wild in April. If you'd like to join the Facebook group to read the rules, go here!

Storming and facing Grief...Trigger warning

In the class I am taking, Moonshine, the Tarot card pulled for the month of April was the 3 of Swords. Another reminder that I am NOT facing all of my grief. The biggest fear is that I won't be able to bear it. Which is stupid because my entire life has been about bearing grief. I have a right to my pain. I have a right to make decisions based on the VERY REAL reality of things that were done to me. I have a right to self-care and I make VERY SOUND decisions, I weigh things out, I research, I put an inner light on any issues. I CAN TRUST MY DECISIONS.  You may want to bypass reading this, I am basically writing it out to work it out again.

Excitement and Prep

Recovery day with a little self-care. Pain patches, hot coffee and checking out my birds this morning and the woodpeckers were being jerks today! But then I got a visit from the sweet and calm yellow bird.

 

Spent the day doing my Sweet Trash Journaling, making sure all my class notes are in. And reading, reading, reading. Tomorrow I will spend some time actually doing some work in my journal, like painting!

I have been prepping for my bi-annual MARS retreat, "Mountain Artists Retreat and Sleepover", we spend 2 nights and 3 days together where we all art it up and enjoy each others company! This time, we have so few ladies, we are going to be in a local Hotel and have access to the pool! So I am bringing my swim suit!  Relaxing. Drinking some wine, and painting! We meet up at Noon on Friday and don't go home until Sunday afternoon. I am SO looking forward to this! I am just going to pain in my journal and do some embroidery if my hands behave.

There is nothing better than art friends to lift your spirits, provoke you to be more creative, and laugh. I need to do some reflection on my grief, and see if I can get it to pour out of me this weekend, and really address it rather than deny it.  I have really been afraid of "going there", like I won't be able to stop the flood once it starts. 

I have been sketching out some new Mind Maps...as a pre-plan for all my goals...and how to get through all I want to get through this year with my art and my health. So I may focus more on that during the weekend if I have time. All I know is I need a big reset! 

 

 
I'm blogging along with Effy Wild in April. If you'd like to join the Facebook group to read the rules, go here!

Feeling all accomplished

Last night I had a sleepless night. I was fretting over the 5K walk for this morning. My head was storming. WTF am I doing? Am I capable of walking the 3.5 miles? I usually hit the wall at 2.5 that I do every day.  My friend and I got there late, so we aren't in the group photo, but I didn't care we met up with our friends and we walked 3.75 miles!!!! I walked with a new friend and she was as slow as I am so we were a good match! We didn't stop for any breathers, we walked for 91 minutes! And just like that all the fears gone, and I FINISHED my FIRST 5K walk!  It made me closer to my friends who were walking with me, it made me happy that I could do HARD things! Accomplishment! And I have the T-shirt to prove it! I still cannot help but find beauty on any walk, I saw some birds, the cemetery to remind us to live our lives to the fullest every single day because life is short, and beautiful flowers! I love that so many of my friends were there and showed up for themselves too! 

 

 

 
I'm blogging along with Effy Wild in April. If you'd like to join the Facebook group to read the rules, go here!

 

 

 

          

Sweet boring

Oh! my new Sketch book came today!!! They ARE great for Sweet Trash! I wish I had started it in January, but that is ok, 1 in a composition book is fine, but man do I love this SO much!!! 

  I love this size of this book, I just cut some of the margin out of the page and can glue the entire PDF for the class inside, there is room for notes, I can sketch in it if I want to. I love the feel of it. I cannot do watercolor in it but this is for sweet trash...with all my feelings and notes. It just made me happy today! The other item that came was my new Tarot deck Crow Tarot. I love the imagery but the Starman is still my go-to deck right now05/100 of 100 Days Project, and a screw up with my pen when I was making the circle...but it is what it is...and I am moving on.

05/100 of 100 Days Project, and a screw up with my pen when I was making the circle...but it is what it is...and I am moving on. I am using the sparkly watercolors. Maybe I will actually have a decent one by the time the 100 days are over!

 

 

 

I was working in my journal today and trying to just let it be ugly, you know, how art has to go through ugly stages to get to where you want it to be? I am there right now. Lots of more work to do on it but I am glad I am back to working in my journal. What I am loving about this process is the doing of the work, not questioning the outcome, just getting the paint to go where I want it to, layering the work, being PATIENT which I am not very good at and letting it dry and being consistent in my process. I put together an art journal play list of some music and just hit this morning. I am getting more comfortable in how I want to approach the process.

Today on my walk we saw a few deer, they were across the street, but I love seeing them. We live on a relatively flat street and no traffic. It is a great walking street and lots of people who live here have dogs and so its a great dog walking street! It is about a mile long if we do the entire street. And I love hearing the birds, the quiet and seeing the wild life. This time of year we can hear the frogs singing. I am at peace where I live. It is a nice contrast to my before life.

View on my walk

My back view

Front of the house trees are finally blooming

Love when the trees get leaves again

View on my walk

Lets hope I can get some sleep because first thing in the morning is my FIRST 5K! 

I spent most of today Binge watching Sabrina Season 2 on Netflix....I love to binge but hate when it is over!

 

 
I'm blogging along with Effy Wild in April. If you'd like to join the Facebook group to read the rules, go here!

Day of research and cleaning

04/100 100 Day Project

I have been slacking I really need to work in my journal. I don't like how my 100 day project is looking I need to change it up..

 

 
I'm blogging along with Effy Wild in April. If you'd like to join the Facebook group to read the rules, go here!

Head Games - and not the Foreigner song!

I have been on a journey of getting healthier since June of 2018, I joined WW and I am grateful for their workshops and app, I have been able to lose 27 pounds so far. I am back in my normal fat clothes and I am so excited about that. I tried losing weight on my own, but I have no thyroid and I struggle. I have always eaten really healthy, I love vegetables and fruit, but I also love Cheetos! LOL I haven't had any Cheetos and I gave up my Dr. Pepper. (that addiction was lifelong) But I really want to age as well as I can. My stats are all great, my blood work is good, and I FINALLY found a doctor who is willing to test my thyroid levels every 3 months to make sure my meds are on track!

Today I had a huge moment of "OH SHIT I am an imposter"! I get so excited with everyone sharing their lives in the workshops, some of my friends were doing a 5K and I signed up for my first 5K!!!   I can walk 2.5 miles without too much pain but then I hit my threshold and pain grips me. So of course today I am all up in my head, worse case scenarios storming! The walk is on Sunday morning! The nice thing was when I mentioned this several friends said, that's ok! I will walk with you! So I am doing it! Putting my pain patches on, wearing good shoes and getting out with a group of other women working on themselves so I am doing my first 5K! Who the fuck am I? I would have NEVER have signed up for a 5K before! I have to say with all the head games my inner critic sends me on I am enjoying learning about the new me!

Every thing I love to do, draw, paint, knit, sew, bead, journal all involves sitting. So I have been really trying to incorporate more movement into my life. So today, even though I feel like an imposter, I am proud of myself for trying something new! And I am laughing at myself because I am still paying for the gardening I did on Saturday!!! I hurt! LOL So Sunday is going to be a mindful walk, meditation that I can DO HARD THINGS!

5 of Cups Reversed

Goals being slain!

I followed through with pulling a Tarot Card everyday last month! I am keeping it up and gleaning some powerful imagery and relating the cards to what is deeply going on in my life. Reading over the March entries, there is a bit of oh that is creepy, but more of that is SO amazing, resonating so strong with the struggles I am dealing with. It was all about my Grief, from my brother's death to wounds from family members.

My last card pulled for March was the 5 of Cups Reversed. Oooooof….all about moving forward from what was lost! Use grief as a force for good feelings of deep compassion and empathy. Thrust into a sacrid realm where the healing  capacity of emotions is allowed to work.  Use the force of grief as a force for GOOD. The cup is carved deeper by emotion which tears at the heart of your being, creating more space then to hold wonder, joy and grace. Deep compassion and empathy.

In my life, when I have dealt with deep soul cutting grief, I have always made the conscience decision to be "Better rather than Bitter". I am "better" for the disasters that have happened in my life. Molding me pliable for deep compassion and empathy for others going through what I have in my life. I believe if we share our stories of pain and how we have overcome it, it does give hope to others in the trenches of that kind of pain. 

Empathy. Ooof… I am an empath. It is painful and hard to be one. Some times I just cut off the chatter of it...other times I listen and move through it. It is exhausting and hard sometimes to feel my own shit because of it. It is the absolute reason why I hate being in big cities and love being more in the country. I don't have all of the bombardment of people hammering at me. Still learning how to ground myself and not be so hypervigilant of what is going on around me. I suppose I am still in denial of it...it was more astounding when I was a kid through the teen years, but I put it away when I had to be more conservative navigating my career years. So it is popping up more and more in my retirement. I could always feel a ripple in the universe and KNOW that something was going on with family members or those close to me...

Fear...just have to walk through the fire

Day 2 of 31 days of blogging with Effy

Part of my art anxiety was actually doing paint to canvas. That whole, who the crap do I think I am, an artist? Yes, I have always thought of myself as an artist. No I am not van Gogh but I enjoy working in paint, I enjoy the art I do. Honestly, I don't care if I ever sell a thing, it IS the process of creating art that fills my soul up!

View from the side of my house

Dream She-shed

Part of my frustration has been not having a studio. When we moved into our forever house, I compromised with not having an out building, and a smaller home to stay within our budget, I don't want my studio IN my house. I create a mess and like to leave it...too long. Also, I want to keep our guest room a place for people to come and visit us. In our last place my studio/family room got way out of hand, I lost 3 girl friends and inherited some of their supplies plus mine and I was completely overwhelmed until we moved. I stopped having people over because the house was old, and it looked like a hoarder lived there.  Plus, inside our house, they put new carpet before we moved in...so I didn't think of painting inside the house. But I have been here over a year, and I am no closer to getting my She-shed studio, 90% of my stuff is still in the storage pod.  

This will be my view when I get the She-shed up. They are more expensive than I thought they were, and I am going to look into them building it on a trailer frame. For 2 reasons: 1 if we move I can take it with me, and 2nd, if it is on a trailer frame it won't be attached to my house taxes being raised.

For the last two years I have only been doing watercolors since it is so portable. I did get my portable art table up near my window, to the incredible view I am SO grateful for! And I have started to paint! On canvas! I have been working in my 2019 Journal as well. So my living room now looks like an artist lives here who is messy! gah...but I can't NOT do extensive art anymore...my soul needs this work.

Time to Revive many things in my life!

I am doing the Artfully Wild Blog Along, the Month of April, I needed a reason to kick start my writing again, even if it is just for me. 

So many radical changes in the last 3 years for me. Things I have learned through this time. I am finally feeling like I am standing on my feet again. Rise like the phoenix!  Allow yourself to flounder. Wander aimlessly. Figure yourself out no matter how old you are.

1. August 1, 2016, I retired from a job I had been at since 1984. How crazy that feels when I hear that out loud! I worked REALLY hard the last five years I was there to make sure that job did not define me as a person when I walked out the door. It now feels like a lifetime ago! Some times I miss the work, it felt meaningful. But I will always have the insights, lessons from humanity, but will most likely always have the hypervigilance that it gifted me! 
2. We packed up our house we were renting for 19 years and put everything in storage, and then took off driving around the country for 5 months. 
3. On September 11th of 2017, we got back home to California. We stayed with some good friends for a month while we searched for our forever house in the Sierra Nevada Foothills. We bought our first house talk about terrifying and surreal, I never thought I would be a home owner! We moved in on October 12, 2017. 
4. May 16, 2018, my baby brother Steve was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer (1 day after his 54th birthday)...I got to see him for a few hours in July, and by December 11th he was gone. (He lived in Joplin Mo so 3000 miles between us). He was my person. The one that never made me feel like an alien. The one that didn't judge me. The one that always had wise words... My brother Chuck thought I had it worse since I couldn't be there, but I have to say, there is no worse its just all bad when you lose someone you love.

Anyway, all those major changes had me pretty much frozen for awhile. Then I was gifted a Life Coaching experience and had 7-8 sessions and started to make plans for my art goals as well as my health and wellness goals! Last year I didn't do my online art classes...and I felt I not only wasted my money, but I didn't get to enjoy the experiences...I was working things out and adjusting to my new life in the Sierra's. And getting my strength back since living in a house that had mold, I was chronically sick.

So this year I got in on Effy Wilds 365 Course! And I wanted to keep up! I drilled down to what I really wanted, and I really want a body work by the end of December 2019!  I have been terrified of painting on Canvas...all those fears of "not being good enough", so I worked on that in my Coaching! Since January I have 3 completed Canvas painted! And starting a new one tomorrow! I am working in my journal and following my classes!

It is a lot of work, soul work! Stuff I would be writing out or obsessing in my brain is coming out on the page or the canvas. This year Effy is having collaborative artists for BOD (Book of Days) and that has been exciting as well. If you want to go deeper in your art work, join us. It has been an amazing experience. She is real. Take her as she is. And enjoy the ride. You don't have to do woo-woo, but there is sure a connection I am experiencing.

Quote

What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist. Salman Rushdie, writer

 

My girl is home.

The Torino was an upscale version of the Ford Fairlane and was originally considered a sub-series of that line. The name”Torino” comes from the city of Turin, which was considered the Italian equivalent of Detroit.

And she is FINALLY home! I took her for a little ride when we got her off the trailer!  I put some gas in her, and just enjoyed learning about her quarks all over again! My sweet 1969 Ford Grand Touring Torino.

100 Faces Project

On July 22nd, I started another 100 day project! This time 100 faces! but you don't have to do one every day...just a commitment to doing 100 faces! Its funny because some of them ARE coming out looking a little like people I know. I am not a "Fine" artist, I am more whimsical...but I am continuing the PRACTICE!!!!

So it just made sense to me that I try to do Bill since he died...

 

Did time stand still? Because it felt like my heart stopped and time stood still.

Crying is a way your eyes speak when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is.

It's been an incredibly hard day.

Grateful to have had so many awesome years working with this man...I am going to miss him singing me Happy Birthday the only way HE could, and all the times we would talk and just laugh. I learned SO much from him, and changed my life when he had his first heart attack and open heart surgery I quit smoking...that was 18 years ago...so every day I had with him after that scary event was gravy! This time, from his death, his heart gave out on him, I am making another change, cardio! I had WGB pull my bicycle out and I am going to ride it 2-3 times a week and the other days I am going to walk and hoop! Even in his death he teaches me! 

 

Death cannot take away our memories or our friendship. You meant the world to me. I love you. So many years he was the departments photographer...but he will ALWAYS be the best School Resource Officer we ever had! I love you to the moon and back...I like to think of you telling Jokes with Hugh and enjoying your freedom! Kiss our Ellen when you see her!

 

 

I will always miss you Bill.

 

I remember the day after he retired in 2003 and it felt SO weird to walk into the building without him there! Now it feels strange to walk in a world where he isn’t anymore. And my grief is all over the map!

 

Trying to find my feet again.

100 Days Project April 3- July 11th

Wow! I highly recommend committing yourself at some point, to pick a theme and do the 100 Days Project! It kicked my creative ass! It forced to me try to fix problems. I used a really bad Moleskine book where I wanted to do watercolors! It was awful to work in! I then tried Watercolor Ground for the first time and this project and book FOUGHT ME EVERY SINGLE DAY! But I grew! I grew as an artist! 

The crazy thing, ok I completed my 100 Days of Frida and I learned a lot about her! I learned a lot about how to paint and my technique on faces IS improving! Practice Practice Practice! A few of the examples out of the 100 days.

   

 

 

Frustrated

Some times I just get worn out. Since 2004 I have had bad sciatica. And my ass is killing me again and of course straight down my leg all on the right side...

Still playing phone tag with the PT place...I am sure not in the Bay Area ... I would have been scheduled and already in the office... I guess I will leave a message AGAIN tomorrow....fuck! I love living here but the pace is hard to get used to! Especially when you are in pain.

 

 

Now off to pretend to sleep.