Feeling a huge loss and still numb and in shock right now...trying to process it. I have been SO lucky to have two strong loving women in my life, Sondra my foster mom and Polly.
The world has lost someone infinitely special.
Polly saved my life many times as a teenager. She loved an unlovable girl thru some of the roughest times of my fucking life. I was SO lucky that my best friend shared her parents with me. If you pray, pray for Randall that lost the love of his life. He has no will to live now and I am profoundly concerned for him. She passed away in her sleep on Friday, Dec 11th. Ironically I found out on her Birthday ....Today Wed, Dec 16th. She never judged me and always accepted me right where I was even when I fucked up...she loved me and I loved her. She always embraced a very broken young person who always felt abandoned and loved me.
Thinking of my friend Shelley who shared her parents with me....
“When a daughter loses a mother, the intervals between responses to grief lengthen over time, but the longing never disappears. It always hovers right at the edge of awareness, prepared to surface at any time, in any place, and in the least expected ways.”
"I am fooling only myself when I say that my mother exists now only in the photographs on my desk or in my albums, or in the outline of my hand or in the armful of memories I still hold tight. She lives on in everything I say and do. Her presence influences who I was and her absence influences who I am."
“There is an emptiness inside of me -- a void that will never be filled. No one in my life will ever love me as my mother did. There is no love as pure, unconditional and strong as a mother's love. And I will never be loved that way again.”
“I truly believe that the death of my mother has made me the way I am today. I am a survivor, mentally strong, determined, strong willed, self-reliant, and independent. But I also keep most of my pain and anger inside because I refuse to be vulnerable to anyone."
Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss by Hope Edelman