|Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. -Helen Keller|
|It is almost second nature to us to prefer explanations... The sunflower is a mystery, just as every single thing in the universe is. -Robert Capon|
So I am definitely working stuff out in my dreams. Sigh. I hate working out these old issues that like to be ghosts around me and try to torture me still.
Last night I had a dream that was torture...
That my mother had once again LIED to me (not exactly a surprise) but on a level that defied my understanding once again. The hate and pure evil from this woman simply stuns my soul even in my dreams. She enjoys games of the head.
Of course as I write out the dream it doesn't sound like torture...probably sounds stupid to people that were not around me growing up and being tortured by her, it is just another level of my spirit dealing with how insidious she is.
My grandmother was apparently alive, and for the last 26 years has been kept from me... not dead after all... Apparently she met, fell in love and had married Clark Gable and he helped to stage her own death. My mother knew this and visited her often leaving me out, not allowing me to see her. I was furious! I had lost 26 years with the woman that most mattered to me.
And I guess the thing that bugged me waking up was the fact that my biological mother tried every chance she got to separate me from my grandmother (Who raised me until I was 12), wedge time and space between us, literally ripped me from her. So for some reason I was working that out AGAIN in my dreams last night. I am exhausted!
Note...I do find it incredibly hysterical that I had her marry Clark Gable! I don't know where THAT came from other than the fact he had the funds to pull it off! AND just for the record my biological mother "HAS NO POWER HERE!" just like in the Wizard of Oz, Glenda speaking to the Wicked Witch standing on the yellow brick road in front of the house that fell on the sister witch: "Be gone! You have NO power here!" Poof she leaves in a rush of smoke! No substance...just smoke!
So today I will be a Sunflower and keep my face to the sun!